This Week in WTF, June 5, 2015

– These arbitrarily-assigned colours mean something!: The Tories’ big wins in the UK last month created an electoral map that looks like Maggie Simpson (h/t Jennifer):

Via Alex McLaughlan / Twitter

Via Alex McLaughlan / Twitter

– Speaking of strange cuisine: (We were talking about the UK, where this San Antonian got stomachaches because the food was so, well, bland…) Anyway, a lot of people like their pizza spicy where I’m from.

This is probably too spicy (h/t Layla): Continue reading


This Week in WTF, February 20, 2015

– Baby goes into crib. Shark’s in the crib. Our shark: If this baby doesn’t sleep well at night, his parents have no one to blame but themselves.

© Joseph Reginella / via Death and Taxes

© Joseph Reginella / via Death and Taxes

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yup:

Photo credit: © Joseph Reginella / via Death and Taxes.


What I’m Reading, February 17, 2015

New Study on Gender and Hot Sauce Has Exceptional Conclusion, Maggie Lange, New York Magazine, February 3, 2015

Just as you hoped, a new study from Penn State researchers titled “Gender differences in the influence of personality traits on spicy food liking and intake” has important information about the ways in which men and women are entirely different sorts of creatures, and how one group might be genuinely badass taste adventurers and one group might not be.

In the study, the researchers conclude that women are more likely to seek sensation from spicy food, while men are more likely to see other extrinsic rewards like praise and admiration.

To put it another way, no one eats Guatemalan insanity peppers because they taste good.


Stop what you’re doing, and GO READ THE BUZZFEED EXPOSE OF A VOICE FOR MEN’S PAUL ELAM. (SPOILER: He’s even worse than you think), David Futrelle, We Hunted the Manmoth, February 6, 2015 Continue reading


I’m Idaho!

Soon I will be vacationing in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. It is located in the panhandle of Idaho, which is just about the only thing I know about the place. Well, Dennis Franz apparently lives there. I know that.

My wife’s family periodically takes vacations together. Two years ago we all went to Florida. This year we’re going to Idaho.

Florida and Idaho, as you may recall, are the two states for which you should really get your parents’ help if you’re making a costume:


I’m Idaho!

Classic Ralph moment:

“The Simpsons: $pringfield (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (#5.10)” (1993)
Principal Skinner: And now, a special award for those students who obviously had no help at all from their parents, Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum!
[Lisa is wearing the “Florida” costume that Homer made for her; Ralph has a piece of paper with “Idaho” written on it taped to his chest]
Ralph Wiggum: I’m Idaho!
Principal Skinner: Yes, of course you are.

I have a whole bunch of blog posts queued up for my reader(s) while I’m fluttering about the country, so don’t fret.

Photo credit: Via


The Rarest Gummi of Them All

Yes, the Gummi Venus de Milo is real, apparently.

Homer: Ooh, Gummi bears! Gummi calves’ heads! Gummi jaw breakers! (Sees a Gummi figure rotating on a red pillow in a glass case.)

Homer: (Lustily) Ohh…What’s that?

Man: That is the rarest Gummi of them all, the Gummi Venus de Milo, carved by Gummi artisans who work exclusively in the medium of Gummi.

Marge: Will you two stop saying “Gummi” so much?


A Friendly Legal Reminder

It’s illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.

Don’t just take my word for it, though. Chief Wiggum says so. Continue reading


What to Expect at the Sochi Olympics Opening Ceremony Tonight

You probably thought the Soviet Union broke up, right?

Yes, that's what we wanted you to think!!!


The Simpsons predicted it in 1998.

Via UTC_Hellgate and an unknown Reddit user.


Building Evergreen Terrace

Someone built the Simpsons house out of over 2,500 LEGO pieces (h/t Kevin). You can have one of your very own for only $200!



This is an impressive feat, no doubt, but let us never forget that a life-sized, true-color Simpsons house once existed in Las Vegas.



Alas, the life-sized Simpsons house is no more, but its legend lives on.


This is Scorpio

Writers from The Simpsons recently listed their ten favorite “obscure” characters. Apparently, in the show’s 20+ seasons, there have been more than 1,600 characters and celebrity guest appearances. Their #1 pick (well, he’s the 10th one they name, so I’m assuming that makes him #1) happens to be one of my all-time favorites, too, so it seemed like time for a shout-out.


Hank Scorpio (“You Only Move Twice,” Season Eight)

Possibly the most re-demanded one-shot. He was an employee-focused ideal boss, voiced by Albert Brooks, but unfortunately also a super villain. We look forward to having him back on The Simpsons once he’s finished serving his 47 consecutive life sentences.

A few of my favorite quotes:

Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?

Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.

Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Hammocks!

Homer, there’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on third.

Homer: Uh-huh.

Hank Scorpio: There’s Hammocks-R-Us, that’s on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.

Homer: Mm-Hmm.

Hank Scorpio: That’s on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot… Matter of fact, they’re all in the same complex; it’s the hammock complex on third.

Homer: Oh, the hammock district!

Hank Scorpio: That’s right.


Marge Simpson: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum’s rush.

Hank Scorpio: We don’t have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn’t rush, they’d be allowed to go at their own pace.


Homer: Wow, my boss!

Scorpio: Don’t call me that word. I don’t like things that elevate me about the other people. I’m just like you. Oh, sure, I come later in the day, I get paid a lot more and I take longer vacations, but I don’t like the word “boss”.


Hank: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the Doomsday Device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you’ll face the consequences. And to prove I’m not bluffing, watch this.


Man 1: Oh, my God, the 59th Street bridge!

Man 2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.

Man 1: We can’t take that chance.

Man 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance.


The secret policy meeting at Chik-Fil-A headquarters

Quite a few people already knew that Chik-Fil-A is run by some pretty hardcore Christian conservatives. Mostly, it has always just meant that if you want a fried chicken sandwich in a hurry, and it happens to be a Sunday, you’ll have to go somewhere else.

It also means that the company gives money to some big-time anti-gay organizations.

Then, of course, the president of the company discussed how proud they are to be anti-gay. Then a shitstorm ensued, and then the company decided to back off of advocacy on the issue.

It sort of begs the question of how the company made its decision to be so overtly anti-gay. Did they decide that fried chicken is a heterosexual food? I suspect it went a bit like the meeting when Kirk Van Houten (Milhouse’s dad) lost his job in The Simpsons:

Kirk: You’re letting me go?
Cracker Co. Foreman: Kirk, crackers are a family food – happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don’t know. Frankly, we don’t want to know. It’s a market we can do without.
Kirk: So that’s it, after twenty years, “So long, good luck?”
Cracker Co. Foreman: I don’t recall saying, “Good luck.”

Yes, I’m sure it was exactly like that.