Writers from The Simpsons recently listed their ten favorite “obscure” characters. Apparently, in the show’s 20+ seasons, there have been more than 1,600 characters and celebrity guest appearances. Their #1 pick (well, he’s the 10th one they name, so I’m assuming that makes him #1) happens to be one of my all-time favorites, too, so it seemed like time for a shout-out.
Hank Scorpio (“You Only Move Twice,” Season Eight)
Possibly the most re-demanded one-shot. He was an employee-focused ideal boss, voiced by Albert Brooks, but unfortunately also a super villain. We look forward to having him back on The Simpsons once he’s finished serving his 47 consecutive life sentences.
A few of my favorite quotes:
Hank Scorpio: Uh, hi, Homer. What can I do for you?
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Hammocks!
Homer, there’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on third.
Hank Scorpio: There’s Hammocks-R-Us, that’s on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There.
Hank Scorpio: That’s on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot… Matter of fact, they’re all in the same complex; it’s the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district!
Hank Scorpio: That’s right.
Marge Simpson: Mr. Scorpio, this house is almost too good for us. I keep expecting to get the bum’s rush.
Hank Scorpio: We don’t have bums in our town, Marge, and if we did they wouldn’t rush, they’d be allowed to go at their own pace.
Homer: Wow, my boss!
Scorpio: Don’t call me that word. I don’t like things that elevate me about the other people. I’m just like you. Oh, sure, I come later in the day, I get paid a lot more and I take longer vacations, but I don’t like the word “boss”.
Hank: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the Doomsday Device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you’ll face the consequences. And to prove I’m not bluffing, watch this.
Man 1: Oh, my God, the 59th Street bridge!
Man 2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
Man 1: We can’t take that chance.
Man 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance.