This dinosaur will smite you. When he’s damn good and ready.
The cat will just watch.
Rabbits, meanwhile, have no respect for reptilian might.
- Stand Your Sacred Realm: Two men in Houston got in a scuffle, leading to perhaps the geekiest instance of self-defense in Texas history (h/t Jason). A man got into an argument with his girlfriend, which was apparently bad enough that she called her ex-husband. The ex shows up and….well, just read:
Thompson’s girlfriend let the man inside. Thompson said he ran to the back bedroom and told the man to leave the house, but he refused and started charging at him. That’s when Thompson says he grabbed his replica master sword from ‘The Legend of Zelda.’
Adult Link managed to fight the guy off, but apparently the ex-husband went full Dodongo or something. Police say he got the ex-husband out of the house, but the ex “broke through the front door” to get back in. (There’s probably a better final boss to invoke here, but I’m going with Ocarina of Time‘s Dodongo.)
Dodongo ended up with stabs wounds to the leg and chest. He was taken to the hospital in serious condition, suggesting that he’s at least a mid-level enemy. Link took a flower pot to the head. I can’t think of an analogy to the game for that one.
Link told Click2Houston, ”I am just trying to figure out what to do from here. I have to find a new place to live.” I hear Termina is nice…
- This wouldn’t be creepy at all: Facebook, according to rumors, is considering buying a company that manufactures aerial drones in order to provide internet access to underserved parts of the world. Because if there’s one thing people in underserved parts of the world probably just love to see in their skies, it’s American-made UAVs.
- Meanwhile, in Australia: A snake fights a crocodile. The snake wins, and eats the crocodile. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that the snake swallows the crocodile.
David Thorne was not kidding when he said that Australia’s “primary spoken language is screaming.”
- BUT FLORIDA WILL NOT BE UPSTAGED!!! Florida will see Australia’s crocodile-fighting-killing-and-eating snake, and raise it one otter fighting, killing, and eating an alligator. Sure, it’s a baby alligator, but the pictures allow you to pretend that the otter is some sort of radioactive mutant. You know, the sort of monstrosity you might expect to see in Australia.
— Master Pancake (@MasterPancake) March 3, 2014
On a tangentially-related note, I jumped into the meme game here:
I liked this one, too:
First, this antelope turns the tables on its stalker:
This hippopotamus, meanwhile, just can’t be bothered to give a f*ck:
I guess nature is not always without a sense of karma.
(Both GIFs found via thelaughingserpent.tumblr.com.)
Shopping at Whole Foods can be a remarkable experience, especially at the flagship store near downtown Austin. For years after it opened in 2005, and possibly continuing to today, the store was a destination in an of itself. People go there not just to by groceries, but to look around and, you know, like, experience stuff. This also makes going to Whole Foods one of the most infuriating experiences of modern-day upper-middle-class American life—when you think about it, that ought to make us all pretty hopeful, but it’s still an irritating experience in the moment. It definitely gets a #firstworldproblems hashtag.
An article at Medium by Nils Parker deems Whole Foods “America’s Angriest Store,” and there is much truth to that assessment.
The problem with Whole Foods is their regular customers. They are, across the board, across the country, useless, ignorant, and miserable. They’re worse than miserable, they’re angry. They are quite literally the opposite of every Whole Foods employee I’ve ever encountered. Walk through any store any time of day—but especially 530pm on a weekday or Saturday afternoon during football season—and invariably you will encounter a sneering, disdainful horde of hipster Zombies and entitled 1%ers.
They stand in the middle of the aisles, blocking passage of any other cart, staring intently at the selection asking themselves that critical question: which one of these olive oils makes me seem coolest and most socially conscious, while also making the raw vegetable salad I’m preparing for the monthly condo board meeting seem most rustic and artisanal?
I do not, as a general rule, like shopping. The ability to order stuff from my iPhone and have it delivered to me is, perhaps for me, the greatest technological achievement of my lifetime in terms of minimizing annoyance. When I do go to the grocery store, or wherever else, I prefer to get in, grab what I need, and get the hell out. I’m reasonably good at getting the lay of the land once I’m in a store so I know exactly where to go.
Whole Foods makes this almost impossible, because of the people I described earlier, whom I shall call “tourists.” I don’t think it is as bad at the flagship store as it was during the first few years, when people seemed to wander the store aimlessly, pushing shopping carts that they never actually filled with groceries, marveling at the fact that there are multiple different kinds of canned organic coconut milk. Continue reading
- This will only anger the kaiju: Supposedly, a physicist has suggested (possibly in jest) that a very large wall might reduce the incidence of tornados in the U.S. Midwest:
Proposed by physicist Rongjia Tao of Temple University, the walls would measure about 1,000 feet high and 150 feet wide. According to his research, it would stop the flow of air from the north and south, preventing tornadoes from forming. The concept stems from China, where mountain ranges from east to west help reduce tornadoes.
Meteorologist and professional storm chaser, Tony Laubach was skeptical about the logistics of this idea. On America’s Newsroom, he told Bill Hemmer, “Scientifically what he’s proposing, I don’t think is going to have an effect on a big enough scale to mitigate tornado dangers.”
It might not have much of an effect, which is not a ringing endorsement of a 1,000-foot-high wall. Every hundred yards of this wall would require 4.5 million cubic feet of building and fill material. That sounds expensive.
The estimated cost is about $60 billion per 100 miles. Laubach said that money could be used to fund better research and build stronger structures to keep people safe from tornadoes.
If we’re going to be building giant structures based on some pretty speculative meteorology and physics, can we just go ahead and start building some arcologies?
A post at the Cringepics Subreddit displays a highly-awkward attempt by a “fedorabeard” (a term I am totally stealing) to flirt with Kitty, a Hot Topic employee that suits his highly-superficial fancy. Of course, he couldn’t just ask for her number or social media info directly—after the smackdown she gives to fedorabeard, the person who gave him her info should probably run for the hills. Here’s a highlight, and the whole Imgur album is below:
Listen, buddy, you don’t know me. You don’t know anything about me, and from the obliviousness I’ve witnessed here I doubt you’d know your ass from a hole in the ground. I’m not your Felicia Day, I’m not your Ramona Flowers. I’m not your manic pixie dream girl. I’m an actual, real live human being and you’ve had a single five minute conversation with me. You can take your little nerd-girl fantasies you’ve so thoughtfully projected on me and shove them right back into the box of tired, worn out Hollywood tropes you pulled them out of.
And one last thing to leave you with, bucko. If you have to tell somebody you’re a nice guy, you’re doing something wrong. Or you’re not actually a nice guy, you’re a pushy fucking creep living in a fantasy world where girls fit whatever cute little mold you decide they should. You ever wanna buy your collectibles in my store again, deal with another associate or find it within yourself to treat me with the respect and distance you’d afford to a stranger whose pants you DON’T wanna get into. Creep.
There is no one specific moment when the guy blew it, but among the myriad things he should not have done, comparing Kitty to “a real life version of Felicia Day or Chloe Dykstra,” followed by the acknowledgment that they are real people but that he’ll never meet them, has to be among the dumbest things anyone has ever said to anyone.This particular archetype of the geek girl does not actually exist in real life, and manic pixie dream girls only exist as supporting characters in movies with male main characters. The trope does damage to the women perceived as manic pixie dream girls, and the men who hang their hopes on a spunky Natalie Portman lookalike swooping in and showing them how to savor life. Continue reading
The selfie is one of those ubiquitous phenomena of the social media age that pretty much confirms whatever people already believe. It has given rise to countless thinkpieces about the narcissism of today’s youth, the rise of self-confidence in today’s youth, the assumption that posting a picture of oneself online implies consent to wider publication (or to receive unsolicited genitalia pics), and everything in between.
Aside from the fact that I think “duck face” needs to die a quick death, painless or not, I don’t care about selfies as a cultural phenomenon. I care that some people think the existence of selfies—or even just pictures posted online, period—is somehow an invitation to harassment, but that only happens after a picture appears online. If other people posting pictures of themselves causes you some form of grief, the problem
might not be is not with the person posting the pictures.