The Bad-Ass in Cleveland

Posted on May 8, 2013 by wellsdc

I’m out of town for a bit, and haven’t seen much in the way of news, but I just learned about the rescue of the three kidnapped women in Cleveland, and I must say that Charles Ramsey, the neighbor who reportedly discovered the three women, sounds like an epic-level bad-ass. Not only did he save the day, but he is refusing any reward money:

The man who is being hailed as a hero for rescuing the lives of three women kidnapped for a decade says that he would like any reward money to be turned over to the victims.

Charles Ramsey became an instant Internet sensation on Monday when he helped free Amanda Berry, Georgina DeJesus and Michele Knight from the house next to his where they had been trapped for around 10 years.

***

[CNN's Anderson] Cooper noted that the FBI had offered a reward for at least two of the victims.

“I tell you what you do, give it to them,” Ramsey said. “Because if folks been following this case since last night, you been following me since last night, you know I got a job anyway.”

“Just went picked it up, paycheck,” he added, producing an envelope from his pocket. “What that address say?”

“Where are them girls living? Right next door to this paycheck. So yes, take that reward and give it to — that little girl came out the house and she was crying.”

We could probably use more people like that in the world.

Senator Ted Cruz, Green Party Double Agent?

Posted on March 20, 2013 by wellsdc

More than meets the eye?

Ted Cruz, the Republican freshman senator from Texas, has, to put it lightly, been a colossal embarrassment for our state. I won’t even bother listing his accomplishments in his barely two months in office, but if his goal was to keep himself in the headlines making all Texans look bad, then he is doing a bang-up job.

A recent vote on a seemingly uncontroversial resolution, however, has made me wonder if there is something deeper at work here:

In an unusual move, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) objected last week to a routine Senate resolution commemorating Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Week.

Congress passes hundreds of resolutions, meant to commemorate everything from a special awareness week or Little League champions. The resolutions lack any real power of law and are predominantly ceremonial. For example, earlier this month the Senate passed resolutions to mark “World Plumbing Day” and commemorating the three-year anniversary of the Haiti earthquake.

In order to keep business moving and not clog the Senate floor, they are normally passed in bulk through a “unanimous consent agreement,” meaning a vote isn’t tallied since both sides agree to it.

But last week, Cruz objected to including the MS Awareness resolution. He was unhappy with a clause in the resolution describing the purpose of the Multiple Sclerosis Coalition, according to a Democratic staffer.

Now, I suppose we should take anything a “Democratic staffer” says with a grain of salt, as it could be anybody from a 16 year-old Senate page to Vice President Joe Biden. Either way, it is unlikely to be someone with first-hand knowledge of the contents of Ted Cruz’s head (that joke is too easy.) We don’t know, based on Politico‘s reporting, what clause the senator found objectionable. I am going to assume that it reads “WHEREAS, kittens are adorable…” Continue reading →

Insomnia and Google Searches

Posted on February 20, 2013 by wellsdc

At least one night a week has been relatively sleepless, for unknown reasons so far. Since I am not one to allow a single waking hour to go unwasted, though, it seemed like high time to play around with the auto-fill function on Google. All of these are 100% and and happened between 2:30 and 3:00 a.m. today.

Indeed, these are the questions that haunt us in the wee hours of the night.

That’s, uh, good to know…

Okay, raise your hand if you saw that third one coming. Are you raising your hand? Liar. No one could have predicted that one.

o_O. Good night, Google. You obviously need sleep at least as much as me.

“Tell them there that Missouri’s daughters and her sons are yours no more”

Posted on February 13, 2013 by wellsdc

An old, yet still compelling, story came my way today (h/t Matt), of a young man who sought to express his Scottish heritage, but was shunned by school officials who don’t think men should wear dresses. This all played out in Missouri.

A Granite City High School senior doing research on his family’s Scottish heritage purchased a kilt made out of the family’s tartan and decided the garment’s coming out party would be at the senior prom.

School officials, however, said no.

William Carruba was denied again Tuesday by the Granite City School Board, where he had turned in hopes of having the school’s denial reversed. Officials there said kilts are “nontraditional” and that they do not fit into the district’s dress code.

“I understand full-heartedly,” Carruba, 19, said of the board’s decision after the meeting. “I’ll just … wear pants.”

Superintendent Harry A. Briggs told the 65 people in attendance that the denial was not simply about the kilt.

“We must adhere to our (dress) policy,” Briggs said. “To do otherwise would be reckless on our part.”

While he said he respects the tradition of the kilt, Briggs, who said he is of Scottish-Irish heritage, said normal attire must be worn to school functions.

“It’s not what we call normal wear,” he said of the kilt, adding that “attending the prom is a privilege, not a right.”

Okay, fair enough, what with school policies and all. Maybe the problem is with the policy itself (unless the goal is to keep kids from expressing themselves, which it might be.)

I’m tempted to break out some Braveheart quotes, a la “Go back to England and tell them there that Scotland’s daughters and her sons are yours no more. Tell them Scotland is free.”

What this really needs, though, is some Scottish-highland-dancing McGuirk:

I Tried to Avoid the Guns-as-Phallic-Symbols Angle… (NSFW?)

Posted on February 11, 2013 by wellsdc

…but my search for images licensed for re-use led me to this picture, titled “Male-Kink”: Continue reading →

Have Yourself an Awesome Epic Christmas

Posted on December 25, 2012 by wellsdc

xmas By Ian Claridge, via PZ Myers

12/20/2012: An Ill Omen

Posted on December 20, 2012 by wellsdc

This might be our last full day on Earth.

The date is also almost palindromic.

GIF of the [Insert Arbitrary Time Period]: Mini-Mini-Cooper

Posted on December 11, 2012 by wellsdc

Seriously, y’all, I committed myself to too many “of the day/week/month”-type things already, so I’m just going to post stuff whenever I feel like it, and you’re going to like it.

This is a mini-Mini-Cooper.

Via guyism.com

You’re welcome.

This Week in WTF, November 16, 2012

Posted on November 16, 2012 by wellsdc

476339_59249294 - Police in Manatee County, Florida arrested a woman for “masturbating while high in Starbucks.” Well, that’s what the headline said, anyway. A police spokesperson claimed that “she was high on crack with her hands going everywhere” and that “her hands went into her pants when she was wigging out.” The police also claimed that the woman was “high on crack” because they allegedly found a pipe with cocaine residue in her purse. However, the spokesperson also conceded that “no one could ever say for sure what she was doing, and I’m pretty sure the video didn’t show anything definitive.”

So, maybe high, and maybe trying to double-click her mouse in the middle of Starbucks. But never let uncertainty stand in the way of a sensational headline!

- In a similar gross misuse of the English language, the Houston Chronicle’s “Celebrity Buzz” section asks the timeless questions “Was Amanda Bynes naked at tanning salon?” I admit I clicked the link out of befuddlement, because aren’t people supposed to be naked, or mostly naked, while tanning indoors? (My clicking of the link had no other motivation whatsoever. Really.)

The actual article gave a bit more detail, now that it had suckered me into clicking the link. Random reports by people who like to report things about celebrities indicated that Bynes might have been “wander[ing] around a New York tanning salon completely naked.” The answer to the titular question? (See what I did there?) No, Amanda Bynes was not walking around naked in the public area of the tanning salon. In fact, she might sue the folks who started that rumor, because suing someone is a great way to deflect attention away from yourself. </sarcasm>

- The latest issue of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s ominously-titled Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report includes a study of energy drink usage among active-duty military personnel on combat deployments. (h/t Anstoetter and McDonough)

The conclusion? Energy drinks cause sleep disruption.

Science wept.

Photo credit: “Mouse in the hand” by idesign-er on stock.xchng.

This Week in WTF, October 26, 2012

Posted on October 26, 2012 by wellsdc

To the Beemobile!

- Bees in northeastern France have been producing honey in odd shades of blue and green lately. This stumped the beeologists at first (auto-correct really wanted to change that made-up word to “biologists,” but I showed it who’s boss!!!)

On the hunt for answers (which is what scientists do, and it’s awesome), they discovered a biogas plant about two-and-a-half miles upstream that processes waste from a plant operated by the candy company Mars about 62 miles away. Among the products made at the Mars plant are M&Ms, including the blue and green varieties. Coincidence? Mars isn’t commenting, so I’m going to speculate that it is not coincidence, but rather conspiracy!!! Of course, I can’t back that up with anything.

“I wore a five pound beard of bees for that woman.”

- From Australia, we have the Babes & Boars calendar, which contains, not surprisingly, pictures of babes with the boars they presumably just bagged. This is part of a publication by Sporting Shooter magazine known as Bacon Busters. I’m still trying to confirm if this is satire or not.

If you like pictures of babes and are indifferent to the presence of dead boars, this may be a good publication for you. If you like pictures of dead boars, please reevaluate the course of your life so far.

- Doctors saved a toddler’s life by performing a Fecal Microbiota Transplantation with the child’s mother as the donor. It’s a very touching story, if you can get past the fact that Mom donated poo to her son.

- Sometimes an awesome Halloween costume crosses paths with a profoundly mistaken individual, and tragedy results. A man in western Pennsylvania who, police say, was not drunk somehow, decided to shoot at a skunk with a shotgun. Upon hitting the stinky passerby, he learned that it was not actually a skunk, but a nine year-old girl in a skunk costume. Also, the two are related somehow. The girl was flown to a Pittsburgh hospital and was reportedly doing well. Police aren’t sure what to do with the guy. Until that gets sorted out, I guess kudos are due to whomever made the costume, because it was obviously good enough to fool a totally-not-drunk guy. Seriously, though, I hope the kid is okay.

Photo credits: ”To the Beemobile!” via evergreenterrace.com.au; ”I wore a five pound beard of bees for that woman,” via mmmsimpsons.tumblr.com.

Cryptic Philosopher

Baking 30-Minute Brownies in 20 Minutes

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