The Last Few Weeks in WTF, June 2015

Since I got behind on my regular series here, consider this make-up work.

– Behold my steed: Old-school tech meets 21st-century bicycles with Trotify, a wooden device that makes your bicycle sound like a galloping horse (h/t Danielle).

Yes, this totally sounds like something someone thought of while high, but then actually got around to building while sober. Kudos for that, I suppose.

– Was there also show & tell?: You might not expect parents to be asked to attend a parent-teacher conference at their adult children’s places of work, but you’d be wrong if your kid works at one particular startup in New York City (h/t Jen). Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, June 5, 2015

– These arbitrarily-assigned colours mean something!: The Tories’ big wins in the UK last month created an electoral map that looks like Maggie Simpson (h/t Jennifer):

Via Alex McLaughlan / Twitter

Via Alex McLaughlan / Twitter

– Speaking of strange cuisine: (We were talking about the UK, where this San Antonian got stomachaches because the food was so, well, bland…) Anyway, a lot of people like their pizza spicy where I’m from.

This is probably too spicy (h/t Layla): Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, May 29, 2015

– I think of all the education that I missed…: A teacher in Texas is facing criminal charges in connection with allegedly giving a 15-year-old student a “full contact lap dance” in class. For his birthday, authorities claim:

The teen told investigators that he sat in a chair next to Smith’s desk as she moved back and forth on his crotch and touched him all over his body. Near the end of the dance, the student said Smith sank to her knees and put her head between his legs. The incident reportedly happened in front of the other students during class.

The student admitted that he spanked Smith’s buttocks a couple of times, according to KHOU.

Because of course he did.

– Just tell me this—is there a Klondike Bar in it for me?: What would you do to achieve “internet fame”? Would you light yourself on fire while being recorded, and post the video online? No? Well, the you’re smarter than these kids (h/t Jack).

– It’s just a drink. It’s just a drink. It’s just…: It took a jury in Florida fifteen minutes to convict two people of having sex on the beach. Not the drink, the sex (h/t Amy): Continue reading

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Shakespeare on Ice

This seems pretty self-explanatory:

The story of Romeo and Juliet Condensed Into a Single Gif, via The Best of Tumblr / Facebook

Via The Best of Tumblr / Facebook

(Technically, it’s only the first two acts, but close enough.)

Via The Best of Tumblr / Facebook, h/t Danielle.

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This Week in WTF, May 22, 2015

– That’s certainly a relief: The Basque people have probable been a bit hesitant to visit Westfjords in northwestern Iceland for a while now. It looks like an absolutely beautiful place, but the Basques—the indigenous ethnic group of northern Spain and southwestern France, have not been welcome there for some time. That’s because until recently, the law in that part of Iceland required killing any Basques in the area:

Basques wanting to visit the dramatic fjords of north-western Iceland need no longer hesitate after the district of Westfjords repealed a 400-year-old decree to kill any Basque caught in the area on sight.

“The decision to do away with the decree was more symbolic than anything else,” said Westfjords district commissioner Jonas Gudmundsson. “We have laws, of course, and killing anyone– including Basques – is forbidden thesedays.”

The edict was issued in 1615 after a storm destroyed three Basque whaling vessels on an expedition in Iceland. Eighty members of the crew survived, said Gudmundsson, and were left stranded in the area. “They had nothing to eat, and there were accounts of them robbing people and farmers,” he said.

The brewing conflict between locals and the whalers prompted then-sheriff Ari Magnússon to draw up a decree that allowed Basques to be killed with impunity in the district. In the weeks that followed, more than 30 Basques were killed in raids led by the sheriff and local farmers. “It’s one of the darkest chapters of our history,” said Gudmundsson, noting that the incident known as the Slaying of the Spaniards ranks among the country’s bloodiest massacres.

(h/t Doug Coulson) Obviously, the law would be unenforceable in the Iceland of 2015 (one hopes), but it’s still a welcome gesture to issue a formal repeal. If nothing else, it gives a little perspective on something like Mississippi ratifying the 13th Amendment (the one that abolished slavery) in 2013, 148 years after the end of slavery. Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, May 15, 2015

– It’s dangerous to go alone!: Video game-themed condoms were once a real thing, and maybe still are. I can’t decide which one is currently destroying my childhood the most: “Sextris,” “Donkey Schlong,” or “The Long End of Zelda.” (I’m not even sure what that last one means.)

Via zeldainformer.com

– Will that be on the test?: I’m not going to pick on this law school professor too much. I mean, who hasn’t sent a mass email to one’s students and almost accidentally sent a link to anal bead porn instead of a law blog post? She just wasn’t as lucky as the rest of us, you know? But we’ve all been there. Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, May 8, 2015

– Lonely no more: I wasn’t entirely sure what a “selfie stick” was until a few weeks ago, and now that I’ve thought about it a bit, I find the idea all at once ridiculous, useful, and sort of sad. Ridiculous just because I generally find selfies ridiculous. Useful because I can think of scenarios when you might want a picture of yourself and everyone else in the immediate vicinity, and this things lets everyone be in the picture. Sad because it means you never have to ask another person “Hey, could you take a picture of me/us, please?”

Well, someone managed to find a way to make the selfie stick even stranger, with the Selfie Arm (h/t Susan). This lets you pretend you’re not all by yourself in a photo by mimicking a human hand and arm. A ghostly pale, rubbery human hand. The sort of hand that makes you look at the picture below and wonder “Did someone put a GoPro on a zombie?” Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, May 1, 2015

I’m noticing a trend here: I don’t do any posts in this series for a while, but I keep accumulating stories to include. When I finally get around to doing it, I have so much stuff that I can split it up into multiple posts. I should probably have more of an editorial schedule, if for no other reason than so I’m not lying to you when I say “this week” in the title of the post.

Anyway, here’s Sophie Turner (a/k/a Sansa Stark of Game of Thrones) kicking Steve-O in the nutsack. Happy Friday.

(h/t serenity1313 on Imgur)

– Someone’s got some explainin’ to do: The artist resopnsible for the nightmate inducing bronze statue of Lucille Ball in her hometown of Celoron, New York has apologized for his role in creating something that, I am ashamed to say, made me think of the Family Guy bit with Edna Garrett’s cleavage: Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, April 3, 2015

– I’d hate to see what would happen if he got hold of her Eggo: A woman in Akron, Ohio was arrested for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend repeatedly, allegedly because he ate all of her salsa (h/t Paul).

Look, I get how important salsa can be, and I don’t want to get too high and mighty about my condiments……but see, I’m from San Antonio, and we take our salsa very seriously. I mean, like, extremely seriously. I would take the Pepsi challenge with Ohio salsa any day, and you know what’s great about Texas? There is always more salsa.

– If you’re just going to let your mouth hang open like that…: The pitcher plant, at least from a conceptual standpoint, might be the most terrifying organism to have ever existed. Yes, I’m including spiders and sharks in my analysis. Pitcher plants are at least as terrifying as winged devourers, except that they have the added factor of being real. They just sit there, waiting for something to land on them, or crawl up on them, just to slip and fall into the pitcher, where they are digested, pretty much in the open air.

Pitcher plants…grow[] long tube-shaped leaves into which insects fall. Some of the largest have pitchers up to a foot deep and can consume a whole frog or even a rat unlucky enough to fall into them. Sophisticated chemistry helps make the pitcher a death trap. Nepenthes rafflesiana, a pitcher plant that grows in jungles on Borneo, produces nectar that both lures insects and forms a slick surface on which they can’t get a grip. Insects that land on the rim of the pitcher hydroplane on the liquid and tumble in. The digestive fluid in which they fall has very different properties. Rather than being slippery, it’s gooey. If a fly tries to lift its leg up into the air to escape, the fluid holds on tenaciously, like a rubber band.

Pitcher plants are like tiny, real-life Sarlaccs, except that everyone can hear you scream.

Also, no tentacles……yet……

One species that lives on the island of Borneo, however, seems to have found another means of sustenance: as a bat toilet: Continue reading

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