What I’m Reading, April 1, 2014

NOTE: None of these links are in any way related to April Fool’s Day, however much one might like to think otherwise.

By LadyofHats [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

This picture makes no sense in the context of this post.

The War on Christmas is On! These Christians Are Angry That a School District Renamed Christmas Break ‘Winter Recess’, Hemant Mehta, Friendly Atheist, March 29, 2014

Damn, it must be good to be a Christian. This is the sort of thing that makes your blood boil?! Atheists are working on things like getting openly-non-theistic people elected to public office… meanwhile, McNulty’s angry because the universe doesn’t completely revolve around her.

Target Had Chance to Stop Breach, Senators Say, Elizabeth A. Harris, New York Times, March 26, 2014

Senator John D. Rockefeller IV, Democrat of West Virginia and chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee, said at a hearing that the hacking last year of Target, one of the nation’s largest retailers, “must be a clarion call to businesses, both large and small, that it’s time to invest in some changes.”

Senators Rockefeller and Richard Blumenthal, Democrat of Connecticut, said that Target’s failure to heed warning signs of incursions by cybercriminals ultimately was the fault of its top executives.

“The best technology in the world is useless unless there’s good management,” Mr. Blumenthal said. “And here, to be quite blunt, there were multiple warnings from the company’s anti-intrusion software; they were missed by management.”

Photo credit: By LadyofHats [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

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“How Dare You Wish Me ‘Happy Holidays’?” Sing Two Dudebros

I cannot think of any way to view this except as an act of desperation. Here are two dudebros who apparently felt offended when a barista told them “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” Rather than ponder how this simple act of politeness might reflect a broader, more diverse world than they seem capable of imagining, they decided to sink some money into a white-boy rap video.

The video is only 2 minutes and 29 seconds long, but I think I only made it about halfway through. I apologize for subjecting you to that.

I don’t think it’s even worth pointing out that Christmas is not the only holiday in December, or that Jesus almost certainly was not born in December (assuming he ever existed at all in any form resembling the various accounts in the Bible), because this is not about historical accuracy. This is about a few Christian dudebros desperately trying to cling to whatever sort of cultural prominence (or even dominance) they think they deserve, presumably on account of being Christian white males in the U.S. of A.

Every year, it gets considerably more pathetic. As Robyn Pennacchia writes:

[T]hese dudes are awfully smug. “The Gospel is true even if you don’t believe it,” my ass. It’s your religion. It’s fine that it’s yourreligion, but it’s not my religion and I do not have to think it’s true. That’s not how religion works.

For the record, let me just say again–it is weird to get mad at people for being polite and friendly. That person at the coffee shop didn’t have to say anything to you. She was not required to say anything other than “Here is your coffee.” She could have said “Here’s your coffee, and your shirt is dumb.” Frankly, if you’re going to have that kind of a reaction to someone wishing you “Happy Holidays!” I hope no one is ever polite or friendly to you again. You don’t deserve it.

Can I just enjoy the holiday season, please? There is plenty of room for you and all your dudebro friends in this vibrant, diverse world in which we live. But you have to learn how to share, and how to play nice. You’re not doing that right now.

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Doctor Santa

The following comment (on Ragen’s post) may explain everything about Santa Claus, including the asinine Fox News racial dispute:

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Considering Santa’s not real, he can be whatever the hell race we want him to be. I personally believe Santa’s a Time Lord, and his sleigh is really a TARDIS. How else could he possibly deliver all those presents in one one night without a little wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff?

I covered up the identifying info, but the commenter is welcome to claim credit if they want—or I’ll give credit upon request. I’m pretty flexible and occasionally a pushover 🙂

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Here’s How to Get Fox News to Switch Sides in the War on Christmas

At present, Canada, Russia, and Denmark are sort of engaged in a dispute over who actually has territorial sovereignty over the North Pole.

Fox News may have assured us that Santa Claus is white (sarcastic whew!), but they’re clearly missing the larger point here: no matter which way you slice it, Santa Claus is not American.

Denmark may have delicious breakfast pastries, but we all know that they are a bunch of socialists whose policies would mildly inconvenience those in America’s highest income brackets—in today’s political environment, that is of course synonymous with evil.

If Santa is Russian, that means we were allowing a Soviet agent unfettered access to U.S. airspace for decades. Someone should impeach Obama for that.

If Santa turns out to be Canadian? Well, Canada ain’t America, is it?

Is Santa Claus getting a visa every year to come into the U.S.? I could do a FOIA request to find out, but instead I’m just going to declare that he isn’t because freedom.

Fox News needs to get on the case of this taker who’s coming to this country illegally in order to give handouts to people who can’t even be bothered to work full-time jobs.

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The Inefficiency of Republican Government: Christmas Edition

I wonder if people will ever figure out that, by electing Republicans to office, they are making their rhetoric about the inefficiency of government into a self-fulfilling prophecy:

Texas Values, a faith-based political advocacy organization, on Monday hosted an educational event to make sure that parents, students and others know about House Bill 308, the so-called Merry Christmas Law that the Texas Legislature passed this year. The law is meant to to ensure that public school districts can educate students about the history of traditional winter celebrations and can use traditional winter greetings, such as “Merry Christmas” and “Happy Hanukkah,” without fear of litigation.

Then again, maybe people do realize it and just don’t care.

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