This Week in WTF, July 4, 2014

– Just don’t upset the MCP, please: A woman in China bought an old building, which turned out to house a preserved 1980’s-era arcade spanning two floors.

And yes, that does resemble several important plot points from the Tron sequel. No word on whether she found any old PCs mysteriously still humming along after 20+ years, holding any of her long-lost relatives captive…..or any programs that somehow look like Olivia Wilde.

© Disney, via imageevent.com

Regardless, it’s already a better story than the Tron sequel.

– Mallrats of the sea (or pond, I guess): An abandoned shopping mall in Thailand has filled with water and is now home to a large population of koi and catfish. Dibs on naming one of the koi Orange Julius.

– The question everyone no one probably someone was asking: In case you’ve ever wanted to have sex with your iPad (and assuming you have a penis), Fleshlight is here to help: Continue reading

Share

Cats Ruin Everything

Cats just do their thing, without regard to what their humans might be doing—and then we have to stop whatever we’re doing to cater to their needs.

I’m referring, of course, to this, which is somewhat NSFW, so I won’t embed it here. It offers a chuckle, though, in a crass sort of way.

Share

DNA Testing Says What Now?

A friend posted an article to Facebook with a puzzling title: “Telling parents they’re not a child’s biological mother or father can do more harm than good, expert warns.” If the article were talking about revealing DNA test results to a child, that makes much more sense, one might think, than if they are talking about revealing the results to the parents. That seems to be where this is going, though.

Advances to genetic testing have led to medical experts questioning what they should, and shouldn’t tell parents.

And the ethical dilemma for medical professionals is likely to become more common as genetic testing more more widespread.

I mean, it’s obvious how a guy might not know he is a child’s father, but wouldn’t you think anyone with female reproductive organs would know?

As it turns out, it is entirely possible for someone to believe they are the biological mother of a child who is not actually theirs. One possible way is simple human error, which it turns out is not just a hackneyed comedy premise:

Two mothers in South Africa have discovered they are raising each other’s daughters after they were mistakenly switched at birth in a hospital four years ago.

But while one of the women wants to correct the error and reclaim her biological child, the other is refusing to give back the girl she has raised as her own, posing a huge legal dilemma.

The children in question are now four years old, so there certainly is an argument in favor of leaving well enough alone. The children only know the people who have raised them, after all.

A considerably stranger case involves a woman who gave birth to two children who, despite being conceived and gestated in, then delivered from, her uterus, are not her biological children because of some very odd biology. She was charged with welfare fraud after the DNA tests showed that someone else was the mother, but that’s not the strange part:

Further DNA analysis showed that Fairchild was more like an aunt to her children than a mother, but Fairchild didn’t have a sister. Then, the discovery of a similar case in Boston brought to light another possibility.

Thanks to a rare genetic condition, it turned out that Fairchild was a chimera — essentially a twin in her own body.

You might be a chimera, too. Biology is complicated.

Share

This Week in WTF, June 27, 2014

– Once again, the headline says it all: Scientist Ejected From Classical Music Concert For Trying To Crowd Surf.

See also: Punk As Fuck Scientist Ejected From Concert For Crowdsurfing to Handel.

– Same with this one: Man pleads guilty to sexually harassing women with slices of Swiss cheese.

– The world didn’t even realize how badly it needed this, until it had it: I’m referring, of course, to the bouncy castle made entirely out of boobs (h/t Tura). (I’ll mention—although it should be obvious—that the following video is somewhat NSFW.)

– Good to know: How to catch an emu, or at least get its attention:

Share

This Week in WTF, June 20, 2014

– No, I wanted a literal sausage fest…: A grocery store right here in Austin might have accidentally sold beef penis to several customers. And there’s already a lawsuit. And it gets weirder:

The beef penis in the lawsuit is more specifically referring to a cut of meat known as “pizzle,” which, according to Wikipedia, is essentially a bull’s penis that is used for chewing toys for animals–not so much for July 4 barbecues.

Yup, your dog might be chewing on bull c*ck right this second!!!

– Not cool, dude: Speaking of penises, some guy is using Tinder to send women Game of Thrones spoilers. Wait, that’s not about penises at all……I guess I didn’t realize Tinder had other uses besides transmission of dick pics.

Share

This Week in WTF, June 13, 2014

I got a bit behind on my regular blog series and everything else, so here’s an extra-long episode of This Week in WTF for you.

This is how you prank: For their senior prank, students at a Santa Barbara, California high school hired a mariachi band to follow the principal around for about ninety minutes. Having grown up in San Antonio, where mariachis are an entertainment staple, I say bravo.

– Horniness is the stepmother of invention: Don’t try to keep this Sulawesi crested black macaque from her fella, because she will go all MacGyver on you.

Bella, a female Sulawesi crested black macaque was upset after her boyfriend Malino was moved to a separate enclosure in Jersey’s Durrell Wildlife Park in the UK.

However, she didn’t take the separation lying down. Instead, she and her fellow monkeys busted out of their enclosure several times to search for their lost mate, forcing the staff to build an electric fence to keep them in.

A lot of good the electric fence did considering that Bella managed to pull a total “MacGyver” move by disarming the it with a wet piece of grass. Continue reading

Share

This Week in WTF, May 30, 2013

– Read carefully…..: Graphic design is important, people! This is unfortunate (h/t Marc).

FuncUnit-logo

Wait, what?

Sorry, that’s all I’ve got. It’s been a busy week.

Share

This Is How You Prom

Asking Miss America, a supermodel, or a porn star to your prom is pretty much played out by now. Especially now that a girl asked Vice President Joe Biden:

Forget all the idiots inviting hot young celebrities to prom: Talia Maselli of Newington, Connecticut blew them out of the park by inviting the ultimate hunk, Vice President Joe Biden, to her night of a thousand shining stars.

Well played, young lady. Well played, indeed. With that amount of gumption, it doesn’t even really matter if he could go or not.

Unfortunately, the Vice President declined because of his schedule (and because it’d be sort of creepy if he had accepted). But! He sent Maselli a corsage (white roses and baby’s breath tied with red, white and blue ribbon) and a handwritten note inviting her to visit him at his place of business.

Skill level: Knope.

20140519-201815-73095679.jpg

Share

What the He!! Did I Just Read?

Go ahead and laugh:

20140516-095414.jpg

Police on lookout for driving dog in Cum Park Plaza:

Burlington, North Carolina’s shopping center Cum Park Plaza saw action this week, after police pursued a canine (not pictured above) that was supposedly operating a motor vehicle.

The News-Record reported that on Tuesday Burlington police were authorized to “be on the lookout” (BOLO!) for a dark-colored vehicle with a dog’s foot on the gas. “There was a car in the area of Cum Park Plaza driving recklessly,” Lt. Brian Long said, “and it appeared a dog was driving the vehicle.”

You have a choice here: do you want to snicker at the fact that there is an actual place in North Carolina called Cum Park Plaza*, or do you want to sing the Toonces the Driving Cat song? Continue reading

Share