Nature’s Way of Saying Step Off

Some day, they’ll be able to do this out of water, and we’ll have to answer for all that calamari and tako.


Porn and Prejudice: A History of Tentacles

Two things I have learned recently:

1. There are examples of tentacle erotica from 19th-century America (and earlier):

By Staff of "The Mascot", New Orleans [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Click to embiggen

“Lewd and Abandoned”. Caricature of notorious New Orleans prostitute Emma Johnson, from “The Mascot”, 21 May 1892. Johnson is depicted in a window with a fan, with tentacles reaching out to the sidewalk entrapping passers by, including men, an old man, an adolsecent boy, and a young woman.

2. If you do a Google search for public domain pictures of octopi, you might stumble upon a Wikipedia talk page for tentacle erotica, which, fortunately for my taste, only has pictures from 19th-century America.

Photo credit: By Staff of “The Mascot”, New Orleans [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.


There Is Apparently No Animal on Earth that Mankind Won’t Find a Way to Fight for Sport

By Kirt L. Onthank.Taollan82 at en.wikipedia [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (], from Wikimedia Commons

Octopi are smart. They know pro wrestling is fake.

I’m not usually one to seek out things to provoke my own outrage, and it was only by happenstance that I came across the phenomenon of octopus wrestling. (This involved people wrestling the octopi, not octopi wrestling each other.) Fortunately, this doesn’t appear to be much of a thing anymore, but it had a following 50-60 years ago.

A report from the November 24, 1957 edition of the Toledo Blade details a gathering of 200 people to watch an octopus wrestling event in the Puget Sound near Tacoma, Washington.

Teams of three unarmed skin divers competed to garner points based on the use of snorkels versus breathing tanks and the final weight of octopi wrestled to the surface. A team from Portland, Oregon, won the contest, hauling in an eighty-pound octopus in the process. Let it be noted that Giant Pacific Octopi (Octopus dofleini) are rather timid and not at all aggressive unless provoked, with most cases of provocation ending with the octopus fleeing.

I’m not sure what stones we’ve left unturned in our quest to dominate nature whilst being entertained. I can’t find any instances of people making whales race one another, but then again, I don’t want to give anyone any ideas.

Photo credit: By Kirt L. Onthank.Taollan82 at en.wikipedia [CC-BY-SA-3.0], from Wikimedia Commons.


Monday Morning Cute: Weirdos of the Deep

They say everything is cute as a baby. Does that apply to cuttlefish?

Yeah, I guess it does.

Here’s an adult cuttlefish, looking cute in a Cthulhu-esque sort of way: Continue reading


In Space, No One Can Hear You Meow

I guess this is from the remake of Alien where they replaced all of the humans with cats. I wonder if they replaced Jones the cat with a human.


Monday Morning Cute: Little Animals with Musical Accompaniment

Today is the return of my “Monday Morning Cute” series, which went on hiatus because I’m lazy.

First, we have a baby monkey riding backwards on a pig (h/t LGF):

The song is also associated with an iPhone game:

Next, we have a little octopus climbing over a rock:

All of the music here is by Parry Gripp, who has many similar videos. Here’s one more about a porcupine eating a carrot:


My Moment of Internet Fame, Dapper Octopus Edition (UPDATED x2)

I’m just going to take a moment to toot my own horn and salute a pseudonymous Photoshop wizard. This is the story of how a funny picture I found, along with the caption I gave it, spent a few moments near the top of Reddit. (The story consists almost entirely of pictures, so chill.)

The picture apparently first popped up on Pinterest, and then made its way to Reddit, where someone, possibly a user named Zelvetical, gave the little guy a top hat:


I found it on a site called Dark Roasted Blend, and proceeded to share it on Facebook, then on Tumblr, where I added this caption:

All of human history has led us to the moment that we developed the technology to digitally add a top hat to a photo of an adorable miniature octopus.

As of the morning of Saturday, December 29, 2012, the Tumblr post has over 46,000 notes, which is a record for anything I’ve ever posted. Then I got this: Continue reading


Behold the mighty Coffthulu!!!

I got some new coffee mugs. They look like this:

New coffee mugs from Creature Cups

You, too, could have some from Creature Cups, if you think you are brave enough to stare at this in your coffee each morning…

Of course, my friend Jenn made the literary connection that I missed in my reverie of having my very own octopus cup, but at least now I know what to call it:

Coffthulu Twitter exchange

All hail the wondrous Coffthulu! We tremble in his shadow.