That time when Austin out-snarked 4chan

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This picture of two guys dressed as pirates won’t make any sense unless you read the entire post.

Pepsi started a crowdsourcing campaign on Monday called “Dub the Dew,” where it asked consumers to submit suggestions for the name of a new flavor of Mountain Dew. (For my part, I’ve never been sure what regular Mountain Dew is supposed to taste like, other than a precursor to a stomachache. But I digress.) The company said that the new flavor would have “green apple attitude.” On the 21st-century internet, something that doofy could not be allowed to stand, so 4chan (or possibly Reddit) took up the cause. In less than a day, the campaign was over, as Pepsi said that “Dub the Dew definitely lost to The Internet.”

At the time Pepsi stopped the campaign, the leading candidates for the flavor name (remember the “green apple” theme) were “Hitler did nothing wrong,” “Gushing Granny,” and (my favorite) “Fapple.”

Internet trolls – 1, tired old corporation – 0

Before the denizens of that particular dark corner of the interwebz get too self-congratulatory, I posit that the citizens of Austin did one better last year. The city wanted to re-brand its Department of Solid Waste Services, so it asked for input from the community. The “Keep Austin Weird” community. See where this is going?

Officials with Austin’s Solid Waste Services expected to receive offbeat ideas when they asked residents to suggest a new name for the city department.

They didn’t expect the top online vote-getter to be Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts , followed by, among others, Ministry of Filth , Hufflepuff , Lemon Party and Keep Austin Wasted.

The Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts ultimately received more than 29,000 votes, but it was hardly the only, uh, interesting one.

Within hours, submittals were flooding the servers – witty entries like Fostering Energy Conser­vation and Ecological Sanitation, or FECES, and Austin Sustainability Services, or ASS, are a representative sampling of the dozens of anally fixated entries from users apparently under the illusion that SWS handles human solid waste, not trash. Another inspired submission was Get Our Austin Thoroughly Sanitized Everyone, or GOATSE – so named for the infamous Internet shock photo that, once seen, can’t be unseen. That entry has since been pulled, but as of this writing, Lemon Party – so named for another NSFW meme – is sitting pretty in fifth place.

But then there’s first place, and from this sea of puerile ass-hattery, “Fred Durst Society of the Humanities and Arts” stands out. You could call it a backhanded compliment – but bear in mind, it’s named for the frontman of a band that emerged from a giant toilet bowl on its first major tour. Kyle Hentges, the 24-year-old Austinite who initially suggested the society, e-mailed the Hustle, attaching a video clip he calls “part of his inspiration”: a mash-up of crunk diva Ke$ha’s autotune abortion “TiK ToK” cut with several of Durst’s Limp Bizkit singles, the aural equivalent of a Four Loko blackout bender.

I proposed an acronym that spelled out “POOPIE,” but I can’t remember what it stood for.

Once voting closed, Fred Durst had 29,796 votes, more than 27,000 more than the second-place finisher. At that point, the final decision was up to the city. That was in February 2011. As of right now, in August 2012, the city department is called Austin Resource Recovery, or ARR. Presumably this is due to our city’s love of pirates, of which I knew nothing until just now.

Photo credit: ‘PiratesPopCulture’ by Superdantastic (Themed) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

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Texas is represented by a dog sitting in a bowl

XKCD has always been endearingly weird, but this is quite a head-scratcher:

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Image credit: ‘United Shapes’ [CC BY-NC 2.5], via xkcd.

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“The pastures of plenty are burning by the sea”

Texas had the worst drought in its history in 2011, and it ain’t getting any better.

If you lived in Austin last September, you have some idea how bad the drought got, but not really. If you lived in Bastrop or Steiner Ranch at the time, you lived it.

BuzzFeed published a photoset a few days ago that everyone should see:

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Coyote pups, only a few weeks of age, come to the dying stock tank to drink from the murky water. These predators stand with their legs splayed apart in order to remain on solid ground to prevent becoming mired in the mud.

Photograph by Wyman Meinzer

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In hopes that the rains will come, optimistic farmers sow their wheat crop despite the extreme heat and choking dust that follows the tractors and plows.
Photograph by Wyman Meinzer

The title of this post is from “Homeland Refugee” by the Flatlanders:

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Austin, STFU already and watch the show

tumblr_m4ydp91aAk1rsg3x9o1_500I did not make it to Dave Chappelle’s show on Tuesday night. As often happens, I heard about it roughly five minutes after tickets sold out. I’m also not really one to jump through hoops for a “surprise” show. Still, I thought it was great that he was here, but that’s not what I want to talk about. I want to talk about the dumbasses who apparently heckled all the way through the show:

Chappelle put on an almost two-hour set Tuesday night that got sidetracked early by hecklers and fans with recording devices and never really recovered.

Taking the stage in jeans and a light blue t-shirt, a buff and chain-smoking Chappelle brought the packed house to a standing ovation. Chappelle, who allegedly arrived to Austin from Dallas on his motorcycle, said he never dreamed he would have this much fun in Texas. Of course, the provincial and self-righteous Austinites in the crowd yelled out how Austin was not like the rest of Texas. And so it began. A night of shouting, (presumably drunk) morons interrupting the once King of Comedy with their worthless insights.

Now, the city of Austin is taking a drubbing all over the internet: Continue reading

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The State Board of Education is up for grabs. Here’s why you should care.

'Museum of Lincolnshire Life, Lincoln, England - DSCF1726' by Green Lane (Own work) [GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia CommonsDue to some boring political machinations or something, all fifteen seats on Texas’ infamous State Board of Education are up for grabs this year. The SBOE has gone out of its way to embarrass itself, and by extension all Texans, in recent years. Some of the people who want those seats might even be able to find a way to make it worse.

For one thing, many of the Republicans who want seats on the SBOE have all but admitted that they wouldn’t actually do anything if elected:

At least 10 out of 27 Republicans seeking election to the State Board of Education (SBOE), which oversees public education across Texas, say they don’t agree that “it is the government’s responsibility to be sure children are properly educated.” Of 13 Republicans responding to a candidate survey sent out by a collection of religious-right groups, three said they “disagree” with that statement, while another seven said they “strongly disagree.”

Eight Republican candidates in the May 29 SBOE primaries didn’t respond to the survey. Six candidates who are unopposed in their GOP primaries did not get the questionnaire. Just three Republicans affirmed the importance of public education in Texas. The religious-right groups that sponsored the survey (all of which are nonprofit, tax-exempt organizations) didn’t question Democratic candidates.

Maybe “doing nothing” is not the best way to describe it. Doing nothing would be infinitely preferable to what the SBOE has done in recent years.

Another reason to care about this election is because the hijinks of the SBOE has given the Brits just cause to mock us:

Don McLeroy, chairman of the Texas State Board of Education from 2007 to 2009, is a “young earth” creationist. He believes the earth is 6,000 years old, that human beings walked with dinosaurs, and that Noah’s Ark had a unique, multi-level construction that allowed it to house every species of animal, including the dinosaurs.

He has a right to his beliefs, but it’s his views on history that are problematic. McLeroy is part of a large and powerful movement determined to impose a thoroughly distorted, ultra-partisan, Christian nationalist version of US history on America’s public school students. And he has scored stunning successes.

Seriously, what are these people thinking?

Photo credit: ‘Museum of Lincolnshire Life, Lincoln, England – DSCF1726’ by Green Lane (Own work) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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My one regret, as a University of Texas graduate…

120521_pubic.jpg…is that I never took any classes in “Pubic Affairs.”

UT’s prestigious LBJ School of Public Affairs found itself in a hairy situation this weekend when the school’s commencement booklets were distributed with an hilarious unfortunate error. Despite going through “lots of layers of approval,” the booklets welcomed guests and graduates to Commencement 2012 at the Lyndon B. Johnson School of Pubic Affairs. We’re sure those in attendance bristled at the error. Coupled with the school’s motto “Unlimited Possibilities,” the new name actually makes for punlimited possibilities.

Thank you, University of Texas, for being you.

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Adopt a Kitty!

Austin Animal Center has taken in far more dogs and cats than it normally does this time of year, and they could use a good home.

“MO” A626768 from Kennel M04, He is a little how shall we say, CONFLICTED. It’s like he WANTS loving (I don’t know if you can hear him purring) but then he gets scared and hisses. He only needs about 2 weeks in foster care and is ready to go today. Ideally he would go home with a kitten friendly cat or dog so he can learn how to be properly social with people AND animals. He looks very hearty and healthy and is eating well on his own.

“MORRIS” A626832 from Kennel M09. He seems a little depressed and I guess I would be too. He also only needs about 2 weeks and would like to go home to a foster with other animals he can cuddle with. Check him out, sorry, it is kind of dark. He is ready to go today.

“Bruiser” A626766 from Kennel M07 is a HOOT and a HALF, outgoing, vocal and ready to GET OUT OF HERE. He is a little smaller than the other two and will probably need about 3 weeks to get big enough for adoption but he is FULL FULL FULL of personality. Very affectionate as well.

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Good news, everyone! UT Law has a new dean!

The announcement just came down on Wednesday: the University of Texas School of Law has chosen a new dean:

Ward Farnsworth, associate dean for academic affairs at Boston University School of Law, has been named dean of the School of Law at the University of Texas at Austin.

Farnsworth’s appointment, effective June 1, fills the position currently held by Interim Dean Stefanie Lindquist.

“As a teacher, a scholar, and a leader, Ward Farnsworth is just what UT Law needs,” said President Bill Powers. “I’m confident he’ll not only continue the tradition of first-class legal education and service to society at the University of Texas, but take the Law School to even greater heights.”

I wish Dean Farnsworth the best of luck in the wacky madhouse that is UT Law School. The building is very confusing, but people are generally happy to give directions. I presume that you will not have any specifically professorial duties in your role as dean, but I hope you don’t mind if I at least think of you as Professor Farnsworth.

Farnsworth

Yup, this whole post was a setup for a Futurama joke. What else did you expect from me?

Photo sources: UTLaw Magazine and Wikipedia [Fair use].

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Austin shelter animals need your help this Saturday!!!

'A cats' way to shelter from the summer heat' by tanakawho from Tokyo, Japan (A cats' way to shelter from the summer heat) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia CommonsTomorrow, Austin Animal Center is hosting its first annual Pet Extravaganza at the new shelter site in east Austin:

Austin Animal Center will host a first annual Pet Extravaganza event from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturday, May 12, 2012.  The Center is located in Central East Austin at 7201 Levander Loop at Highway 183 and Airport Boulevard.

The event will be a fun filled day for pet owners and their families and will include a wide range of local vendors providing information on dog training, agility demonstrations, various pet resources, children’s entertainment including Josesito the Clown and his balloon animals, music, food vendors, and much more.

The event is free and open to the public. For those without a pet this event will be a great opportunity to take a walk through the animal shelter and meet a new life-long friend.

“This event will provide information and educate the community on responsible pet ownership,” said Kimberly Hart, Animal Services Office Outreach and Education coordinator.  “Also we’d like to invite all members of the community to visit us at our new location and see what the shelter is doing to create a more humane community for all pets in the city.”

For more information check www.austinanimalcenter.org or call 3-1-1 or visit www.facebook.com/austinanimalservices for daily animal updates.  The Austin Animal Center is open daily 11 a.m. to 7 p.m.

'Black cat Animal Rescue GalawebDesign' by Galawebdesign (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia CommonsI’ll be there with Friends of Austin Animal Center, so come see us!

The shelter is packed right now because of an unusually high number of animals coming in. Actually, they’re over capacity, which puts the city’s no kill goal at risk:

For the past few months, City of Austin Animal Services has experienced an unseasonal influx of animal intakes at the City shelter, maxing out capacity at both of its locations.

As of May 2, approximately 885 animals were either in shelters or foster homes, representing approximately 30 percent more than shelter capacity.

Compared to the same time last year, the shelter has taken in 150 more kittens and 200 more dogs.  Animal Services operates the main Animal Center at 7201 Levander Loop and the overflow Town Lake Animal Center at 1156 W. Cesar Chavez St.

Traditionally, springtime brings in more kittens to the City shelter, but this year the Animal Center has taken in over a hundred more kittens than last year, with  more than 600 of those being too young to thrive on their own.  As of today, May 2,  the Austin Animal Center has about 200 cats available for adoption.

Austin remains the largest no kill city in the country, but we need everyone’s support to stay that way. So head down to the shelter tomorrow, or today, or Sunday (you get the idea). Maybe your best friend is waiting for you there.

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If you can’t be bothered to vote, I can’t be bothered to care about your opinions

'Filthy Habit by SillyPuttyEnemies' by Sillyputtyenemies (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia CommonsCity elections are Saturday. Here’s a story about why you should give a shit.

Seven years ago, a tiny percentage of Austin’s voting population voted to ban smoking in bars located within the city limits. Leading up to the election, bar owners split over the proposed ban, and some warned of dire consequences if it did pass. By the end of May 7, 2005, around 5% of the city’s registered voters had weighed in on the question, approving the ban 52% to 48%.

As I recall, there was wailing, gnashing of teeth, and cries that this would destroy the downtown scene once and for all, as people deprived of their right to smoke would simply go elsewhere. I spent an afternoon at Crown and Anchor Pub about a week after the election listening to someone make these dire predictions, only to learn that he hadn’t voted. I had two responses to the people warning of the sky falling, one of which holds true today.

First, this is Austin, Texas, the “Live Music Capital of the World.” Where else are people going to go? San Marcos, where the bars closed at midnight? Round Rock, where the, uh…..well, nothing interesting ever happens in Round Rock. Are smokers going to skip the bars and clubs and just listen to a Bob Schneider CD while chain-smoking in the living room? I seriously doubted it at the time, and the fact that downtown Austin has sprouted multiple high-rises since 2005 seems to support my position that downtown Austin would be just fine.

Second, roughly five percent of the voting population actually voted in that election. I don’t know what percentage of the voting population subsequently whined about the outcome, but I know it was large. If you opposed the ban, yet didn’t vote, shut up. Just shut your pitiful fucking mouth. The ordinance passed by 2,420 votes, according to one crazy libertarian blogger. That’s more than the capacity of Antone’s, sure, but that certainly represents but a fraction of Austin’s smoking population circa 2005.

For my part, I’m glad the ordinance passed. I think people ought to be able to do what they want as long as it doesn’t hurt other people. Smoking bans tread close to the edge of what “hurts” people, in terms of secondhand smoke, but note that the ban didn’t exactly lift the floodgates of nanny-stateism all over the city. Continue reading

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