Plush Terror from the Deep

Posted on February 15, 2014 by wellsdc

I freely admit to having an above-average fondness for stuffed animals, at least among 39 year-old men, and I even have some rather unconventional examples. That said, I do have some limits.

To give you one example, a few weeks ago, my friend Paul posted a link to Facebook about the axolotl, an endangered salamander native to the lakes surrounding Mexico City. Partly inspired by this, I bought a mini squishable axolotl from Squishable.com, because while the axolotl is a strange and off-putting beast, it is also rather cute in its own proud way. See if you can spot which is which:

By th1098 (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

axolotl

I also have a squishable Cthulhu. Don’t try to understand why—it would only drive you mad.

(I’m adding some polite space here because the next picture might be jarring otherwise.)

Speaking of strange and off-putting beasts, this is a giant isopod, basically an oversized doodlebug that lives at the bottom of the ocean: Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, February 14, 2014

Posted on February 14, 2014 by wellsdc

– Cannot unsee: W. T. F. Is. This. Thing????!????

I didn’t really want to, but I did some Googling, and found that this is the “Face Bank – Coin Eating Savings Bank,” available for $19.72.

The face bank is a uniquely designed piggy bank that literally eats your money! It’s fun for kids because the mouth moves as you put your hand close to it. It’s the savings bank that will make them want to save. They’ll be running around the house searching for coins to ‘Feed’ their face bank.

Something that moves its mouth as your hand gets closer is this company’s idea of fun??? I’m no expert on kids, but it seems just as likely that they’ll be running around the house screaming.

– Poe’s Law gets a new corollary: If you start an auction on eBay as a joke, someone somewhere will take it seriously, no matter how patently absurd it is: Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, February 7, 2014

Posted on February 7, 2014 by wellsdc

– You’re doing it wrong: Apparently some Mormons think that masturbation (or online pornography) is equivalent to what appears to be the Bastogne campaign from the Battle of the Bulge during World War II (h/t Jason).

Now I have to laugh because I said “bulge.”

– Is that a piranha in your pocket, or are—DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!! Did you know that piranhas are illegal in at least 25 U.S. states? (Including Texas, under Administrative Code Rule 57.111(15)(F) – whew!) You might wonder why that’s even necessary, because who would want to bring such a notorious killing machine into—oh, I see:

Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, January 31, 2014

Posted on January 31, 2014 by wellsdc

– Um, I like to cook too!!! A woman in South Korea has a remarkably thriving webcam business, but it’s not what you might think (perv). According to the Huffington Post, she makes around $9,000 per month cooking elaborate meals and eating them, all in front of her webcam. People watch—and tip virtual currency convertible to cash—so they can “have a friend at the dinner table.” I suppose the biggest downside is that she has to do it every day. The phenomenon is called Meok-Bang, and it’s a big deal in places that aren’t America.

Somehow I doubt that I could get as famous cooking my signature melted-cheese-on-a-tortilla recipe for all the internet to view. Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, January 24, 2014

Posted on January 24, 2014 by wellsdc

– See my vest? Some fashion editor wore a coat made from a gorilla out in public recently (h/t Laura). Her response to criticism was that she “received the coat as a gift from a friend who is vegetarian.” Maybe the gorilla died of natural causes.

(In other news, last week was Diane Fossey’s birthday. Go figure.)

Photo context: The Vegan Police scene from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World.

Via Twitter

– And they say romance is dead: Back in November, an Oklahoma State football fan managed to get his homemade sign in the background of ESPN’s College Gameday. The sign made some off-color comparisons between the inadequacy of Baylor’s defense and pornographic actress Lisa Ann’s, uh…..the sign said “Baylor’s defense has more holes to fill than Lisa Ann.”

(Not all of you know who Lisa Ann is, and others of you will pretend you don’t. The hyperlink on her name goes to her Wikipedia page. Her pictures of Wikimedia Commons push the NSFW boundaries. For anything else, do your own Googling.)

She apparently thought the sign was funny, or charming, or something, and the two kept in touch. (I can’t believe I just linked to TMZ.) They were both back in the news because he was her date to the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards last weekend. Did I mentioned he’s a freshman at OSU? My freshman year of college was kind of dull—it certainly did not involve a trip to Vegas with a 41 year-old woman who received a “Hottest MILF” award.

The OSU student tweeted the picture to the right, and of course the internet’s mind went straight to the gutter.

– We make the news around here: A news drone, which I did not know was a thing until just now, was flying above Cape Town, South Africa, trying to get a better view of a guy who was threatening to jump off the top of the city’s Civic Centre. The reason this is news is because the drone almost knocked the man off the building. Luckily he didn’t fall, but it’s just one more data point against drones.

News drones??? Really????

This Week in WTF, January 17, 2014 (UPDATED)

Posted on January 17, 2014 by wellsdc

UPDATE (01/17/2014): Thanks to a ~~busybody~~ dear friend’s observation, I have updated the post title to reflect the fact that we are in a new year. Lousy Smarch…

By Christy_Marie_as_Slave_Leia_at_San_Diego_Comic-Con_2006.jpg: Jason Scragz from Portland, Oregon, USA derivative work: Fanfwah [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0) or CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Christy Marie as Slave Leia at San Diego Comic Con, 2006 (i.e. not a stripper in Atlanta)

– Wait, what? A gentleman’s club proprietor in Atlanta is planning to open what the Atlanta Banana calls a “science-themed strip club” (h/t Mike):

Hoping to capitalize on DragonCon’s attendance, the proprietor of a new gentlemen’s club, Jabbu’s Hut, has announced the club’s grand opening to coincide with the fantasy and science fiction themed convention on Labor Day weekend.

“Of course we’d prefer to call it Jabba’s Hut,” said Steve Scizz, owner. “But the lawyers would open us up like a Hoth tauntaun and crawl inside.”

Scizz says his club will feature more than just girls dressed up as slave Leias, although there will be plenty of those, even if he calls them “Slave Laylas.” He plans to have his girls costumed across the full spectrum of fantasy, science fiction, and actual science.

“Just imagine getting a lap dance from sexy Marie Curie — non radioactive and in the public domain — or one of those hot night elves like the ones in WOW. We’ll have it all,” said Scizz.

Yes, of course anything posted on a site called the Atlanta Banana is certain to be satire (and it is), but that didn’t stop a few nerdbros from getting cautiously excited about it: Continue reading →

Dragons in the Kitchen

Posted on January 16, 2014 by wellsdc

Someone found a way to make Staredad even creepier:

You’re welcome.

There’s a Lesson Here, Somewhere

Posted on January 15, 2014 by wellsdc

Probably something about don’t drive on the ice, but I worry that people will see this and just think “At least they weren’t wearing seat belts!”

I thought about titling this post “Escape from the Ice Buggy,” but this feels like too much of a teachable moment.

This Week in WTF, January 10, 2014

Posted on January 10, 2014 by wellsdc

By Arne Groh [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html), CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/) or FAL], via Wikimedia Commons – Is that not what it’s used for? Seriously, what’s the point of owning a flamethrower if you can’t use it to clear the driveway?

Fargo, ND – Local resident Todd Fox has been detained for “reckless endangerment” and “illegal use of high-powered fire-breathing weaponry” for attacking snow with his flamethrower.

Okay, I know this story is from last year (and definitely not this week, per the title and overall theme of this post), but the WTF is strong here.

– Bad timing, dude: If you’re going to escape from jail, best not to do it during a polar vortex. Of course, you could always turn yourself in to stay warm:

Robert Vick seriously picked the wrong week to escape from jail.

Vick, 42, broke out of a minimum security prison in Lexington, Kentucky, only to find himself on the lam with only prison-issued khaki pants, a shirt and a jacket in the middle of a Polar Vortex. With nowhere to take shelter, Vick quickly froze in the record-breaking cold in Lexington, where temperatures dropped to 20 below zero with the wind chill.

Hypothermic and out of options, he walked into a motel Monday and asked the clerk if he could use the phone to call the cops. He told police he wanted to turn himself in to escape the freezing air, and told them where to find him.

– It’s all in the marketing: How can you take ratty clothes and sell them online for $300+? By calling them post-apocalyptic, of course! (h/t thegoddamazon).

– It’s got electrolytes? Are you worried about radiation from the Fukushima nuclear plant? Some people think you can protect yourself naturally by eating foods high in carotene! Others might tell you to get the f*** away from the radiation, but if you can’t, you can still grab a beet!

– Scary enough in Latin: Penis captivus. Do you really want to know?

– Two heads are better than one: Meet the guy with two penises. Or don’t. It’s up to you.

Photo credit: By Arne Groh [GFDL, CC-BY-SA-3.0 or FAL], via Wikimedia Commons.

This Week in WTF, December 27, 2014

Posted on December 27, 2013 by wellsdc

– This week’s headline requiring no additional commentary: Florida man tries to buy 12-pack of beer with baby alligator.

– Wait, here’s another one: Naked man on snowmobile terrorizes Swedish lake community.

Cryptic Philosopher

Blogged in Front of a Live Studio Audience

Category Archives: Weird