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Monday Morning Cute: The Joyless Existence of Hitman Monkey
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Category Archives: Weird
The ’80s Sitcom Parody (or Whatever This Is) We Didn’t Even Know We Needed Until We Saw It
You’ve probably already seen Adult Swim’s “Too Many Cooks” informercial (whatever that means), but in case you haven’t, it’s worth eleven minutes of your time. Stop asking questions and watch it:
The overwrought ’80s sitcom intro was ripe for surreal parody, when you think about it, but you probably never did before because why would you? Somewhere along the line, between the still-lengthy intro to Friends, the abbreviated intros to shows like Scrubs (did you know that’s actually an entire song?), and the just-get-in-with-it show openings of today, I mostly forgot that goofy sitcom intros ever existed (except for the songs—I’ll never forget classics like Diff’rent Strokes and their like). Only HBO shows (and their imitators) seem to have extended intros anymore, and except maybe for Game of Thrones—which you need to watch for any changes to the map—I suspect most people fast-forward through them.
Anyway, this seems like an important moment in our cultural history that we will have forgotten about by next week, so enjoy it while you can.
Also, I learned about “Too Many Cooks” thanks to this GIF on Imgur, which seems to capture the most truly WTF moment: Continue reading
This Week in WTF, October 10, 2014
– On the plus side, she’s sure to sell the movie rights: A woman in Spain may be having marital problems, but I’m sure her story will make a profitable—if not actually good—movie.
Some nine months ago, a bride-to-be had sex with a dwarf stripper after a bachelorette party, and this week she introduced a new member of the family to her husband who is likely not the father. Or so the newborn infant’s attributes would suggest.
Inside a hospital in Valencia, Spain, the mother confessed to her tryst with the stripper when doctors recognized the newborn possessed traits related to dwarfism.
Actually, George R.R. Martin may have already thought of a somewhat similar storyline…
This isn’t the storyline I had in mind. It’s just awesome.
– Not quite to Phase 3 yet: The FDA is saying that caffeine-infused underpants probably won’t help you lose weight (h/t Ragen). Continue reading
This Week in WTF, October 3, 2014
– Ironically Eldritch: To kick off the month of Halloween, here are some of the stories of H.P. Lovecraft, presented as rather mundane webcomics (h/t io9).
– N4u6h7y l33t: How does one troll the Peninsula High School class of 2015? A bit of computer-nerd jargon ought to do nicely (h/t Alice).
By CairoSmith, via Reddit, HuffPo
This Week in WTF, September 26, 2014
– Do I, uh, lick the frosting first?: Even if it’s a hoax, the story of the mom who made vagina cookies for her kid’s second-grade class, then got mad when the teacher wouldn’t let the kids have them, is comedy gold.
– “We seem to be experiencing turbulence due to—DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS!!!”: If you thought singing Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston incessantly was a f****d up reason for an emergency plane landing, I present to you the flight that had to land in Omaha, en route from Boston to L.A., because of a “frenzied, masturbating passenger.” Mind you, it wasn’t just that he was masturbating openly. He also allegedly tried to open one of the exit doors mid-flight. Which would you choose as the lede?
– With great power comes great…….damage claims: A woman’s $250 million lawsuit against Disney claims that the company stole her life story to make the movie Frozen. Continue reading
This Week in WTF, September 19, 2014 (UPDATED)
– That was supposed to be a figure of speech: A Chinese candy company accidentally supplied candy stores all over New Zealand’s South Island with bags of dicks—technically, bags of phallus-shaped candy, but I like my way of saying it.
– For the mourner on the go: A funeral home in Michigan is offering drive-thru viewings (h/t Amy).
I’ll just leave it at that.
– Math just got interesting: A Thai textbook publisher recalled a math textbook once someone (presumably anonymously) notified them that what they probably thought was a stock photo of a teacher on the book’s cover was actually a Japanese porn star. I’m not entirely sure what the big deal is, as the picture is of a fully-clothed woman holding a folder while standing in front of a chalkboard with math-related stuff written on it. I guess the association with adult entertainment renders people unable to avoid the thought that she is naked underneath her teacher costume.
Smoove
This Week in WTF, September 12, 2014
– Worst plane ride ever: You think crying babies are bad? How about a woman who won’t stop singing “I Will Always Love You” (originally by Dolly Parton but made famous by Whitney Houston…..and The Simpsons)? It was so bad that the Los Angeles-to-New York flight had to land in Kansas City so the woman could be removed.
I imagine she switched over to “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen.”
– This is not what we do in a civilized society: I’ve written about this before. It is absolutely, completely unacceptable to do this sort of thing. I don’t even want to write down what it is. You will go to jail, and your name will be in the news.
– Principals just don’t understand: The first day at a new school is always scary for a teenager. Administrators at a school in Florida (where else?) decided to add some public humiliation and emotional trauma for one 14-year-old girl on her first day, when she violated a dress code she might not have even known existed: Continue reading
This Week in WTF, September 5, 2014
– Never get poisoned again: Baidu, a large Chinese company, has developed “smart chopsticks.”
Chinese internet giant Baidu has unveiled a pair of ‘smart chopsticks’ that can detect contaminants in food and report back to smartphone and desktop apps.
The compapny (often known as ‘China’s Google’) says the prototype device is currently designed to detect temperature and whether food was produced using ‘gutter oil’ – reused cooking oil that’s potentially toxic – but that future models could also flag up contaminated water and measure salt levels.
I had not heard of “gutter oil” before, and now I really wish I hadn’t. You might have thought that I selected this story for “WTF” treatment because of the “smart chopsticks,” but you would be wrong. It was because such an invention appears to be very, very, very, very, very, very, very necessary.
– I don’t get it, but I don’t need to: Some new mothers want to eat their placentas (placentae?), but hospitals won’t let them because of medical waste laws.
No further commentary offered.
Uh Oh – They Know About the Lesbian Nose-Ring Mines!
The Sarah Palin Channel, and others of its ilk, may know too much already:
Given the content available and the affectedly simple presentation, it’s hard not to see the new Sarah Palin Channel as simply a moneymaking enterprise.
Her competitor Glenn Beck’s vertically integrated TV-website-dogwhistle aggregator, the Blaze, takes in $36m per year before ad revenue. And, as both Rick Perlstein and Alex Pareene have noted, one of the animating principles of the conservative movement over the last 40 years has been soaking every last dollar out of people whose intellectual incuriosity has never been an impediment to further rage and paranoia. It’s why places like WorldNetDaily run obnoxious flash ads in columns that, top to bottom, tell you to buy and hoard gold, to click here to join a paid newsletter that outlines the UN/Agenda 21 plans to annex Joe’s Crab Shack, and how your $25 check to FreedomWorks is the only thing standing between repealing Obamacare or toiling in the lesbian nose-earring mines while wearing Soviet-style tracksuits that give everyone frontbutt.
[Emphasis added] (h/t John Cole)
Well, dang. If they know about the nose-ring mines and the tracksuits, it’s only a matter of time before they discover Operation Mandatory Gay Makeover and—I’ve said too much.
