– On the plus side, she’s sure to sell the movie rights: A woman in Spain may be having marital problems, but I’m sure her story will make a profitable—if not actually good—movie.

Some nine months ago, a bride-to-be had sex with a dwarf stripper after a bachelorette party, and this week she introduced a new member of the family to her husband who is likely not the father. Or so the newborn infant’s attributes would suggest.

Inside a hospital in Valencia, Spain, the mother confessed to her tryst with the stripper when doctors recognized the newborn possessed traits related to dwarfism.

Actually, George R.R. Martin may have already thought of a somewhat similar storyline…

This isn’t the storyline I had in mind. It’s just awesome.

– Not quite to Phase 3 yet: The FDA is saying that caffeine-infused underpants probably won’t help you lose weight (h/t Ragen).

Sorry, Underpants Gnomes. I guess profit will have to wait.

Via Dances with Fat (that reminds me–can I use this picture, Ragen?)

– Less animal cruelty, more double entendre: The Spanish town of Mataelpino (which translates as “Kill the pine tree”) has its own version of the traditional “running of the bulls” in cities like Pamplona. Instead of running from multiple angry bovines, each of which could weigh as much as a ton, revelers in Mataelpino run from 275-lb. polystyrene balls painted to look (sort of) like bulls. Yes, it’s the Running of the Balls.