This Week In WTF, March 27, 2015

Posted on March 27, 2015 by wellsdc

– Marketing, meet chemistry: If it never occurred to you to put someone with a chemistry background on your marketing team, maybe it should now. The people behind a Jägermeister-sponsored party involving a pool thought it would be a cool effect to have mist coming off the water. When I think “mist,” I think dry ice, which is basically carbon dioxide frozen solid. It requires temperatures of about −78.5 °C (−109.3 °F).

For this party, though, it was definitely go big or go home. They apparently used liquid nitrogen, which requires a brisk −195.79 °C (−320 °F)—this is why it’s the mechanism of choice in Hollywood for freezing people and smashing heads or limbs (or, if it’s a Friday the 13th movie set in outer space, a hot blonde’s face ← do not click that link.)

Now, as you probably know, swimming pool water contains chlorine, usually calcium hypochlorite or a similar compound. The chlorine compound used in swimming pools tends to react with liquid nitrogen to form nitrogen trichloride, which has the properties of tear gas and can cause neurological damage. Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, March 20, 2015

Posted on March 20, 2015 by wellsdc

– I fear this technology could be turned to evil uses: Presenting Tomatan, the robot your wear as a backpack that shoves tomatoes in your mouth. Because why not? (h/t Laura)

– Kind of hard to spin this one for the culture wars: It seems like kids are getting pregnant earlier and earlier these days. Here’s a kid who was born pregnant. With twins. (h/t Tim)

– Wait, what? U.S. PIRG released a report a few months ago that named Austin, Texas the best car-free city in the United States (h/t Chris). You read that right. Not to stereotype people who work for PIRGs, but I wonder if the researchers ever left downtown or the Drag.

– Next Republican fashion trend: yoga burqas, or “yoburqas”: A Republican state legislator in Montana proposed a law that would have banned clothing that “gives the appearance or simulates the buttocks, genitals, pelvic area, or female nipple”—i.e. no yoga pants (h/t Jack, G). The bill didn’t make it far, though. A few days after the story broke, he claimed he was kidding. Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, March 13, 2015

Posted on March 13, 2015 by wellsdc

There’s quite a bit to catch y’all up on here.

– For the Buffalo Bill in us all: If you’ve ever wanted furniture upholstered with human skin, but are squeamish about the whole murder/butchery thing, science has developed “a leather chair with a pheromone-impregnated silicone base that makes it feel (and smell!) like you’re lounging in the fleshy, comforting folds of a man’s belly.” Just what humanity needs, right? (h/t Laura)

– This version of the Constitution is shielded by several layers of tin foil: Did you know that the original U.S. Constitution was secretly suspended in 1871 and replaced with something that places us under the jurisdiction of the Vatican? Or the lizard people, maybe? No one else with any knowledge of U.S. history or a scrap of sanity did, either! (h/t Jason) (BTW, I think the site I linked just now—not Facebook, the other one—might have just tried to put malware on my computer. Proceed with caution.) Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, February 20, 2015

Posted on February 20, 2015 by wellsdc

– Baby goes into crib. Shark’s in the crib. Our shark: If this baby doesn’t sleep well at night, his parents have no one to blame but themselves.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yup:

Photo credit: © Joseph Reginella / via Death and Taxes.

This Week in WTF, February 13, 2015

Posted on February 13, 2015 by wellsdc

I have gotten very far behind on this particular blog series, so here is a quick roundup of what I meant to post over the past few months (part 3 of 3).

– Austerity goes too far: I know kids’ birthday parties can be hella expensive, and it’s awfully rude to say your kid will be there and then just not show up. That said, I’m pretty sure it still violates some clause of the social contract to invoice the kid for the cost of his share of the party. Seriously, they didn’t send a bill to the parents—they gave it directly to a five-year-old.

– Suck it, Goonies: I once found a pipe that was part of an old gas line buried in my backyard. I never found buried pirate treasure or anything. These kids in California found a buried Ferrari.

© Michael Haering, via Sliptalk / Jalopnik

This happened in 1978, but it’s still both newsworthy and WTF today. Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, February 6, 2015

Posted on February 6, 2015 by wellsdc

I have gotten very far behind on this particular blog series, so here is a quick roundup of what I meant to post over the past few months (part 2 of 3).

– I’m Not Sure What These Are For: Have you ever thought that your poop just didn’t quite sparkle enough? If that describes you, (1) please don’t ever speak to me, and (2) do not consume these Glitter Pills:

Via GlitterPills / Etsy

The Etsy page says it quite clearly: Continue reading →

This Week in WTF, January 30, 2015

Posted on January 30, 2015 by wellsdc

I have gotten very far behind on this particular blog series, so here is a quick roundup of what I meant to post over the past few months (part 1 of 3).

– Pumpkin Spice?: I really can’t add anything to this story:

Citing a satirical news report – which he appeared to take seriously – [Pastor James David Manning, of the ATLAH World Missionary Church in Harlem,] said: “Starbucks is a place where these types frequent and a lot of body fluids are exchanged there.

“The thing that I was not aware of is that… what Starbucks was doing, is they were taking specimens of male semen, and they were putting it in the blends of their lattes.

“It’s the absolute truth. They’re using male semen, and putting it into the blends of coffees that they sell.

“My suspicion is that they’re getting their semen from sodomites. Semen flavours up the coffee, and makes you thinks you’re having a good time.”

By Takeaway (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

“Hmmm, do I detect a hint of……Jeff……in this latte?”

– Bling Your Baby: Have you been thinking that you wish your baby was a bit more crunk, but you’re (a) white, and (b) an idiot who doesn’t know what “crunk” means? Then you should try this gold grill pacifier: Continue reading →

Your Own Private Ball Pit

Posted on January 29, 2015 by wellsdc

I wish I had thought of this back in my Rice University days:

When U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials learned that Rice University senior David Nichol had imported 26 fairly large boxes containing 13,000 plastic colored balls from China, they decided to investigate the contents due to the sheer bizarreness of the order.

“There are a lot of things about importing I didn’t know that I do now – about how you need to fill out certain forms and how you need to pick them up from (the Houston) ship channel,” Nichol said.

“I actually didn’t pick them up from the Port of Houston,” he said. “They were taken to (U.S.) Customs and Border Protection to be tested to make sure they were certified balls and not something else. I’m sure it was kind of sketchy to have 13,000 plastic balls shipped to Texas.”

Nichol’s excuse was pretty straightforward: He wanted to create a ball pit in his dorm room at Rice.

(h/t Sheila, via Texas Monthly)

I can’t tell which dorm this is, so it must be one of the new ones. Now I feel old. This totally would’ve worked at Lovett, had anyone dared. The closest thing I can remember from Lovett in the ’90s was the tower of Mountain Dew cans, which simply required superglue and a crapload of Mountain Dew cans (and, I guess, a lot of stomachaches from drinking all that Dew). There were also the two guys who never cleaned their room, to the point that you couldn’t see the floor at all by March or April. That’s not something you want to jump and roll around in, though (I hope). Continue reading →

In Preparation for Monday

Posted on January 25, 2015 by wellsdc

You think you know frustration? Try being this guy:

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Here’s an Important Thing I Learned this Week

Image

If you spread grass seeds in your backyard without first checking to see if any old plush dog toys are still on the ground, you can make your own chia pet.

Also, old plush dog toys that have been laying in the mud since at least August look an awful lot like real animal hides.

Cryptic Philosopher

This Blog Has the Death Sentence on Twelve Systems

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