I have gotten very far behind on this particular blog series, so here is a quick roundup of what I meant to post over the past few months (part 1 of 3).

– Pumpkin Spice?: I really can’t add anything to this story:

Citing a satirical news report – which he appeared to take seriously – [Pastor James David Manning, of the ATLAH World Missionary Church in Harlem,] said: “Starbucks is a place where these types frequent and a lot of body fluids are exchanged there.

“The thing that I was not aware of is that… what Starbucks was doing, is they were taking specimens of male semen, and they were putting it in the blends of their lattes.

“It’s the absolute truth. They’re using male semen, and putting it into the blends of coffees that they sell.

“My suspicion is that they’re getting their semen from sodomites. Semen flavours up the coffee, and makes you thinks you’re having a good time.”

– Bling Your Baby: Have you been thinking that you wish your baby was a bit more crunk, but you’re (a) white, and (b) an idiot who doesn’t know what “crunk” means? Then you should try this gold grill pacifier:

– The Pinnacle of Human Achievement: If you’re like me, you’ve always thought that it’s just too much effort to fold a paper airplane and throw it. Well, this guy is here to save the day, with a 3D-printed machine that takes a flat piece of paper, folds it into an airplane, and launches it for you. The future is here!

– Architecture, Denmark-Style: Do you need to build a wall in your house, but you don’t want to hire a contractor or go to the hardware store, and you just happen to have 55,000 spare LEGO pieces lying around? First of all, the soles of your feet must be just destroyed, and second, your remodeling needs are covered. I wouldn’t rely on your new wall to be load-bearing, though.

– When Public Art Offends: You might think there wouldn’t be anything offensive about a 72-foot-tall inflatable frog floating in a pond in your city. In fact, it sounds positively endearing. Just such a giant inflatable frog was removed from a pond in Beijing, however, after observers noted that it bears a striking resemblance to former Chinese President Jiang Zemin, who is apparently rather toad-like in appearance. Oops.

– All White Meat, I Assume: A woman in North Carolina was shocked to discover that the chicken sandwich she ordered from McDonald’s had what appeared to be a swastika drawn on the bun in butter. The employee responsible, who was promptly fired, apparently did it because “he was bored.”

– Time to Practice that Poker Face: A Spanish comedy club is experimenting with facial recognition technology that will register how many times patrons laugh or smile, and charge them accordingly. The upside is that you won’t get charged as much for bad comedians. The downside is vast to the point of being nearly infinite.

– Read the Labels, Everybody: Sometimes the delightful children’s toy you think you are buying is actually a, uh, well, it’s something evil, I think:

A Dayton mother is understandably upset after she purchased a “princess wand” for her daughter at a local dollar store and found a pretty disturbing image on the toy. It was reported on Saturday that Nicole Allen bought the toy earlier this week and when she opened it up a piece of foil came off the toy, revealing an image of girl with a demonic looking face slitting her wrist with a large knife. Allen says that the toy’s packaging included a fairy and if you ignore the freaky wrist cutter in the middle, the rest of the toy is cute and brightly colored. The head of the wand even looks like a big pink flower so it’s easy to see how Allen would assume the item she was buying was an innocent toy.

Amar Moustafa, the owner of the dollar store where Allen bought the toy, told a local news anchor that the toy is called an “evil stick” and Allen should have been paying more attention to what she was buying. Moustafa said “The name on it says “Evil Stick”, so from the name, if I’m buying it for my kid, and I have a lot of kids, and I have young ones, I would inspect it before I give it to them.”

– Walkers, Biters, Rotters, and Drivers: What’s worse than getting pulled over for suspected DWI? Getting your mug shot while dressed as a zombie. What’s even worse than that? Getting pulled over for suspected DWI again on the same night. Lesson learned?

– That Excuse Hasn’t Worked Since, Well, Ever: If you’re trying to avoid a DWI charge, don’t eat the breathalyzer test results. No one will fall for it, and it just makes you look like you’re on something.

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Photo credit: By Takeaway (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons.