– Police in Manatee County, Florida arrested a woman for “masturbating while high in Starbucks.” Well, that’s what the headline said, anyway. A police spokesperson claimed that “she was high on crack with her hands going everywhere” and that “her hands went into her pants when she was wigging out.” The police also claimed that the woman was “high on crack” because they allegedly found a pipe with cocaine residue in her purse. However, the spokesperson also conceded that “no one could ever say for sure what she was doing, and I’m pretty sure the video didn’t show anything definitive.”
So, maybe high, and maybe trying to double-click her mouse in the middle of Starbucks. But never let uncertainty stand in the way of a sensational headline!
– In a similar gross misuse of the English language, the Houston Chronicle’s “Celebrity Buzz” section asks the timeless questions “Was Amanda Bynes naked at tanning salon?” I admit I clicked the link out of befuddlement, because aren’t people supposed to be naked, or mostly naked, while tanning indoors? (My clicking of the link had no other motivation whatsoever. Really.)
The actual article gave a bit more detail, now that it had suckered me into clicking the link. Random reports by people who like to report things about celebrities indicated that Bynes might have been “wander[ing] around a New York tanning salon completely naked.” The answer to the titular question? (See what I did there?) No, Amanda Bynes was not walking around naked in the public area of the tanning salon. In fact, she might sue the folks who started that rumor, because suing someone is a great way to deflect attention away from yourself. </sarcasm>
– The latest issue of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s ominously-titled Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report includes a study of energy drink usage among active-duty military personnel on combat deployments. (h/t Anstoetter and McDonough)
The conclusion? Energy drinks cause sleep disruption.
Science wept.
Photo credit: “Mouse in the hand” by idesign-er on stock.xchng.
![By Takeaway (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons](http://crypticphilosopher.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/397px-Latte_at_Doppio_Ristretto_Chiang_Mai_01.jpg "By Takeaway (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons")
