This Week in WTF, October 26, 2012

Posted on October 26, 2012 by wellsdc

To the Beemobile!

– Bees in northeastern France have been producing honey in odd shades of blue and green lately. This stumped the beeologists at first (auto-correct really wanted to change that made-up word to “biologists,” but I showed it who’s boss!!!)

On the hunt for answers (which is what scientists do, and it’s awesome), they discovered a biogas plant about two-and-a-half miles upstream that processes waste from a plant operated by the candy company Mars about 62 miles away. Among the products made at the Mars plant are M&Ms, including the blue and green varieties. Coincidence? Mars isn’t commenting, so I’m going to speculate that it is not coincidence, but rather conspiracy!!! Of course, I can’t back that up with anything.

“I wore a five pound beard of bees for that woman.”

– From Australia, we have the Babes & Boars calendar, which contains, not surprisingly, pictures of babes with the boars they presumably just bagged. This is part of a publication by Sporting Shooter magazine known as Bacon Busters. I’m still trying to confirm if this is satire or not.

If you like pictures of babes and are indifferent to the presence of dead boars, this may be a good publication for you. If you like pictures of dead boars, please reevaluate the course of your life so far.

– Doctors saved a toddler’s life by performing a Fecal Microbiota Transplantation with the child’s mother as the donor. It’s a very touching story, if you can get past the fact that Mom donated poo to her son.

– Sometimes an awesome Halloween costume crosses paths with a profoundly mistaken individual, and tragedy results. A man in western Pennsylvania who, police say, was not drunk somehow, decided to shoot at a skunk with a shotgun. Upon hitting the stinky passerby, he learned that it was not actually a skunk, but a nine year-old girl in a skunk costume. Also, the two are related somehow. The girl was flown to a Pittsburgh hospital and was reportedly doing well. Police aren’t sure what to do with the guy. Until that gets sorted out, I guess kudos are due to whomever made the costume, because it was obviously good enough to fool a totally-not-drunk guy. Seriously, though, I hope the kid is okay.

Photo credits: “To the Beemobile!” via evergreenterrace.com.au; “I wore a five pound beard of bees for that woman,” via mmmsimpsons.tumblr.com.

This Week in WTF, October 19, 2012

Posted on October 19, 2012 by wellsdc

800px-Sundlaug_Stykkishólms_water_slide_top This is from more than a year ago, but it is worth it just for the headline:

Couple Busted for Sex in Aquatic Park
Witnesses ‘Disturbed,’ Pool Water Recycled

Need I say more?

Photo credit: “Sundlaug Stykkishólms water slide top” By BiT (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

12 Quadrillion Euros Will Buy You a Lot of Wine and Cheese

Posted on October 12, 2012 by wellsdc

Bird on a Wire A woman in France received a phone bill for the total amount of 12 quadrillion euros. According to Gawker, that’s about 15.5 quadrillion U.S. dollars.

Written out in full, that’s €12,000,000,000,000,000, or $15,500,000,000,000,000.

That’s just over 1,000 times the World Bank’s current estimate of the GDP of the United States, $15.09 trillion. Gawker claims it is 6,000 times greater than France’s annual economic output.

It’s about 221 times greater than the Gross Domestic Product of the entire world, which the World Bank estimates is $69.97 trillion.

The person currently ranked as the world’s richest person in Forbes, Carlos Slim Helu, is worth about 1/1000th of the global total. This woman in France would need the combined wealth of 221,000 Carlos Slim Helus just to pay this bill.

I bet the bill is an error.

Even so, the mouth breathers at the phone company, Bouygues Telecom, apparently lacked the autonomy or manual dexterity to actually do anything about the bill, except offer a payment plan.

According to Solenne San Jose, a Bouygues Telecom rep started out by telling her the total could not be revised and threatened to draw the money directly from her bank account. After “a series of frantic phone calls,” the company agreed to let San Jose set up an installment plan.

Not surprisingly, she turned down the generous solution, opting instead to pay the 117 euros she owed and not a million more.

San Jose ultimately parted ways with the company, and, after some prodding from the media, Bouygues Telecom agreed to cover her final bill.

Seriously, I would have loved to see the company attempt to draw the money from her bank. That either would have caused laughter from a bank employee, or it would have crashed the entire EU economy once and for all. (The former option seems both more likely and more favorable.)

Since the company agreed to cover the bill, does that mean they must come up with 12 quadrillion euros to balance their accounts? Have they called Goldman Sachs? It seems more likely that they finally noticed a disparity between the claimed total amount of 117 euros and a number that makes my hand hurt when I try to write it. Seriously, how does this even happen? Most calculators don’t even have enough spaces to count to 12 quadrillion.

Photo credit: “Bird on a Wire” by JosephHart on stock.xchng.

Today’s Bonus WTF, October 5, 2012

Posted on October 5, 2012 by wellsdc

This probably won’t be a weekly thing, but sometimes some WTF flies under the radar until the last minute, but needs to be shared.

We’re all familiar with Edvard Munch’s The Scream, yes? Very famous, and very haunting, painting. Prepare to be even more haunted:

This Week in WTF, October 5, 2012

Posted on October 5, 2012 by wellsdc

– A college student at the University of Tennessee required hospitalization with a 0.448 blood alcohol level (you read that right) obtained via an “alcohol enema” (you also read that right). As if that wasn’t bad enough, the alcohol administered to the common-sense-challenged frat boy was Franzia Sunset Blush wine. You think you’re hardcore, kid? In my day, we drank Boone’s, and we put it in our mouths.

– A Ukrainian teenager really likes anime. I mean, she really, really likes it, so much so that she has turned herself into an anime character, mostly with makeup. It’s…….uncanny.

– This is from a month ago, but it’s worth mentioning. As if living in Mississippi weren’t bad enough, and living in Mississippi during Hurricane Isaac weren’t even worse, try to imagine living among thousands of dead nutria washed ashore by the storm. Or, you know, don’t try to imagine that. (No disrespect intended towards the good people of Mississippi with that jab at your state. It’s the bad people I was addressing.)

– A Supervisor in San Francisco wants to ban nudity in public spaces.

San Francisco Supervisor Scott Wiener plans to tell nudists to butt out of public plazas and other spots through legislation he is introducing at Tuesday’s Board of Supervisors meeting.

The District 8 supervisor Weiner said he planed to introduce legislation Tuesday that would prohibit display of one’s genitals and buttocks on sidewalks, plazas and aboard public transit.

The proposal calls for a $100 fine for the first offense, $200 for the second and a possible misdemeanor charge for a third. Nudity would still be allowed at events such as the Folsom Street Fair, Pride Parade and Bay to Breakers run.

First off, his name is Weiner. Tee hee. Second, you mean this isn’t already illegal in San Francisco? I feel like such a prude…

– In Oregon, a 70 year-old farmer went out to feed his hogs and never came back. Because they ate him. That’s it, I’m done for this week.

I receive faxes

Posted on October 3, 2012 by wellsdc

One of the fun things about having a digital fax number is that you can receive all the spam your heart desires and never waste any paper. You still waste time making sure the fax isn’t something important, but then again I have no idea why anyone would be faxing me anything. What is this, 1998?

Today was kind of special, though. Today I received a fax that clearly recognizes my brilliance and my contributions to society, even if the person who sent it clearly has no idea who I am. I will attach the PDF of the fax below, but here’s a fun little deconstruction, with my comments in red.

Dear Latino Professional, (Wait, what?)

You have been considered for inclusion in The Latino American Who’s Who forthcoming 2012 edition. (Just “considered”? Is this not a final thing? Please don’t tease me. It’s mean.) This is our second attempt to recognize you as a leading Latino Professional. (Define “recognize,” because I am so not Latino.) We at the registry feel the Latino culture and influence is felt more so today than ever before (There we certainly agree) and your contributions to the Latino business community warrants inclusion. (Um, how? Because I grew up in San Antonio? Because I can speak bad Spanish when desperately necessary? I advertised my law firm in a Spanish-language newspaper for one month in 2003. Was that it? Is it because of my love of Mexican food? I’m sure I’ve helped out a few local restaurants in my time.)

The 2012 edition of The Latino American Who’s Who facilitates a networking platform that is comprised of leading Latino American executives and professionals that have met a degree of recognizable success within their respective industry or profession. (Then why are you talking to me?) This is a publication that shows how successful the Latino community has become! (Dude, I trust you. I don’t need any more books in my house!) The registry is published annually and there will be no fees or dues to be included in the edition. (Wait, it’s free to be listed, and it makes me look important? I’m listening…)

To be considered for The Latino American Who’s Who complete the form below and fax it back to us. (You appear to already know where I am. What if I’m too busy contributing to the Latino business community to complete a form?) Upon receipt, a representative will contact you for verification and completion. (So you have to verify who I am? I’m beginning to think that this isn’t even targeted marketing, but rather a throw-stuff-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks approach. And here I thought I was special…) Space is limited and a prompt response is appreciated. (Oh no! How much time do I have? You can’t be too pressed if this is the second time you’ve tried to solicit my pale WASPy butt.) The Who’s Who registry Dedicated to the Latino Community!! (You know you left out some punctuation there, right?)

Original fax (PDF file)

Seriously, Latino American Who’s Who, you don’t want me in your publication. Anxiety-ridden white lawyers-turned-bloggers like me already have quite a few outlets for our own publicity. I’m flattered, but I’ll pass.

An Open Letter to America’s Hipsters

Posted on August 30, 2012 by wellsdc

Punkartkaietsi has created tutorials on how to make two kinds of bracelets (1, 2) out of expired pills that are still encased in their original blister packs. She used her expired ferrum pills for both craft projects. (via Laughing Squid)

This is it, hipsters of America. This is the moment that you Went Too Far. Please stop now. Your glasses look stupid, and the mustaches are even worse. Your poetry and your photography were never very good, and many, many engineers worked very hard to develop multi-geared bicycles to facilitate travel within urban areas. It’s over. Go take a shower.

(Cross-posted on Tumblr.)

Good Neighbor/Bad Neighbor

Posted on August 18, 2012 by wellsdc

There’s some sort of symbolism here.

Photo credit: ‘Pool dirty’ by Andrius v110 [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

I’ll have my cake with some extra WTF? please

Posted on August 11, 2012 by wellsdc

You could call it Amelanistic Burmese Python cake, or just snake cake.

You should probably call it whatever it wants to be called. (Cake by North Star Cakes, Kent, UK)

Another reason why you shouldn’t text while driving

Posted on August 6, 2012 by wellsdc

In addition to being part of a growing trend of automobile accidents, you might become a victim of irony:

In yet another example of why you shouldn’t text and drive, an Alabama college student drove off a cliff while texting.

Fortunately, he survived, but incurred some serious injuries. After six months of recovering, he’s finally able to talk about it.

Right before Chance Both’s truck went over a cliff, he texted, “I need to quit texting, because I could die in a car accident.”

Seriously, folks, don’t text while driving. Even if you’re as lucky as this guy, it’s not as funny as it might sound. It’s also completely illegal in many places.

Cryptic Philosopher

IT'S A TRAP!!!

Category Archives: Weird