One of the fun things about having a digital fax number is that you can receive all the spam your heart desires and never waste any paper. You still waste time making sure the fax isn’t something important, but then again I have no idea why anyone would be faxing me anything. What is this, 1998?
Today was kind of special, though. Today I received a fax that clearly recognizes my brilliance and my contributions to society, even if the person who sent it clearly has no idea who I am. I will attach the PDF of the fax below, but here’s a fun little deconstruction, with my comments in red.
Dear Latino Professional, (Wait, what?)
You have been considered for inclusion in The Latino American Who’s Who forthcoming 2012 edition. (Just “considered”? Is this not a final thing? Please don’t tease me. It’s mean.) This is our second attempt to recognize you as a leading Latino Professional. (Define “recognize,” because I am so not Latino.) We at the registry feel the Latino culture and influence is felt more so today than ever before (There we certainly agree) and your contributions to the Latino business community warrants inclusion. (Um, how? Because I grew up in San Antonio? Because I can speak bad Spanish when desperately necessary? I advertised my law firm in a Spanish-language newspaper for one month in 2003. Was that it? Is it because of my love of Mexican food? I’m sure I’ve helped out a few local restaurants in my time.)
The 2012 edition of The Latino American Who’s Who facilitates a networking platform that is comprised of leading Latino American executives and professionals that have met a degree of recognizable success within their respective industry or profession. (Then why are you talking to me?) This is a publication that shows how successful the Latino community has become! (Dude, I trust you. I don’t need any more books in my house!) The registry is published annually and there will be no fees or dues to be included in the edition. (Wait, it’s free to be listed, and it makes me look important? I’m listening…)
To be considered for The Latino American Who’s Who complete the form below and fax it back to us. (You appear to already know where I am. What if I’m too busy contributing to the Latino business community to complete a form?) Upon receipt, a representative will contact you for verification and completion. (So you have to verify who I am? I’m beginning to think that this isn’t even targeted marketing, but rather a throw-stuff-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks approach. And here I thought I was special…) Space is limited and a prompt response is appreciated. (Oh no! How much time do I have? You can’t be too pressed if this is the second time you’ve tried to solicit my pale WASPy butt.) The Who’s Who registry Dedicated to the Latino Community!! (You know you left out some punctuation there, right?)
Seriously, Latino American Who’s Who, you don’t want me in your publication. Anxiety-ridden white lawyers-turned-bloggers like me already have quite a few outlets for our own publicity. I’m flattered, but I’ll pass.