Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the River…

…It turns out you were probably never all that safe in fresh water anyway.

Speartooth shark melbourne

Himantura polylepis

Photo credits: Bill Harrison from Wellington, New Zealand (Shark attack) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons; Barry Rogge (Stingray) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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Monday Morning Cute: Transitional Cuteness

I’m not sure if Ambondro mahabo is actually a “transitional fossil,” or if it was really as mean as it looks in this artistic representation, or if it was actually blue. It is kind of cute, though.

By Alannis (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikimedia Commons

It is also a relative of the echidna and the platypus, and they’re cute in a weird sort of way.

Photo credit: By Alannis (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons.

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We’re Number Four! Sort Of.

I came across this chart on Wikipedia the other day, showing the distribution of the various orders among the 5,416 currently living and recently extinct species of mammals.

By Aranae (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

You might note that primates rank fourth among all orders of mammals. This order includes humans, other apes (yeah, I went there), gibbons, baboons, monkeys, lemurs, tarsiers, lorises, aye-ayes, etc. I’d say we’re in good company.

In substantial first place, of course, are the rodents, e.g. mice, rats, squirrels, beavers, porcupines, hamsters, guinea pigs, and capybaras.

In sizeable second place, making up nearly 1/4 of all mammal species, are the bats, e.g., uh, bats and flying foxes.

Third place threw me for a second, because I had not heard of Soricomorpha. Turns out that’s the relatively new classification for most types of shrews and moles. They used to be in a bigger order that included hedgehogs, which I remember from my nerdy childhood.

By José Luis Bartheld from Valdivia, Chile (Monito del Monte) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The monito del monte. My autocorrect tried to change it to “mojito.”

In last place, we have the single species of aardvark, a taxonomically lonely beast that is cute in its own special way. Another single-species order comes in second-to-last (really making this a tie for last place) is the monito del monte, a marsupial that looks like a mouse and lives in South America. The next-to-last few orders only have two extant species: the marsupial moles and the flying lemurs.

Anyway, I guess I’m still pretty nerdy about this stuff.

Photo credits: Aranae (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons; José Luis Bartheld from Valdivia, Chile (Monito del Monte) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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Monday Morning Cute: Multi-legged, primordial squee

The horseshoe crab has some pretty terrifying ancestors, as I have discussed here in the past. It may also have descended from the less-terrifying, more -intriguing trilobites, which went extinct over 100 million years ago after a 300 million-year run. In addition to horseshoe crabs, the trilobites may have developed into horseshoe shrimp, believed to be among the oldest living species on Earth, remaining nearly unchanged for about 200 million years.

It’s also strangely cute:

"A Noodly Encounter" by jurvetson [CC BY 2.0], on Flickr

I suppose “cuteness” is a highly subjective concept.

They are very small, roughly 2 to 4 millimeters in length, which has a great deal to do with their apparent cuteness. If the creature pictured above were, say, the size of a Ford Fiesta, I would not be discussing its cuteness, but rather wondering how I could get my hands on a tank.

DocCrystal on darkcrystal.wikia.com

Not cute. Fortunately, also not real.

Photo credits: “A Noodly Encounter” by jurvetson [CC BY 2.0], on FlickrDocCrystal on darkcrystal.wikia.com.

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Test Your Color Acuity, While Learning What “Color Acuity” Is!

I am apparently slightly gray/green colorblind, at least based on my erstwhile tendency to think that gray things are actually a sort of pale green color. Yes, I learned this on St. Patrick’s Day years ago.

My “color acuity” is reasonably good, though, at least according to the “Online Color Challenge.” I scored a 17 out of 99, with 0 being the best score. According to the test results, the highest score in my age and gender group is 7,999,740, which is a bit higher than 99, where the scale seems to end. Not sure what’s going on there.

Screen Shot 2013-09-12 at 11.20.28 AM

Screen Shot 2013-09-12 at 11.20.47 AM

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Monday Morning Cute: Newly-Discovered Cuteness

Scientists have discovered a “new” species of carnivore, the olinguito, in South America. I say “new” in quotes because the animal is not new, just the discovery. The olinguito has probably been scampering around the jungle for eons, not caring that humans had not assigned it a genus and species (Bassaricyon neblina, in case you’re curious).

To be fair, the olinguito is pretty adorable.

By Mark Gurney [CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

 The olinguito gets its name from the classically-beautiful actress Lena Olin:

Bobby Mcdobbin [CC BY-SA 2.0], on Flickr

Wait, that’s not right. It gets its name from the olingo, a close-relative that also lives in South America, and is presumably slightly bigger than the olinguito. I don’t know if the olingo gets its name from the Olin family, but I sort of doubt it.

Lest you get carried away with the olinguito’s cuteness, keep in mind that it is a member of the family Procyonidae, part of the order Carnivora. So while it is in the same taxonomic orders as puppies and kittens, its closest well-known relative is the raccoon.

Photo credits: Mark Gurney [CC-BY-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons; Bobby Mcdobbin [CC BY-SA 2.0], on Flickr.

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The Horseshoe Crab’s Terrifying Pedigree

The horseshoe crab is an interesting critter, remaining relatively unchanged for hundreds of millions of years. One species lives in the Atlantic Ocean along the North American coast, while the other three species live in the waters off Southeast and East Asia. It looks sort of like what you imagine might happen if a facehugger from the Alien movies mated with a large beetle.

You’ve probably never wondered what a horseshoe crab orgy looks like, but if you read past this line, you’re going to find out.

Horseshoe crabs mating in the Delaware Bay of Southern New Jersey, by Asturnut (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/), GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)], via Wikipedia

Of course I would find the horseshoe crab fascinating, because I’m into that sort of thing. Also, of course, I would want to learn more about it for the benefit of my reader(s). And whoa, does the horseshoe crab get scary when you dig into its lineage. Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, June 7, 2013

3556826420_d006ae707e_oI return to my hallowed tradition of collecting oddities for the enjoyment of my reader(s). These are sort of some “greatest hits” collected over the past few months, but “This Past Six Months in WTF” doesn’t sound as good as “This Week…” Just go with it.

– The female southern bottletail squid was the topic of some discussion this week after io9 revealed that she, uh………swallows.

– A Chinese real estate company came up with a novel way to sell properties, by painting the floor plans on the backs of women in bikinis. Apparently, it’s working (h/t Sallie).

Via bitrebels.com [Fair use]

Via bitrebels.com

– A Ukrainian woman sought political asylum in the European Union because of persecution due to her participation in the adult film industry. To be clear, the woman, who performed under the name Wiska, claimed that the government was persecuting her because of her involvement, which she contends was based on economic need, not direct coercion. She faced criminal charges in Ukraine and possible loss of her children. The Czech Republic denied her asylum application, but she announced that she intended to appeal. The protest group Femen, which consists of topless Ukrainian women, is supporting her.

– A county employee in Dallas offered perhaps the best excuse in the history of the universe for being late to work: Continue reading

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“Literally, as a fundamentalist”

800px-The_Creation_of_AdamFrom an account of a debate between Richard Dawkins and Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth in the U.K., Lord Jonathan Sacks:

The Jewish leader then asked Dawkins how many Judaic commentaries he read before writing about the Old Testament in his book, to which the atheist professor admitted that “enlightened Jewish commentators would repudiate these horrific stories,” referring to the slaughter of the Ammonites in the Bible.

The author insisted, however, that he was referring to the God of the Old Testament as he actually appears in the text. This prompted Lord Sachs to accuse Dawkins of reading the Bible “literally, as a fundamentalist.”

“How do you decide which bits are symbolic and which bits are not?” Dawkins later asked.

“Very simple,” the Chief Rabbi replied. “The rabbis in the 10th century laid down the following principle: if a biblical narrative is incompatible with established scientific fact, it is not to be read literally.”

Two comments on this:

First, I cannot speak for how religious texts are interpreted in Judaism, although I know there are a wide array of interpretations. There is likely to be an even wider array of interpretations in Christianity, mostly just because there are quite a few more Christians. Most Christians, I suspect, do not derive their religious beliefs from studious review of theological texts. I suppose it is possible that an intensive reading of Judaic commentaries informs the religious views of most of the world’s Jews, but for Christians, I very much doubt it. It is mostly based on what people learn from their families and communities, often delivered in easy-to-digest bites by ministers, pastors, etc. The argument that a person cannot argue against a foundational religious text without first reading an extensive array of supplemental materials is fallacious thinking at its finest. It even has a name: the Courtier’s Reply.

My main comment, though, is Lord Sachs’ assertion that the question of scriptural literalism is based on the extent of its overlap with established science. There’s a name for this, too: the God of the Gaps. Scientific knowledge keeps growing, you see, as we continue to explore, research, and learn. By the standard set forth by Lord Sachs, religion can only get smaller, as formerly-literal teachings become figurative. Sooner or later, if a teaching has to give way to science, how can any of them have literal meaning?

Just saying.

Photo credit: “The Creation of Adam” [Public domain], via RationalWiki.

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Nitpick of the Day: Ferrets are Not Rodents

Austin’s KVUE News reported yesterday on a man, possibly in Brazil, who made a shocking discovery about his two pet poodles. Specifically, he learned that they are not poodles at all, but rather ferrets jacked up on steroids.

The unsourced story is certainly good for a shocked guffaw, except that it set off my NCD (Nerd Compulsive Disorder, which I hope to lobby for inclusion in the DSM-VI) when it described the two beasts as “giant rodents pumped with steroids to look like dogs.” Bad KVUE, bad!

The domesticated ferret, known to zoologists and geeks as Mustela putorius furo, is a placental mammal in the order Carnivora. Other well-known members of Carnivora includes dogs, cats, raccoons, meerkats, wolverines, honey badgers, lions, tigers, and bears (shut up.) Continue reading

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