My Right Not to Get Shot

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So, uh, this happened…

I alluded to this earlier, but it merits its own discussion: I am standing up for my right to not get shot. Sure, it is not expressly stated in the Bill of Rights that I have a right not to be the unwitting victim of someone who forgot to clear his chamber before carrying his gun in public, but I shall posit that I have the right nonetheless. Call it a penumbra right, or one of the rights guaranteed by the Ninth Amendment that the Supreme Court is too lazy to address.

Consider this: no one, to my knowledge, has ever successfully challenged a conviction for unlawful discharge of a firearm on Second Amendment grounds. Laws prohibiting homicide, several centuries of jurisprudence would suggest, trump any individual’s right to bear arms (whether you can keep your gun after a criminal conviction is a different question, and has been subject to much legal wrangling.) See, no one is seriously threatening to come and take your guns. It is both unconstitutional and ridiculously impractical. The NRA says that to get you to buy more guns. It’s not a conspiracy, because it’s really obvious what the NRA is doing.

Moving on to individual discussion about guns, if your first response to any critical commentary on guns is to loudly assert your Second Amendment rights, you sound like a jackass, and I no longer feel constrained by politeness to refrain from telling you that you sound like a jackass. I’m not saying you can’t own guns. I’m not even necessarily saying that you can’t carry your gun around. What I am saying is that you have no right to expect me to assume, on sight, that you are one of those “law-abiding” gun owners. Continue reading

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Lawyer Live-Tweets Delaware Courthouse Shooting, Draws Ire by Daring to Speak Ill of Guns

(WARNING: I’m going to say some not-nice things about guns in this post. If this bothers you, please click this link.)

A gunman entered a courthouse in Wilmington, Delaware at about 8:00 a.m. local time this morning and shot at least four people, killing two, before police killed him. One of the deceased, according to CNN, might be his “estranged wife,” but nothing is certain, since this occurred less than two hours ago as I am typing this. I wish that I could add surprise to my disgust, but someone deciding to resolve things with their estranged spouse via bullets is not an original solution. My main impetus for buying a handgun in 2008, in my lawyering days, was out of a sense of discomfort around certain opposing parties in a few lawsuits.

What is still relatively novel is the phenomenon of live-tweeted tragedies. Anyone who has lived through a traumatic event knows that thoughts come in random and unpredictable ways. Anyone who makes frequent use of Twitter knows that people can now share those thoughts in as long as it takes to type 140 characters or less into a handy smartphone. They also know that a quick thought sent into the Twitterverse may be subject to extensive deconstruction by people who have the luxury of not being in the immediate aftermath of a traumatic event, and who will presume to know better than that person how they should have responded.

That brings me to my point. I have never met Jennifer S. Lubinski, nor have I ever been to Wilmington, Delaware. We are privy to her thoughts on the experience, though, thanks to social media.

 

I guess mentioning the NRA was her big mistake. As we all know, guns don’t kill people. That guy could have just as easily walked into that courthouse with a knife, baseball bat, or extremely taut rubber band and killed the same number of people, because shutuplibertySecondAmendmentFREEDOM. One might be tempted to call that hyperbole, but minor challenges to the sanctity of guns tend to bring out the sputtering and syntactically challenged among us. I really see no point in blocking out the names on these gems, especially since I am mostly going off of the tweets that Ms. Lubinski herself retweeted, or that were made in direct reply to her. Continue reading

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Today’s Bad Literary Pun

A prominent feature of The Hunger Games books (no spoilers) is the annoyingly Twilight-esque question of whether Katniss will end up with Gale or Peeta, because even in the post-apocalyptic indeterminate future, apparently, young adult tropes demand a love triangle.

Hunger Games Love Triangle

My point in bringing this up is that someone on Facebook just pointed out to me that the pairing of Peeta and Katniss may appropriately be dubbed PeeNiss.

Peeta plus Katniss

Now it’s stuck in your head, too.

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27 Years Ago Today, I Remember Where I Was

On January 28, 1986, I was in 5th grade, in Mrs. Lukens’ class. We were working on math when the principal came on the PA to tell us that the space shuttle exploded.

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To this day, I get emotional about the memory. I think every generation has at least one “where were you” moment. My parents’ generation had the Kennedy assassination. We had the Space Shuttle Challenger. Then we had 9/11. I hope we’re done.

Photo credit: By Kennedy Space Center [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

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How the Loss of Male Privilege Affects Men Who Don’t Care About Male Privilege (Short Title: Suck It Up, Dude)

(Originally posted in a Facebook comment thread.)

I used to bristle at being “lumped in with rapists, chauvinists and domineering punks” too. The problem is that, as a society, we are trying to have it both ways, and the only means of achieving equality that I can see is for men to endure a tiny bit of stereotyping (and honestly, who among us men has actually suffered real harm solely by being “lumped in with rapists, chauvinists and domineering punks”? I’m guessing none. Any harm that might seem to result from that is more likely to be based on individual circumstances.)

Back to my original point about having it both ways, just to give one example, a common trope with regard (trigger warning) to sexual assault is that women need to be more watchful and mindful, while at the same time men get offended when a woman acts as though he might be a potential rapist. Those two ideas cannot coexist. I hope that we can one day live in a world where avoiding sexual assault is 100% the purview of the potential assailant, but we are not there yet by a long shot. Until that time, so long as any men in our society continue to act as though their loss of male privilege somehow constitutes actual oppression, the rest of us have to live with that tiny bit of stigma.

Two conclusions I draw from this: (1) let’s focus our efforts on rooting out the male behavior at the core, rather than criticizing the largely-female-held opinions that are merely the result; and (2) we’re men, so according to our own folklore, we can handle a bit of criticism, right? (BTW, the opinions I am referencing are by no means limited exclusively to men, women, or any gender in between or elsewhere.)

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Something Even More Annoying than Food Pictures on Social Media

Let’s face it: people are posting too many pictures of their food to social media sites, especially Instagram. I know, I know. I don’t have to look at the pictures, and no one is suggested imposing a legal ban on food pictures (so keep your First Amendment rants to yourself, thank you much). It’s just an irritating trend. In fact, pictures of food topped BuzzFeed’s list of “11 Things No One Wants to See You Instagram.”

That said, I will freely admit that I post pictures of food on occasion. On. Occasion.

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The world needs to know that these exist. I regret nothing.

I am not a prolific poster on Instagram. I may post to Facebook every five minutes, according to some who probably wish they had my type of ADHD, but I try to limit photos to things that are interesting, unique, or for which I have an awesome caption. I do post pictures of food from time to time. Just this week, I posted a picture of the beignet pancakes I had at Kerbey Lane, because how often does anyone get to eat beignet pancakes? How awesome is the very concept of beignet pancakes??? Beignet freaking pancakes!!!!!!!

(I also reserve the right to post pictures of ridiculously overblown chili cheeseburgers and absurdly large cinnamon rolls. The common thread is a unique mix of superlative qualities and hyperbole.)

Apparently, some people have taken amateur food photography to a whole new level, according to the New York Times:

There are the foreign tourists who, despite their big cameras, tend to be very discreet. There are those who use a flash and annoy everyone around them. There are those who come equipped with gorillapods — those small, flexible tripods to use on their tables.

There are even those who stand on their chairs to shoot their plates from above.

People, get over yourselves. I mean, I know this is all taking place in Manhattan, the home of pretension those of us in the provinces can scarcely imagine, but really, gorillapods?

The solutions some of these restaurants have found, however, might be even more annoying than the food photography: Continue reading

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The New York Times Says Something Mildly Critical of Profit-Driven Healthcare; Conservatives Predictably Lose Their Damn Minds

983494_13007489From the din certain people on the right have been making, they apparently think that the New York Times has the unilateral power to set American domestic economic policy. Someone really needs to explain to some people the difference between offering an opinion on a matter of public interest and tyrannically imposing dictates. Newspapers generally do the former. Very, very, very few people do the latter.

The pages of the New York Times featured a rather poorly-sourced, polemical piece by Eduardo Porter entitled “Health Care and Profits, a Poor Mix.” He cites a 1984 study that found that for-profit nursing homes used far more sedatives on their patients than comparable nursing homes that were affiliated with churches, and therefore non-profit. The reason, according to Porter (citing other authors), was that sedatives are cheaper than caregivers, and it is better for the bottom line to dope up your residents as opposed to hiring trained staffers who can provide individual attention and treatment.

That sounds perfectly rational, actually. Is Porter right? Well, he only has the one study that was published during Reagan’s first term, along with a scattered assortment of other academic papers. That hardly builds up to a mountain of evidence indicting profit-driven nursing homes. There is a certain amount of common-sense appeal to the idea that nursing home administrators who are principally beholden to corporate shareholders have greater incentive to cut corners, and it certainly happens all the time. Nonprofit healthcare facilities, however, don’t exactly get to write blank checks for state-of-the-art care. Their motivation might be to stretch the money out until the next grant check arrives. Porter’s article raises some good questions, but does not give us enough information to state a definitive preference.

Of course, that doesn’t stop some people from going apoplectic. See, Porter committed the cardinal sin of saying something mean about the free market. The free market—sorry, the Free Market—is always right. Because shut up.

A Google search of the two authors of the 1984 study, Bonnie Svarstad and Chester Bond, yields a treasure trove of overreaction. (Incidentally, their paper, “The Use of Hypnotics in Proprietary and Church-Related Nursing Homes,” does not appear to be available online, so none of us can check Porter’s work.) Let us bring on the hysterics! Continue reading

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Beware the Vampire Cops

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“Good evening, Officer The Impaler. May I call you Vlad?”

Police may soon have the authority to draw blood from you, even without your consent or a warrant, if they suspect you of driving while intoxicated. That was the argument, in its most basic form, put forth by the state of Missouri to the U.S. Supreme Court this week in Missouri v. McNeely, No. 11-1425.

The case involves a man pulled over for an alleged traffic offense, then arrested for suspected DWI when the officer noticed the “tell-tale signs” of drunkenness and the smell of booze. The man refused both breath and blood tests after reportedly flunking the field-sobriety test. The officer, who claimed in court that he read an article saying cops no longer needed warrants to draw blood (I did not make that up. Missouri v. McNeely, 358 S.W.3d 65, 68 (Mo. 2012) (“He testified that the article asserted officers no longer needed to obtain a warrant before requiring DWI suspects to submit to nonconsensual blood tests…”)), drove the man to a hospital and instructed a phlebotomist to draw blood. The blood test revealed a blood alcohol content of…….actually, we don’t need to know what it revealed, because Mr. McNeely moved the trial court to suppress the blood test results as a violation of his Fourth Amendment rights, and the court did so.

Without the blood evidence, the prosecution had no case. Unlike Law and Order, where they start shaking down other witnesses until they can make a case again, the prosecutors here appealed the order to the Missouri Supreme Court, which also said no. The court cited the U.S. Supreme Court in Schmerber v. California, 384 U.S. 757 (1966), which carved out a narrow exception in the case of a drunk-driving suspect who was injured in a car accident. Because of the time required to transport the guy to the hospital, along with the limited amount of time alcohol stayed in the body, the police in that case were justified in drawing blood without a warrant because (a) time was of the essence, and (b) the guy was already in a hospital bed.

Missouri prosecutors, with the federal government’s support, have now taken this to the high court. They are essentially asking the court to apply the holding of Schmerber to any DWI investigation. In other words, they claim that the fact that the human body metabolizes alcohol, by itself, should constitute exigent circumstances justifying a warrantless blood test. A blood test, by the way, that involves sticking a hypodermic needle into a vein in your arm and drawing a vial of precious bodily fluids.

I happen to personally think that people who drive while intoxicated need a severe ass beating. I have physically obstructed people I knew to be drunk from going anywhere near their vehicles, and I have hidden keys from people. I have never sucker-punched a drunk person to distract them from trying to get to their car, but I have certainly considered doing so (the person in question, even eight sheets to the wind, would have kicked my ass.)

That said, I find the precedent of allowing cops to collect blood without a warrant, regardless of the circumstances, very troubling. I already think that “no refusal” weekends (which are actually no different from any other weekend) are bumping up against constitutional limits.

At any rate, don’t drive drunk. If you do, I might work up the nerve to sucker-punch you.

Photo credit: by Curious Expeditions on Flickr.

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Monday Morning Cute: Make the Most of What You Have

For the final cute post of 2012, here is Anakin, the two-legged cat:

He reminds me of this comic.

Happy New Year, everyone!

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