– Ironically Eldritch: To kick off the month of Halloween, here are some of the stories of H.P. Lovecraft, presented as rather mundane webcomics (h/t io9).
– N4u6h7y l33t: How does one troll the Peninsula High School class of 2015? A bit of computer-nerd jargon ought to do nicely (h/t Alice).
By CairoSmith, via Reddit, HuffPo
– Do I, uh, lick the frosting first?: Even if it’s a hoax, the story of the mom who made vagina cookies for her kid’s second-grade class, then got mad when the teacher wouldn’t let the kids have them, is comedy gold.
– “We seem to be experiencing turbulence due to—DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS!!!”: If you thought singing Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston incessantly was a f****d up reason for an emergency plane landing, I present to you the flight that had to land in Omaha, en route from Boston to L.A., because of a “frenzied, masturbating passenger.” Mind you, it wasn’t just that he was masturbating openly. He also allegedly tried to open one of the exit doors mid-flight. Which would you choose as the lede?
– With great power comes great…….damage claims: A woman’s $250 million lawsuit against Disney claims that the company stole her life story to make the movie Frozen. Continue reading
– That was supposed to be a figure of speech: A Chinese candy company accidentally supplied candy stores all over New Zealand’s South Island with bags of dicks—technically, bags of phallus-shaped candy, but I like my way of saying it.
– For the mourner on the go: A funeral home in Michigan is offering drive-thru viewings (h/t Amy).
I’ll just leave it at that.
– Math just got interesting: A Thai textbook publisher recalled a math textbook once someone (presumably anonymously) notified them that what they probably thought was a stock photo of a teacher on the book’s cover was actually a Japanese porn star. I’m not entirely sure what the big deal is, as the picture is of a fully-clothed woman holding a folder while standing in front of a chalkboard with math-related stuff written on it. I guess the association with adult entertainment renders people unable to avoid the thought that she is naked underneath her teacher costume.
– Worst plane ride ever: You think crying babies are bad? How about a woman who won’t stop singing “I Will Always Love You” (originally by Dolly Parton but made famous by Whitney Houston…..and The Simpsons)? It was so bad that the Los Angeles-to-New York flight had to land in Kansas City so the woman could be removed.
I imagine she switched over to “Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen.”
– This is not what we do in a civilized society: I’ve written about this before. It is absolutely, completely unacceptable to do this sort of thing. I don’t even want to write down what it is. You will go to jail, and your name will be in the news.
– Principals just don’t understand: The first day at a new school is always scary for a teenager. Administrators at a school in Florida (where else?) decided to add some public humiliation and emotional trauma for one 14-year-old girl on her first day, when she violated a dress code she might not have even known existed: Continue reading
– Never get poisoned again: Baidu, a large Chinese company, has developed “smart chopsticks.”
Chinese internet giant Baidu has unveiled a pair of ‘smart chopsticks’ that can detect contaminants in food and report back to smartphone and desktop apps.
The compapny (often known as ‘China’s Google’) says the prototype device is currently designed to detect temperature and whether food was produced using ‘gutter oil’ – reused cooking oil that’s potentially toxic – but that future models could also flag up contaminated water and measure salt levels.
I had not heard of “gutter oil” before, and now I really wish I hadn’t. You might have thought that I selected this story for “WTF” treatment because of the “smart chopsticks,” but you would be wrong. It was because such an invention appears to be very, very, very, very, very, very, very necessary.
– I don’t get it, but I don’t need to: Some new mothers want to eat their placentas (placentae?), but hospitals won’t let them because of medical waste laws.
No further commentary offered.
– The location must have been great: I guess if you really want to rent an apartment in London:
At a London apartment the rent is too damn high, and the ceiling is too damn low.
A landlord has been fined for renting out a studio apartment that could only be entered by crawling on all fours. Not only could the apartment itself only be entered on all fours, but to get to the tiny front door tenants needed to first crawl up a set of stairs in the same fashion, with the ceiling varying between 27 inches at its lowest point and 47 inches at its highest. The Guardian points out that this would be too low for the average 3-year-old to stand upright.
Landlord Yaakov Marom had been warned by the city that the apartment was not fit for renting, but he failed to comply with the warning and was discovered to be renting to the room to a couple for about $700 per month.
Yes, $700/month to have to crawl into your domicile. Now, to be fair, maybe the apartment itself was really nice.
Also, to be fair, I haven’t rented for a few years, so maybe $700/month actually is a good deal. Sigh.
– Not a pearl necklace: (Warning, sophomoric sex humor ahead.) Continue reading
Ferguson, MO.
Robin Williams.
Border refugees.
Gaza.
ISIS.
Ukraine.
Other current events that don’t immediately spring to mind on this particular Friday morning.
Too much sh!t to be flippant this week.
– Headline of the Decade: Kim Jong Un Went to a Lubricant Factory.
The article also wins Best Use of the Word “Effused”:
Touring both the factory floor and control rooms, Kim effused over the factory’s automation.
(h/t Bluegal)
– I bet you’ll read the fine print now: Side effects of a certain medication may include spontaneous orgasms.
– Saved by the Biebs: A Russian man narrowly escaped death at the hands paws of a bear thanks to a Justin Bieber ringtone: Continue reading
– Whatever motivates you, I guess: Need an incentive to exercise? There are several devices on the market that will track your progress, but only one that delivers an electric shock when you miss a workout.
Do you like jogging, but wish it was a little more like a Saw movie and/or dystopian nightmare in which thigh gaps have become the global currency? Well, today in horrible ideas: A new wearable fitness tracker that actually zaps users with an electric shock if they stop exercising will be hitting the market later this year.
– Ew: A dead body was under the bed at a motel for five years. The motel had an interesting reason for not acting on around one thousand complaints regarding the room: Continue reading
– In Pamplona, “recklessness” is highly relative: Police in Pamplona, Spain are reportedly seeking a man who appears to have taken a selfie while participating in the Running of the Bulls. Because that shit’s dangerous, yo.
According to the Guardian the man faces a fine of up to 3,000 euros under new regulations passed this year in Pamplona, designed to “crack down on dangerous behaviour during the festival.” Because running in front of charging, pissed-off bulls somehow doesn’t qualify as “dangerous behavior.” But throw a selfie into the mix and forget about it—now you’re just being reckless. The new rules prohibit any kind of unauthorized recording during the bull runs.
– Dangerous cosplay: I don’t know who Chun Li is, but I don’t want to mess with her.
– This may be why they call them disposable: If you wear contact lenses, you need to take them out, ideally whenever you sleep if not more often. Otherwise, amoebas might eat your corneas: Continue reading
