Author Archives: wellsdc

My Response to Iowa Republican Representative Steve King on Dog Fighting

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You may have heard about Representative Steve King’s (R-IA) opposition to amendments to the current Farm Bill that would expand federal criminal laws regarding dog fighting. The Dog Files has a good summary of the proposed amendment and Rep. King’s objections:

During a tele-townhall event last week, King complained about an amendment to the farm bill that prohibits attendance at organized animal fights and imposes additional penalties for bringing a child to these bloody and horrific displays. Staging fights, possessing and/or training animals or moving animals for fighting purposes is already a federal crime. This amendment to the US Farm Bill would extend that to anyone spectating and wagering on animal fighting.

Congressman King went as far to say in his live town hall video broadcast that “it’s a federal crime to watch animals fight or to induce someone else to watch an animal fight but it’s not a federal crime to induce somebody to watch people fighting, there’s something wrong with the priorities of people that think like that.”

When I first read this yesterday, my initial impulse was to post a link to the Dog Files story on my Facebook page with a snarky note asking Republicans to please pick up their trash, but two things made me pause before shooting off at the mouth (or keyboard.) First, I’m trying to respond to ideas and arguments that shock my conscience with slightly more restraint, out of a “catch more flies with honey sentiment,” although I admit it is difficult. I will still call stupid “stupid” to its face. And that was the second thing that gave me pause: while I believe Rep. King is 100% wrong, something about the rhetoric he employed prevents me from outright calling it any of my usual deserved slurs. The false equivalence that Rep. King uses here calls for a nuanced response, followed up by an analogy that is both more apt and more inflammatory. In short, Rep. King compares dog fighting to boxing, when I posit that he should be comparing it to child pornography. The following is my open letter to Rep. King. Continue reading →

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The saddest meme in Republican history

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The other day, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid claimed that an unnamed Bain investor told him that Mitt Romney won’t release any more tax returns because that would demonstrate that he did not pay taxes for ten years. We don’t know who actually said that, so it is possible that Senator Reid is making it up. Politicians certainly lie through their teeth all the time–well, Mitt Romney does. I’m sure others do as well.

In response to this, people on the right could have just pointed out that Reid has not provided any evidence for his assertion besides his say-so, which would have gotten the point across that he made an unsupported (albeit plausible) accusation. But that would have been sensible, and this is the American right wing we’re talking about here.

First, they point out that Harry Reid will not release his own tax returns, which is irrelevant because Harry Reid is not running for president.

Not content to leave it at that, someone creates a Twitter hashtag suggesting (facetiously, one hopes) that Harry Reid is a pederast. I assume the intention was to demonstrate the impact of unfounded accusations, not to look like a group of schoolchildren who just learned a big word. The meme yielded gems such as this:

 

 


It’s always just hilarious when a person using “pederasty” as a cheap device for a lame attempt at satire uses words like “disgusting” to describe the other person. It is difficult to fully explain how an allegation made as part of an ongoing controversy over an unprecedentedly tight-lipped presidential candidate’s financial history is different from completely made-up accusations of pederasty by a bunch of Tweeters. Honestly, before yesterday it never would have occurred to me that such a distinction would be necessary. If you haven’t already figured out the distinction, there is no hope for your intellectual development beyond its current state, or you are currently under the age of six.

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Stop! Grammar Time! Know Your Apostrophes

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Your: a possessive second-person adjective, e.g. “You left your whip at my house last night.”

You’re: a contraction of “you are,” thus creating a subject/predicate relationship in a single word. E.g. “You’re getting glitter all over me.”

Its: a possessive third-person gender-neutral adjective, e.g. “The Predator aimed its laser cannon at the Alien Queen.”

It’s: a contraction of “it is,” e.g. “It’s hard out here for a pimp.”

Their: a possessive third-person plural adjective, e.g. “Do not eat their porridge.”

They’re: a contraction of “they are,” e.g. “They’re going to break through the outer barricades and capture our flag!”

There: multi-function word, often serving as an adverb modifying the verb “to be,” e.g. “The the porta-potty is there.” Arguably, uses of “there” as a pronoun (“There are bees in here!”) or as an adjective (“William there, he enjoys a good haggis”) are really just variations on the use of “there” as an adverb. “There” could also be an interjection, e.g. “So there, biatch!”

To review:

Possessive adjectives: your, its, their

Contractions of a pronoun and a verb: you’re, it’s, they’re

Multi-purpose: there

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Batman is a River in Turkey

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320px-Batman,_TurkeySeriously.

The Batman River is a major tributary of the Tigris, joining it near the source of Tigris called Dicle River in southeast Turkey. It originates in the Anti-Taurus Mountains (at the Sason and Genç mountains) and flows approximately from north to south, passing near the city of Batman and forming a natural border between the Batman Province and Diyarbakır Province.

It’s also a city and a province.

Just thought you should know. I seriously doubt that the town has anything related to Bruce Wayne, so if you’re going to attempt “Batman tourism,” please don’t be a douche about it.

Photo credit: ‘Batman, Turkey’ by Bryce Edwards [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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Don’t take my Thin Mints!!!!!

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US Navy 070609-N-6897L-018 Navy Cargo Handling Battalion 8 assists hundreds of Girl Scouts from Westchester and Putnam counties in New York load more than 33,000 boxes of cookies as part of Operation Cookie DropI’m the kind of guy who, in the vicinity of a table where someone is selling Girl Scout cookies, is guaranteed to leave the premises with an amount of Girl Scout Cookie boxes equal in value to the total amount of cash on my person just prior to noticing the table of cookies. I was shocked, shocked, to learn that Girl Scout Daisy Troop #2753 in California says it will not be selling cookies anymore:

Who can resist the allure of a girl scout cookie? We all should, says one troop leader and mom of three from southern California. Monica Serratos, troop leader of Girl Scout Daisy Troop #2753, says her troop is opting out of selling Girl Scout cookies this year and will instead celebrate the Girl Scouts 100th anniversary by displaying a “cake” made of fruit at the Orange County Fair on July 27.

Serratos, 31, said she wanted to call attention to the fact that cookies aren’t good for kids who already get too much sugar at school and at home, so she asked other troop parents to talk with their daughters about the issue.

***

Serratos said she also worries about some of the ingredients in Girl Scout cookies, such as palm oil — the production of which leads to deforestation.

Okay, yes, they have a lot of sugar. Some of them have high fructose corn syrup and trans fats. Some of the cookies have mysterious GM ingredients, although I would hope to serve as living proof that eating one’s weight in Girl Scout cookies will not turn you into a betentacled supervillain (that might not be the primary concern of most people where GMO’s are concerned, but it is for me. Don’t judge.)

You have to understand, Girl Scouts, that I am in the “bargaining” stage of the grief process, perhaps tinged with a bit of denial. What can we do to save the cookies? If it is a concern over high fructose corn syrup, couldn’t we just eliminate it from some other part of our diets to balance things out? I almost never drink non-diet soft drinks, minimizing my HFC exposure. I avoid trans fats, too, whenever possible. What if we convinced everyone in the world to stop using shortening in anything but your cookies? Would that balance the scales in childhood health?

Please, just tell me what to do!!!!!!!

Photo credit: ‘US Navy 070609-N-6897L-018 Navy Cargo Handling Battalion 8 assists hundreds of Girl Scouts from Westchester and Putnam counties in New York load more than 33,000 boxes of cookies as part of Operation Cookie Drop’ by U.S. Navy photo by Lt. Lesley Lykins [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

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Batman, Fascism, and Absurd Occupy Wall Street Caricatures

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586px-Batman_(truck)I just saw The Dark Knight Rises (as in the start time of the movie was just over three four hours ago) and many thoughts are bouncing through my head. I reserve the right to augment/amend my commentary at a later date. Two warnings before I start:

1. There will be spoilers. Stop reading right now if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want it spoiled.

2. If you are the sort of person who prefers not to think about movies too much, or is the sort of person to respond to any negative criticism with something like “Jeez, it’s just a movie!!!” you should stop reading now, too, because you’ll only waste your time. I recommend that you instead check out the blog “Indifferent Cats in Amateur Porn” (NSFW, obviously.)

If you are still reading, I will assume that you have read the above disclaimers, and that you not only are interested in what I have to say, but find it more interesting, somehow, than pictures of cats next to ordinary people’s non-airbrushed junk. So here goes:

Dear sweet Flying Spaghetti Monster, is this movie pro-fascist or what?

I should explain, lest my use of the word “fascist” send you into a tizzy. Certain words have been largely stripped of all meaning by modern political discourse. For example, “socialism” has some very specific economic and political meanings, but tends to mean “stuff that Obama does” to many people. People who lack an understanding of both history and irony claim that he is both socialist and fascist. The Dark Knight Rises, viewed at least one way, is just plain fascist, and I use the meaning of the term applied by Noah Brand in his article “The Dark Knight Rises is a Pro-Fascist Movie”: Continue reading →

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Odd Olympic Editing

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With live streaming of most events, NBC seems to be doing a pretty good job of allowing us to see as much of the Olympics as possible. With one major exception: they omitted a musical number in the opening ceremonies in favor of a bland interview with a rather bland athlete. The musical number may or may not have been a tribute to the victims of the July 7, 2005 terror attacks in London. Why NBC would omit that is still beyond me, but NBC’s explanation defies comprehension:

When asked about editing the song-and-dance performance, an NBC Sports spokesman responded in a statement: “Our program is tailored for the U.S. television audience. It’s a credit to [opening ceremony producer] Danny Boyle that it required so little editing.”

I’m not sure if this is a way of damning Danny Boyle with faint praise, or if I should feel insulted that NBC doesn’t think I, as an American, could normally understand British television without the help of Danny Boyle and NBC. Either way, this is fishy.

NBC has exclusive rights to broadcast the Olympics in the United States, and it seems like we are subject to trademark warnings in almost every commercial break. Given that, you’d think they would at least have the courtesy not to blatantly edit something as major as the opening ceremony.

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“Every Day’s a Good Day When You Paint”

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When life has you down, just remember that:

This is your world – you’re the creator.

Best comment on YouTube, by user Rambw249:

Bob Ross didnt die. God just wanted to learn how to paint. “All you gotta do is believe”

Even if you don’t paint, go find something to create. Bob Ross left us seventeen years, ago, on July 4, 1995, but he found a way to live forever.

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Chick-Fil-A: The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and the WTF? – UPDATED x 2

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320px-ChickFilA-ChickenSandwich

This is what everyone is so worked up about never eating again.

The Good: The Muppets (well, the Jim Henson Company), sever their ties to Chick-Fil-A.

The Bad: The mayor of Boston tells Chick-Fil-A to take a hike. So does the mayor of Chicago. As much as I may wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment, this is not a good idea. Near as I can tell, Chick-Fil-A has not done anything illegal, per se. It would be one thing if the company could not meet some municipal requirements for fairness in hiring, or something similar, but this appears to be a rejection by city officials, in at least two major cities, based solely on the content of Chick-Fil-A’s speech. This has First Amendment problems written all over it, because as long as Chick-Fil-A isn’t breaking the law, it can say whatever dumb crap it wants. We, as consumers, exercise our free speech by criticizing the company, and we exercise our economic rights by eating nasty fried chicken sandwiches elsewhere. The government ought to stick to enforcing the law. Plus, this action potentially sets a dangerous precedent, giving free reign to a far less tolerant mayor of some other city to deny a corporation that supports same-sex equality. (NOTE: The mayor of Boston has withdrawn his threat to bar the company from setting up shop in town.)

The Ugly: Chick-Fil-A recalls its Muppet-themed toys, citing “safety” concerns. Specifically, it claims that, although “there have not been any cases in which a child has actually been injured, however there have been some reports of children getting their fingers stuck in the holes of the puppets.” People all over the world try not to giggle, and very few believe that this announcement is unrelated to contemporary events. (NOTE: If there haven’t been any actual safety concerns, someone could get in quite a bit of trouble for saying that there are.)

The WTF? Someone pretends to be a teenage girl on Facebook in order to lamely defend Chick-Fil-A. Nothing directly links several fake Facebook pages to Chick-Fil-A, so it is likely to be some rogue ally whose help Chick-Fil-A is better of without. The girl’s account promptly disappears from Facebook once “she” is called out. Wil Wheaton helpfully puts out this missing person report:

 

The entire world of social media shudders in dismay. Names like Abby Farle and Cordell Bunton may go down in obscure social media history.

Honorable Mention: Rick “Frothy” Santorum joins Mike “The Huck” Huckabee (he needs a better nickname) in standing up for Chick-Fil-A. So Chick-Fil-A traded the Muppets for these two? Ouch.

UPDATE: Based on my “dangerous precedent” argument above regarding the cities of Boston and Chicago, astute reader Kathleen points out that the precedent, in a sense, was already set nearly two decades ago, right in my own backyard. The commissioners of Williamson County, Texas decided not to give tax breaks to Apple because of Apple’s policy on benefits for same-sex partners. As the AP reported on December 1, 1993:

Commissioners of a Texas county on Tuesday refused to give a tax break to Apple Computer Inc., citing the company’s policy of granting the same health benefits to partners of gay and lesbian employees that it does to heterosexual spouses.

Apple had sought $750,000 in tax abatements over seven years to build an $80-million, 700-employee complex in Williamson County, just north of Austin.

County commissioners rejected the tax abatements, 3-2.

“We’re very disappointed at this time,” Apple spokeswoman Lisa Byrne said. “We’re going to regroup and review our operations. It is unlikely we will locate in Williamson County.”

Debate on the tax break for several weeks centered on Apple’s domestic partner policy.

“I cannot in good conscience extend that benefit to them (Apple) because of the conviction I have that same-sex partners is wrong,” Commissioner Greg Boatwright had said earlier.

After the vote, Charlie Culpepper, the mayor of Round Rock, which is the largest town in Williamson County, said he disagreed with the commissioners.

“I don’t agree with the idea of same-sex marriages, but government needs to stay out of business. Families need jobs,” he said.

I note a couple of key difference between Williamson County’s decision and the mayors of Boston and Chicago, but the overall principle seems to be the same.

1. The mayors in Boston and Chicago seemed to be wanting to deny Chick-Fil-A the right to set up shop in their towns entirely. In Williamson County, it was a decision not to give them a tax break. It’s mostly a cosmetic difference, since such an enormous tax break would constitute most of the incentive for a company to locate in a particular place. At any rate, Apple seems to be doing just fine in Austin, thanks.

2. In Boston and Chicago, the decision was motivated by disagreement with statements made by the company’s owner, essentially ratified by the company’s history of donations. This is, first and foremost, disagreement with the content of the company’s speech. With Apple, the Williamson County commissioners did not disagree with any particular statement of the company, but rather its employment practices. My spin would be that the commissioners objected to the fact that Apple didn’t discriminate against its gay and lesbian employees. I’m not sure if this is any more defensible than a disagreement over speech, but it is a distinction worth noting.

UPDATE 2: The ACLU of Illinois seems to agree with me (h/t Consumerist):

Alderman Moreno’s single-handed actions are wrong and dangerous. The ACLU of Illinois strongly supports full recognition and fair treatment for LGBT persons in Chicago and across Illinois. Indeed, our strong support for the LGBT community led us in May to file a lawsuit challenging the state ban in Illinois on the freedom to marry for same-sex couples. At the same time, we oppose using the power and authority of government to retaliate against those who express messages that are controversial or averse to the views of current office holders. In this instance, the Alderman is using his governmental authority to exclude a business from opening its doors simply because the corporate leadership has expressed anti-LGBT views in the public. This use of government authority simply is not permissible under our Constitution.

We also are concerned how this practice might be applied in the future. If the government is permitted to deny entrance into a Chicago community to Chik-Fil-A based on statements about public policy, then government elsewhere will have the power to exclude the expanding number of businesses who support fairness for LGBT people. Over the longer term, such government censorship would undermine the growing success of the LGBT rights movement.

Photo credit: ‘Chick FilA Chicken Sandwich’ by J. Reed (Flickr) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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