The world is all abuzz about the news that Pope Benedict XVI will retire at the end of February. This news does not affect me at all, but it gives me an opportunity for snark, and I have let far too many of those pass by of late.

What follows is a series of stupid and sarcastic questions. I know they’re stupid. I’m wasting time on purpose here.

This is the first time that a pope has resigned his, uh, popedom since Gregory XII in 1415, who stepped down because of reasons (do you actually care?) Here’s the thing, though: they didn’t dogmatically define the doctrine of papal infallibility until the First Vatican Council of 1869-70. When the current pope steps down, does he have to do something to give up his infallibility, or does he get to keep it? (I am aware that infallibility is quite a bit more complicated than this. To me, that just makes it sillier, but to each their own.)

If he has to give it up, is there a ritual or ceremony for that? Do the books explaining it still exist? I mean, they’d be really old.

If God takes the infallibility powers back, are there any safeguards to protect the outgoing pope’s other senses? What if God accidentally takes his sense of smell too?

If the soon-to-be-ex-pope gets to keep his infallibility, what happens if he and the new pope disagree on a matter of doctrine? I mean, there would be no reason for anyone to ask the previous pope, I assume, but the guy is still going to have opinions? Could this possibly destroy the universe, sort of like in the movie Dogma?

Like this, times infinity