APOCCON

So, here’s a thing that actually happened (h/t Jason):

Former Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) predicted in a recent interview that President Barack Obama’s handling of the Middle East was a sign of the End Times and that Jesus Christ would soon return to Earth.

“If we actually turn our back on Israel as we have seen Barack Obama do today, if that happens then I think we will see a scale and a level of push back in the United States, negative consequences,” Bachmann told Understanding the Times radio host Jan Markell on Sunday. “I don’t know what they are, but I believe that the Bible is true. And believe what the Bible says is that our nation and the people of our nation will reap a whirlwind, and we could see economic disasters, natural disasters.”

Sometime I wonder if these folks think that heaven has a sign that’s like the “DEFCON” sign in WarGames. Every time conservative Christians enact one of the signs from Revelation, God has to lower the APOCCON (that’s “apocalypse condition,” obvs.) When it hits APOCCON 1, well, things will get interesting.

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If You’re Reading This, Then the Viking Apocalypse Probably Didn’t Happen

Emil Doepler [Public domain], via Wikimedia CommonsAccording to some aficionados of Norse mythology, today is predicted to be the day of Ragnarök, the epic final battle ‘twixt good and evil.

I’m scheduling this post for 6:00 p.m. Central Standard Time, Saturday, February 22, 2014. In Sweden right now, it’s already Sunday the 23rd. If Scandinavia is still a cold, dark place with mostly blonde people enjoying a high standard of living and eating lots of mackerel—as opposed to the scene of an Æsir vs. Jötnar battle royale—then we can probably all breathe easy. We have more to fear from coal slurry than the trickster god Loki.

Keep an eye out for giant serpents, though, just in case…

I mean, Harold Camping and all those people who misinterpreted the Mayans were wrong, but maybe third time’s a charm?

Photo credit: Emil Doepler [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

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