Stop! Grammar Time!

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Via xkcd.com. Click to embiggen.

Language is a constantly-evolving beast. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, it is the worst possible form of communication, except for all the others that have been tried. Words fall out of usage, to the point where the lose whatever original meaning they may have had. When is the last time you heard someone, in a fit of pique, say “fie on them”? For that matter, when did you last hear someone use the phrase “a fit of pique”?

At the same time, we add new words to the language at an alarming rate. (It’s not worth crying over, so I’ll just have to LOL.)

I’m not that big on the finer points of English literary conventions. (Note how I put the questions marks outside the quotation marks up there? That’s just how I roll.) What does bug me is when words that have a very specific meaning, often in a legal sense (legalese alert…), start to veer away from their specialized meaning. This eventually causes confusion as to whether someone means the specific definition or something else. Sometimes, hilarity ensues, and sometimes, OMG.

Pondering this (yes, this really is how I spend my time), I thought of the part-snarky, all-dorky headline (unfortunately it’s not original), and I was going to dive into an example. Then I realized that I wasn’t sure if “grammar” is even the right word to use here. What if I should be saying “syntax”?

So I went to the dictionary, and apparently “syntax” is a form of “grammar,” I guess sort of like how entomology is a form of biology.

Grammar:

a : the study of the classes of words, their inflections, and their functions and relations in the sentence

b : a study of what is to be preferred and what avoided in inflection and syntax

Syntax:

a : the way in which linguistic elements (as words) are put together to form constituents (as phrases or clauses)

b : the part of grammar dealing with this

So yeah, I’m going with grammar on this one. Stay tuned.

Image credit: ‘MC Hammer Slide,’ xkcd 108 [CC BY-NC 2.5], via xkcd.com.

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Bob Marley honored with…..wait, what???

A scientist has decided to show his “respect and admiration” for the music of Bob Marley…

Bob-Marley

…by naming a parasitic crustacean after him.

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The late Jamaican musician Bob Marley has joined the “I have a species named after me” club, as a parasitic crustacean has been donned Gnathia marleyi, researchers announced today (July 10).

This blood feeder infests certain fish that live among the coral reefs of the shallow eastern Caribbean Sea.

“I named this species, which is truly a natural wonder, after Marley because of my respect and admiration for Marley’s music,” Paul Sikkel, an assistant professor of marine ecology at Arkansas State University, said in a statement. “Plus, this species is as uniquely Caribbean as was Marley.”

Wikipedia doesn’t have much information on the species, no surprise, except for this tidbit:

It can be found hiding among sea sponges, algae, and pieces of dead coral.

The Yahoo! article mentions a few other newly-discovered species named for famous people, and I think the problem is that, by and large, all of the cool animals, plants, and fungi have already been discovered and named. I doubt anyone should read too much into the following:

A lichen named for Barack Obama, Caloplaca obamae.

A horsefly, native to Australia, named for Beyonce, Scaptia beyonceae.

A trilobite named for Mick Jagger, Aegrotocatellus jaggeri. Considering that the trilobites went extinct before the dinosaurs showed up, and the specimens we have today are dried-out, fossilized husks, let’s go ahead and read something into that. (I’m a little offended on Mick’s behalf.)

Gary Larson, cartoonist of The Far Side, has a “biting louse” that preys on owls named after him, Strigiphilus garylarsoni.

In addition to Gary Larson, Mental Floss has nine more animals/plants with celebrity namesakes, including Harrison Ford, Freddie Mercury, and Hugh Hefner.

Now I really have something to aspire to.

Photo credits: ‘Bob Marley’ by Eddie Mallin (Bob Marley) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons; ‘Gnathiid isopod’ by Y-zo (Own work) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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The crazy things we’ve done

Starfish5Monday was the fiftieth anniversary of Starfish Prime, a high-altitude nuclear test the U.S. conducted over the Pacific Ocean. Via Phil Plait, a/k/a Bad Astronomer:

On July 9, 1962, the US launched a Thor missile from Johnston island, an atoll about 1500 kilometers (900 miles) southwest of Hawaii. The missile arced up to a height of over 1100 km (660 miles), then came back down. At the preprogrammed height of 400 km (240 miles), just seconds after 09:00 UTC, the 1.4 megaton nuclear warhead detonated.

And all hell broke loose.

It pretty much looks like what you would expect a nuclear explosion in low-earth orbit would look like. Nuclear explosions release huge amounts of radiation, obviously, plus electrons and heavy ions. The electrons basically crashed into the molecules of the atmosphere and created an aurora visible for thousands of miles. Then it got crazier: Continue reading

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All Your Breakfast Are Belong to Me

What could possibly go wrong here? I love waffles, eggs, and sausage, so why not put them all together? Presenting Jack in the Box’s Waffle Breakfast Sandwich!

The Expectation:

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The Reality:

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Eight Hundred Pounds of Awesome

320px-U.S_penniesI award this week’s BAMF of the Day title to Thomas Daigle of Milford, Massachusetts. Out of a desire to make his final mortgage payment on his home, where he has lived for thirty-five years, “memorable,” he made his final $620 payment in pennies. Specifically, 62,000 pennies, weighing eight hundred pounds.

Daigle always wanted to make his last payment “memorable,” he told the Milford Daily News. He and his wife Sandra moved into their current home in 1977, and from then on, he began saving just a few pennies a day. After a few years, the coins’ original container — a grape crate — began to budge, so Daigle purchased two military rocket launcher ammo boxes to hold his bounty.

I feel like I should repeat that last clause, for the sake of history.

Daigle purchased two military rocket launcher ammo boxes to hold his bounty.

Thomas Daigle: serving up sarcasm in rocket launcher ammo boxes. Do not mess with this man.

Photo credit: ‘U.S. pennies’ by Roman Oleinik (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 or GFDL], via Wikimedia Commons.

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The Other Great Santini

385px-Ernest_Borgnine_McHale_McHale's_Navy_1962I am of course referring to Ernest Borgnine, who is hopefully not best-known for the role of Dominic Santini on the ’80s TV show Airwolf. He passed away Sunday at the age of 95.

As a kid, I knew his work in Airwolf, but I had no idea that he was an Oscar-winning actor who had appeared in more than a few classic ’50s and ’60s films: From Here to Eternity, The Dirty Dozen, and The Wild Bunch, to name a few. Oh, also Marty, which I still haven’t seen.

He was also the foolish (and doomed) Harry Booth in 1979’s The Black Hole, Disney’s attempt to capitalize on Star Wars. It’s not a good movie, except that it is. He played “Cabbie” in 1981’s Escape from New York, which in retrospect I probably should not have watched as a kid.

He apparently received an Emmy nomination at the age of 92 for a guest part on ER. The last role I saw him in was in a rather pretentious film called 11’09″1 September 11. As the name might indicate, the film is a series of vignettes about the September 11 terror attacks, each one by a different director from a different country, and each one exactly nine minutes, eleven seconds, and one frame in length. “Pretentious” might not be a strong enough word for the concept, but the execution was interesting, and Ernest Borgnine’s performance was great. He played an elderly widower, still in denial about his wife’s….you know what, just watch it:

Photo credit: ‘Ernest Borgnine McHale McHale’s Navy 1962’ by Milburn McCarty Public Relations. It was not uncommon for a network, program sponsor or studio to distribute publicity information through either an ad or publicity agency. (ebay itemphoto frontphoto back) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

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Some phishing advice…

If you want me to think that you are e-mailing me from the Federal Reserve Bank of America…

phish070812

…use a better e-mail address than “Sparkylok6.” Seriously, folks.

Also, I’m pretty sure there is no entity specifically titled the “Federal Reserve Bank of America.”

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Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself

20120707-175428.jpgWe know Obamacare is bad, according to many, because freedom is good. I think I’m representing the argument as accurately-yet-succinctly as possible. Many of Obamacare’s more strident opponents might object to my caps-lock-free use of the word “freedom,” preferring instead to use the sobriquet “FREEDOM.” I will use the lowercase version, but please understand that my refusal to express my stridency through capitalization does not necessarily reflect a lack of enthusiasm for my subject matter.

Now then, on to the point of today’s screed: libertarianism might be “back,” at least according to Pauline Arrillaga at the Associated Press, who writes that

Something’s going on in America this election year: a renaissance of an ideal as old as the nation itself – that live-and-let-live, get-out-of-my-business, individualism vs. paternalism dogma that is the hallmark of libertarianism.

It’s Saturday, so I’m not going to bother unpacking the various historical amd equitable inaccuracies in that statement. I’d be preaching to the choir, anyway. Where it gets interesting is where she starts talking to actual self-styled libertarians.

She interviewed Mark Skousen, an economist who founded FreedomFest, a conference starting this week in Las Vegas that talks about freedom, presumably with some liberty thrown in for good measure. I’m not saying that Skousen speaks for all libertarians, but he brings up some points that have long bothered me about the whole concept of libertarianism, or at least the way many people express it:

“It is a rebirth,” said Skousen, and a reaction to a feeling shared by many that America has moved too far afield from its founding principles. “This country was established for the very thing that we’re fighting right now: excessive government control of our lives. In today’s world everything is either prohibited or mandated. … You have to have medical insurance. You have to wear a seat belt. … They have to pat you down (at the airport).”

Skousen has a simple analogy for all of this: “If you restrict a teenager, they rebel. I think that’s what people are feeling.”

Perhaps he was speaking off the cuff, and had not had time to put together a better list of examples. Of course, he is also purporting to represent an ideology, so the examples of “excessive governmemt control” he cites are worth noting. Airport pat-downs are pretty obvious. I have yet to hear anyone who doesn’t actually work for the TSA defending the practice, but no one in Washington seems to have the guts to stand up to them. Complaining about that hardly sets this guy apart.

Seat belts: truly, our Founding Fathers fought, bled, and died, so that their descendants two centuries later could hurtle across paved roads in large steel carriages at speeds unknown anywhere else in the animal kingdom with no safety restraints. (This was covered in a song that unfortunately did not make the final selection cut for Schoolhouse Rock.) As an example of excessive government control, this makes Skousen look like a crybaby.

Medical insurance: this is the issue of the day, isn’t it? Never mind that most Americans want affordable health care and agree with the individual provisions of Obamacare. Never mind that we as a nation made a decision that health care should be a for-profit enterprise, meaning that drugs are developed and marketed for their ability to make money for shareholders more than for their ability to improve health. Never mind that ensuring people have basic access to health care is the right damn thing to do. The fact is that people both need and want health care, and they have to pay for it. The only people who would “suffer” under the mandate are the tiny percentage of people who can afford insurance but decide not to purchase it. Presumably because of FREEDOM. I am skeptical that someone who would refuse to buy health insurance under those circumstances, if faced with an illness or injury later on that required health care at a greater cost than they could not afford, would just go gently into that good night. Opposition to the mandate, once you get past all the “slippery slope” rhetoric and word salad about liberty, is really just about being a freeloader. And that brings me to my last observation.

Skousen overtly compares libertarians to angry teenagers who don’t like rules. That is the perfect analogy, actually. He sounds like a sullen teen who is angry that his dad won’t let him borrow the car even though his mom needs the car right then to take his little sister to soccer practice. He wants the car right now, and screw the rest of the family. He’s probably not quite a bad as Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, but he’s getting there.

In Skousen’s analogy, the teenager represents the libertarians, and the parents represent the government. There’s another word we can use to describe the parents, and it encompasses everything that libertarians like Skousen are not: grownups.

Photo credit: ‘Veruca Salt, from the film ‘Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory’ [Fair use], via Virginmedia.com.

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This “internet doomsday” thing apparently is not a hoax, but it’s also not a cause for panic. Who knew?

463px-Virus_rezon

This is what happens when you search for image files labeled “computer virus.”

When I first saw the posts about the “internet doomsday” virus and something that is supposed to happen on July 9, I assumed it was a hoax or a phishing scam. Considering that I first read about it in someone’s Tumblr feed did not necessarily inspire my confidence. That said, Snopes has apparently confirmed its authenticity, and multiple news sites have reported on it:

Thousands could lose access to the Internet on July 9 due to a virus, DNSChanger, that once infected approximately 4 million computers across the world.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation first gave details about the virus last November, when it announced the arrest of the malware’s authors. The virus, as its name indicates, affected computers’ abilities to correctly access the Internet’s DNS system — essentially, the Internet’s phone book. The virus would redirect Internet users to fake DNS servers, often sending them to fake sites or places that promoted fake products. Once the FBI shut down the operation, it built a safety net of new servers to redirect traffic from those infected with the virus.

But that safety net is going offline next Monday meaning that anyone who is still infected with the virus will lose access to the Internet unless they remove it from their machine.

You can make sure your computer is okay in 2-3 relatively easy steps (I can’t say with 100% certainty that all of this is legit, but I’ve checked around quite a bit. Still, proceed at your own risk):

1. Get your IP address for your computer. If you don’t know it, use a site like WhatIsMyIP.com.

2. Check to see if your computer has the virus (specifically, check to see if your IP address is linked to one of the rogue DNS servers associated with the virus). You can do this through the FBI or through the DNS Changer Working Group (DCWG). If the test comes up negative, congrats, you’re done, go back to looking a lolcats or whatever it is you do during the day.

3. If you’re positive, the DCWG has tools you can use to clear the virus from your computer. My computer is clean, so I don’t know how this part works.

Good luck!

Photo credit: ‘Virus rezon’ By DROUET (Own work) [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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