This Week in WTF, November 22, 2013

Megan Fox back– A young man may be facing life in prison for the murder of his father. Unfortunately, that is not very WTF in and of itself. It’s the supposed reason that makes the head spin—his dad insulted him with regard to actress Megan Fox:

Father and son relationships can be really deep and complicated. The one that existed between Jason Beckman and his father Jay doesn’t seem like it was an exception. At age 17, the teen — who reportedly has Asperger’s Syndrome — approached his dad to ask what he thought of actress Megan Fox. Who knows, maybe he wanted to have one of those fabled father-son moments where both can finally bond, like men, over the objective attractiveness of a well-known starlet. But dad’s response — that Jason wouldn’t know what to do with a woman like Megan — left the teen cold. And spurred in him a desire to plot and ultimately commit the horrific murder of his father.

Now 21, Jason was convicted of first-degree murder last night and faces life in prison.

I’m not saying another word about this one.

– A French family involuntarily spent a week in Chicago because the family patriarch was too fat to fit on the airplane. British Airways reportedly refused to allow the 500-lb. man to board the plane, although they seem to have attempted to help him figure out other options. They also offered a full refund to the family. NBC News mentions in its report that that the man was in the U.S. to receive treatment at the Mayo Clinic for a “hormone disorder,” and that gained weight while here. That would perhaps explain how he got to the U.S. on an airplane, I suppose, but there’s an annoying bit of an element of “It’s not his fault he’s so goshdarn fat” to the story, too.

– Hey, is that an apple you’re eating? Well, ur doin it wrong.

Photo credit: By pinguino k from North Hollywood, USA (Megan Fox) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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This Week in WTF, November 15, 2013

– They’ll save a bundle on the overhead for concessions: The producers of the Hunger Games film franchise are reportedly looking into theme park possibilities (h/t LGM). Thanks, but I’ve already seen The Running Man.

– I wonder if the Fleshlight people know about this: Speaking of simulations, doctors have a new opportunity to practice prostate exams, thanks to what I’m going to call a butt simulator (h/t Sarah):

The butt has a name, it’s Patrick. The doctors in training can talk to and gesture with Patrick. Patrick’s butt has embedded sensors to measure the pressure and Patrick can talk about his fears. Life is but a video game.

No word on whether doctors can unlock achievements by progressing further through Patrick’s anus.

Photo via Gizmodo (I may have modified it slightly...)

Photo via Gizmodo (I may have modified it slightly…)

– iPathos: A Roomba in Austria may have made history by being the first robot to commit suicide:

The little dirt-sucker, model 760, reportedly turned itself on, rolled onto a hot plate, and set itself ablaze in Kirchdorf, Austria. When firefighters arrived on the scene, all that was left of the little fellow was a pile of ash. Freaky.

– To be fair, they’re already made of plastic: Department-store mannequins in Venezuela are apparently getting less realistic:

[T]he new shop-window favourite in Venezuela is apparently a fibreglass model sporting a dramatically enlarged bust, an unnaturally sculpted rear, a tiny wasp waist and never-ending, super-skinny legs.

According to the New York Times, mannequin manufacturer Eliezer Álvarez has transformed his business by introducing a line of shop-window dummies based on the exaggerated body shape he thinks Venezuelan women would really like – and, increasingly, are giving themselves with implants and plastic surgery.

– This seems a little too ironic: Burglar dies while stuck inside chimney of law firm.

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This Week in WTF, November 1, 2013

Via dramafever.com

Via dramafever.com

– I guess they woke him up: Was I the only person who, upon seeing this picture of the new Taiwanese army uniform (left), immediately thought “Bring out the gimp”? (h/t Shannon)

– “Trick or treat” is supposed to be a rhetorical question: An unnamed woman in North Dakota announced plans to distribute fat- shaming instead of candy to certain neighborhood kids.

A Fargo, N.D., woman says she will give trick-or-treaters that she deems ‘moderately obese’ a letter instead of candy this Halloween.

“I just want to send a message to the parents of kids that are really overweight… I think it’s just really irresponsible of parents to send them out looking for free candy just ’cause all the other kids are doing it,” the woman said in a morning radio interview with Y-24. She wouldn’t identify herself.

I wonder how many kids approached her house in “egg delivery person” or “toilet paper quality control tester” costumes…

Nicole Knepper offered some good legal analysis at the blog Moms Who Drink and Swear:

The first amendment here in the good old morbidly obese USA guarantees us the right to free speech, to a degree. This letter falls into the category of protected but asinine free speech.

– Not as Cute as Bunnies, I Bet: The manager of a Portland, Oregon apartment building is complaining that pests are foraging greens from his property. Not rabbits or other traditional pests, mind you, but rather local sous chefs, as Eater reports (h/t Leila):

According to Connolly, despite posting several “No Trespassing” signs, he’s found evidence that chefs are on his property, including beard nets and a discarded recipe for “PDX pork belly.” (Seriously.) There’s also apparently a distinguished scent left behind by local cooks: “Sometimes smells like brisket.” (Seriously. This is all apparently very serious.)

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This Week in WTF, October 25, 2013

shurmpa on stock.xchng– An “irate grandpa” busted a guy who was taking upskirt pictures of women on an airplane preparing to depart from Nashville International Airport. Did I mention that the creeper was a U.S. Air Marshal? Because he was. Was.

– Also in Tennessee, a police officer lost his job for shooting at a squirrel in a Dollar General store. When bullets failed to stop the squirrel’s bargain reign of terror, the officer tried pepper spray. He finally bested the squirrel with one of humankind’s oldest evolutionary and technological advantages over most rodents—he stepped on it. (I say most rodents, because stepping on a capybara would just make it annoyed.)

– A museum in Iceland houses the only known pair of necropants in existence in the world. Beyond that, I’d rather not talk about it.

Photo credit: shurmpa on stock.xchng.

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This Week in WTF, October 18, 2013

CANDROVIKTOR from morguefile.com

Kitty is shocked! Shocked I say!

– You know, I never really intended this to be a series on weird sex stories, but it seems to work out that way quite a bit. “Florida threesome turns violent when one partner has ‘thrust issues,’ say police.”

This happened in England:

A near-toothless Dover man has been jailed for eight years for biting and gnawing a neighbour’s penis in a row over loud music.

Photo credit: CANDROVIKTOR from morguefile.com.

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This Week in WTF, October 11, 2013

earl53 from morguefile.com– Proving that there can be too much of a good thing, a man in Sweden was knocked unconscious when a cart loaded with bacon fell on him. In all, the man was hit with 500 to 600 kilos (that’s about 1,102 to  1,323 pounds, for those who don’t use the metric system or regularly handle drugs) of bacon. I will admit it: that is too much bacon.

– A man in San Antonio allegedly faked his own kidnapping so that he could go “party with  friends.” His wife contacted police the night of Tuesday, October 8 to report that two masked men came into their home and took her husband at gunpoint. After a helicopter joined about a dozen deputies in the search, he showed back up at his house. He has been charged with filing a false police report, which is a fun twist since it was his wife who actually made the report, albeit innocently.

Photo credit: earl53 from morguefile.com.

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This Week in WTF, October 4, 2013

Via karmajello.com

Via karmajello.com

– Here is a headline that needs no explanation for its WTFness to be evident: “Boat filled with weed crashes into nude beach.” The article begins:

A 20-foot boat filled with 80 pounds of weed capsized at a popular nude beach/surf spot in Santa Cruz, California. Nobody was hurt, because it was totally awesome. The only danger was everyone catching good vibes.

Reports do not indicate whether or not a Doritos truck jackknifed near the beach, spilling its contents, but that would have likely been very convenient.

– I am also inclined to let this headline speak for itself: “Punk Band Shoots Porn Film on Front Lawn of Westboro Baptist Church.” The band, Get Shot!, claims to be “”the first band ever to start a porn site.” Here’s the NSFW link to said site, if you are so inclined, although as of about 9:45 CDT today, the URL leads to a “503 Service Temporarily Unavailable” message. This may be due to Healthcare.gov-caliber levels of traffic, a takedown demand from the WBC, or some other sinister plot. (The video is mirrored on XVideos, if you simply must watch it. I warned you, though.) It also led to this amusing exchange:

Followed by this response:

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This Week in WTF, September 27, 2013

See page for author [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons– Let’s start off with a happy one. A cat that went missing during the Bastrop wildfires in 2011 showed up back at her house two years later, with her own adopted kitten in tow.

– While this happened at least two years ago, I came across the headline this week: “Olga Moskalyova Killed By Bear as Her Mother Listens in Agony on Phone.” Do I actually need to say anything else?

– A man in England interrupted the preparations for a wedding by showing up at the church sans testicles, having just removed them himself. The article notes that the man was rushed to the hospital, the bride arrived at the church thirty minutes later and none the wiser, and the show went on as planned. This leads me to wonder exactly when the bride learned of the unconventional wedding crashed.

– Another headline that pretty much stands on its own: “Auto-Brewery Syndrome: Apparently, You Can Make Beer In Your Gut.”

– The parent company of Penthouse magazine, FriendFinder Networks, Inc., filed for bankruptcy last week. The company also owns various “dating” sites like the eponymous FriendFinder.com and its offshoots. It’s tough times in the adult entertainment biz, indeed.

Photo credit: See page for author [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

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This Week in WTF, September 13, 2013

Sorry this one was a little late. I’ll be brief.

This is apparently a picture of the wedding dress in question from the manufacturer.

– A blushing bride was getting ready for her wedding when, one hour before go time, the pastor informed her that he would not perform the ceremony. His reason? Her dress was too sexy. “According to the bride’s mother, the pastor jokingly asked ‘where is the other half of the dress?'”

– Iowa is issuing gun permits to people who are “legally or completely blind.” I came up with several puns to express my feelings about this when I first saw the story, but after a few days passed, they don’t seem funny anymore, so I’ll just leave this as is.

– Americans who adopted kids from overseas, but then came to regret that decision, have developed a secondary market for said children that operates entirely outside of the legal adoption system. You might be tempted to think that this is a terrible idea. At least based on Reuters’ reporting, it’s actually worse than that.

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