Porn and Prejudice: Rule 34 Goes Zero-G

We have achieved yet another zenith in human scientific and technological achievement with Kate Upton’s zero-g photoshoot for Sports Illustrated.

With GIFs.

Kate Upton in Zero G

Cue the Rule 34 predictions. Of course, it’s now only a matter of time before the adult entertainment industry decides to…..

……..Oh wait……….They already did that more than a decade ago. (I Google these things so you don’t have to.)

Just stop reading now if you’re averse to NSFW concepts – although all links are SFW unless otherwise noted. The zero-g, uh, barrier was broken in a movie entitled…..wait for it……The Uranus Experiment.

Here’s a SFW trailer that sort of makes it look like two space shuttles are doing it. (NSFW trailers exist, and the whole movie is probably online somewhere, but I trust your resourcefulness if you want to find it.)

The plot actually sounds pretty involved:

The movie opens with the Russians and Americans preparing to simultaneously launch space shuttles on a joint mission to Uranus. It then goes back a year to a KGB commander informing agent Helena Vashinski (Wanda Curtis) that they have chosen Dr. Olga Wiborova (Christina Dark) to accompany her on the space flight. He tells Helena that Dr. Wiborova is perfect to determine the effects of space on sperm production because she has no sexual feelings herself. We then see the KGB commander and another scientist (Attila Schuszter) watching Dr. Wiborova from behind a two-way mirror as she dispassionately observes a couple (Eva Roberts and James Brossman) having sex. Six months later, the KGB commander explains to Helena and Dr. Wiborova how his agents obtained a ‘sample’ from the American commander, Frank Stone (Nick Lang). We see two female KGB agents (Estell and Vanda) break into Stone’s house and chloroform his wife (Gabriella), then collect their ‘sample’ while he believes it’s his wife pleasuring him.

It goes on from there. I must say that that’s some extremely ethically problematic science. It also never explains why they’re doing this particular research, although in the context of an interplanetary expedition, it makes sense. I’m reading too much into this, aren’t I?

Anyway, they shot at least one sex scene, maybe more, partly in a zero-g environment, although they did not use NASA’s KC-135 “vomit comet” airplane to do so. This was around 1999, and even then, James Bond did it twenty years earlier (although neither the zero-g nor the sex were real.) Over a decade before that, there was Barbarella (not entirely SFW).

So congratulations to Sports Illustrated and Miss Upton, but this was no longer the final frontier.

Total side note: While Googling to find stuff for this post, I found an interesting Reddit thread and a GIF showing that the mere act of drinking water in space can look naughty.

Additional side note: Futurama‘s Scruffy predicted all of this 15 years ago.

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