You might think this image is in poor taste (and you’d be right), but you should see what you get when you do a Google Images search, restricted to images labeled for commercial reuse, for the term “blow job.”
Lawyers can get pretty creative when it comes to fee arrangements, but in the vast, vast majority of situations, they want to be paid with money.
I can’t say I blame any of my fellow lawyers. Money buys things like food, utilities, and Aspen vacation homes.
While it’s not entirely legal—okay, not remotely legal—money can also buy blowjobs. Of course, being caught paying for sexual activity in that way can result in the loss of your law license. As it turns out, skipping the middleman and exchanging legal services directly for blowjobs can get you suspended from the practice of law. That’s my takeaway from the one sentence of the article at The Legal Intelligencer that I can access without paying for a membership:
The state Supreme Court has issued a one-year suspension to a Bucks County attorney who agreed to represent a female client in a DUI case in exchange for oral sex.
According to the Pennsylvania Office of Disciplinary Counsel’s petition (thanks, Google!), to which the attorney consented, the deal went down as follows:
7. At the First Meeting:
a) Ms. Doe advised Respondent of her previous ARD and her recent arrest for our and inquired as to his fee for representation;
b) Respondent quoted Ms. Doe the fee of $1,000 to cover the work associated with an anticipated guilty plea agreement;
c) Ms. Doe advised Respondent that she did not have a lot of money;
d) After further discussion, the parties agreed that Ms. Doe would perform oral sex on Respondent;
e) Respondent left his desk and locked his office door; and
f) After Respondent locked the office door, Ms. Doe performed oral sex on Respondent.8. A few weeks after the first meeting, Respondent entered his appearance on behalf of Ms. Doe for her our matter.
9. On at least two additional occasions after the first meeting, and prior to the conclusion of Ms. Doe’s criminal matter, Ms. Doe performed oral sex on Respondent in his Levittown office, after he had locked the door.
10. Respondent represented Ms. Doe until the conclusion of the criminal matter.
11. Although Respondent had never previously represented Ms. Doe, he did not provide her a writing that communicated the basis or rate of his fee.
12. Respondent never billed Ms. Doe for legal services nor collected any monetary payment from Ms. Doe for his legal representation.
Paragraph 7(d) really glosses over a lot of detail, doesn’t it? It’s none of my damn business, but I must admit that I am very curious to know how that conversation went down. Did she offer something in lieu of monetary payment, à la a standard porn movie plot? Or did he suggest that she might be able to cover the cost of representing her in…….other ways, à la a different sort of standard porn plot? The world will just have to go on wondering. That’s probably for the best.
It’s also probably for the best that he didn’t reduce their legal-services agreement to writing. It’s also good that he completed the representation. Normally, I’d try to come up with as many puns as possible, but I guess I’m just not feeling it.
This also happened in Ohio. Maybe there’s a joke there.
This is what happens when you do a Google Image search for “blow job,” restricted to images labeled for commercial reuse.
Photo credits: Via demotivationalposters.org (dead link, found through Google search); “Don’t Do This In The Toilet Please” by upicks [CC BY 2.0], on Flickr.
