His newly-developed policy on accepting paid posts to his blog is one for the ages:
1. We will accept a paid post from you.
2. The payment shall be in the form of a pony.
3. The prettiness and awesomeness of the pony shall be in direct proportion to the tediousness, banality, and sub-literacy of your guest post. If your post is quite good, you can pay us with any pony, even the sort of tired, dead-eyed pony you can steal from a child’s party in a suburb where the home foreclosure rate exceeds 50%. But for each cliche, null-content sentence, questionable segue, or instance of meaningless drivel appearing in the post, the pony must grow steadily more pretty, to the theoretical point where the pony is so pretty that it causes a quantum pony-cuteness singularity. For each spelling or grammatical error in your post, the pony must be one step more awesome, in the sense of “terrifying.” If you ever use an apostrophe before an “s” in a word that is plural, not possessive, the pony must possess the ability to breathe fire a minimum distance of twenty (20) feet.
4. The pony must be real, not pretend.
5. No Shetlands. Are you kidding me?
6. Also, hay. For the pony. And, frankly, it wouldn’t hurt us to lay some down for Clark.
I salute you, good sir. I wish I had but a fraction of your power.