– Do I, uh, lick the frosting first?: Even if it’s a hoax, the story of the mom who made vagina cookies for her kid’s second-grade class, then got mad when the teacher wouldn’t let the kids have them, is comedy gold.

– “We seem to be experiencing turbulence due to—DEAR SWEET BABY JESUS!!!”: If you thought singing Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston incessantly was a f****d up reason for an emergency plane landing, I present to you the flight that had to land in Omaha, en route from Boston to L.A., because of a “frenzied, masturbating passenger.” Mind you, it wasn’t just that he was masturbating openly. He also allegedly tried to open one of the exit doors mid-flight. Which would you choose as the lede?

– With great power comes great…….damage claims: A woman’s $250 million lawsuit against Disney claims that the company stole her life story to make the movie Frozen.

Now, I haven’t seen Frozen, but doesn’t it have something to do, at least in part, with a girl who has the magical power to create ice and snow? Could the plaintiff in this lawsuit single-handedly save the planet from global warming? If so, should she really be wasting her time on this lawsuit? It seems to me like she’s sitting on a different gold mine.

– Extraneous detail: From the headline “Polygamist women in ninja costumes attacked two adults in West Jordan, police say,” found on the website of Utah CBS affiliate KUTV, the fact that the women are “polygamist” is easily the least interesting detail, to the point that it seems entirely extraneous.