Ted Nugent is a dick. Let me be clear about the metaphor here. If you stroke Ted Nugent the right way, he’ll spout off all over the place, and the world will be messier for it. Make him feel threatened (or possibly cold), he will shrivel up and hide.

I would say Ted Nugent is a pussy, but that is not accurate for several reasons. First of all, it’s a gendered insult I’m trying to avoid. Second, as we have learned from a joke attributed to Betty White, pussies can take quite a pounding, far more so than Ted Nugent.

The Nuge was back in the news for his more-than-implicit threats to the President, sparking a Secret Service investigation. He is now saying that he has never threatened anybody’s life before. Not only is that not true, but he’s being a real dick about it.

I blogged a bit about Ted back in 2007, when he thought it would be a lark to brag about what he would have done in Vietnam, contrasting that to what he actually did during the war.

The Rutland Herald had the story back in 2006:

The 57-year-old rocker also “told it like it is” during the Vietnam War. Here’s Ted on what he would have done if he went to Vietnam:

“… if I would have gone over there, I’d have been killed, or I’d have killed, or I’d kill all the hippies in the foxholes … I would have killed everybody,” he told the Detroit Free Press in an interview published July 15, 1990.

Fortunately, for our hero, Ted didn’t go to Vietnam.

And how Ted managed to avoid the draft makes President Bush look like a war hero.

In that 1990 interview with the Free Press and from information collected from the Chickenhawk Web site, Nugent told about how he avoided the draft: “He claims that 30 days before his Draft Board Physical, he stopped all forms of personal hygiene. The last 10 days he ingested nothing but junk food and Pepsi, and a week before his physical, he stopped using the bathroom altogether, virtually living inside his pants caked with excrement and urine. That spectacle won Nugent a deferment.”

It says volumes about the character of a man who calls himself the Motor City Madman. The Detroit native went out of his way to avoid the defining experience of his generation, then has the gall to talk about how eagerly he would have killed, “if” he had served.

Remember this the next time the Nuge tries to act tough. He had the opportunity to serve his country and do all those things he spouts off about doing, but when he had the opportunity to do so, he literally shit himself. What a dick.

Photo credit: ‘Ted Nugent in concert’ by Lenny Francioni [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.