Dear Michigan and Florida Republicans: Vagina. Uterus. Vagina. Uterus. Vagina. Uterus. Vagina. Uterus. Vagina. Uterus. Repeat…..

Posted on June 17, 2012 by wellsdc

Who remembers something that happened in the world of American politics fifteen months ago? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Most voters can’t remember what politicians said or did back when they started reading this sentence. This forgetfulness accounts for about one hundred and twelve percent of Republicans’ electoral successes since at least 1996. It’s almost enough to–SQUIRREL!!!

Where was I?

Oh yeah…

VAGINA

Republicans in Michigan don’t like the word VAGINA. They dislike it so much that they barred the woman who uttered it, a Democratic state representative, from speaking on the House floor for as long as they feel like it. Presumably until she’s learned her lesson.

House Republicans prohibited state Rep. Lisa Brown from speaking on the floor Thursday after she ended a speech Wednesday against a bill restricting abortions by referencing her female anatomy.

Brown, a West Bloomfield Democrat and mother of three, said a package of abortion regulation bills would violate her Jewish religious beliefs and that abortions be be allowed in cases where it is required to save the life of the mother.

“Finally, Mr. Speaker, I’m flattered that you’re all so interested in my vagina, but ‘no’ means ‘no,'” Brown said Wednesday.

Brown’s comment prompted a rebuke Thursday by House Republicans, who wouldn’t allow her to voice her opinion on a school employee retirement bill.

“What she said was offensive,” said Rep. Mike Callton, R-Nashville. “It was so offensive, I don’t even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company.”

Ahem, VAGINA.

The pearl-clutching got better:

House Republicans also wouldn’t let state Rep. Barb Byrum speak on the House floor today.

Byrum, D-Onondaga, caused a disturbance on the House floor Wednesday when she wasn’t allowed to introduce an amendment to the abortion regulations bill banning men from getting a vasectomy unless the sterilization procedure was necessary to save a man’s life.

“If we truly want to make sure children are born, we would regulate vasectomies,” Byrum told reporters Thursday.

Now, to be fair, a Republican spokesperson later said the impetus for banning Rep. Brown was that she made a rape reference (“no means no”) that Republicans though breached the decorum of the House. They really should have checked with Rep. Callton before dragging that one out.

The internet, being the predictably unpredictably beast that it is, responded to Michigan Republicans’ unease over accurate medical terminology and whatnot with a barrage of VAGINA-related comments and post, to the point that the Michigan Republican Party’s Facebook page administrator had to ask for calm.

Does any of this sound familiar?

It should. Continue reading →

Everybody pick on Eduardo Saverin!

Posted on June 8, 2012 by wellsdc

As we all know, sort-of Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin, who now owns a bit over $3 billion in Facebook stock, renounced his U.S. citizenship from his new digs in Singapore. Whether he did this to avoid paying U.S. taxes on his windfall is a matter of dispute. I suppose it is possible that the timing was coincidental.

Not everyone is buying it, though. Two senators have introduced a bill, cleverly (if awkwardly) titled the Ex-PATRIOT Act, that would build on existing immigration law that makes people who renounce their citizenship to avoid taxes inadmissible to re-enter the country. The bill would create a presumption of intent to avoid taxes if a person with a net worth above a certain amount renounces citizenship.

There may or may not be constitutional problems with that, and while I’m not thrilled with the bill itself, I’m far less thrilled with Saverin’s defenders. Americans generally enjoy the freedom to travel where they will (thank you, U.S. Supreme Court). The thing is, if you renounce your citizenship, you are no longer an American, by your own choice.

That’s what makes Bill Bonner’s piece at the Christian Science Monitor, in which he extols the basic human right to travel, so unintentionally hilarious. He thinks that we should leave Mr. Saverin alone, and he cites various important historical statements of rights to support the thesis that Mr. Saverin should be able to go where he likes. Regardless of the provisions of the Ex-PATRIOT Act, this is absurd.

He quotes the Magna Carta of 1215:

It shall be lawful to any person, for the future, to go out of our kingdom, and to return, safely and securely, by land or by water, saving his allegiance to us, unless it be in time of war, for some short space, for the common good of the kingdom: excepting prisoners and outlaws, according to the laws of the land…

Emphasis added, for reasons that I will make clear soon if you can’t figure it out for yourself. Continue reading →

Stan Lee Wept

Posted on June 4, 2012 by wellsdc

So, apparently this really exists:

ACC Studios has published the most politically divisive comic book ever written, Liberality For All #1 (in a series of eight issues) releases nationwide November 2, 2005 . It is an all-new take on the Orwellian future, this time with a captive society oppressed by doves, not hawks. It is the first comic book directly marketed to the “vast right-wing” audience.

While this action-packed, patriotic knee-in-the-groin to the embodiment of the ultra-left is a blatant satire of liberalism, it still asks significant questions about the end result of liberal political policies.

‘It is 2021, tomorrow is the 20th anniversary of 9/11. America is under oppression by ultra-liberal extremists who have surrendered governing authority to the United Nations. Hate speech legislation called the “Coulter Laws” have forced vocal conservatives underground. A group of bio-mechanically enhanced conservatives led by Sean Hannity, G. Gordon Liddy, Oliver North, and a young man born on September 11, 2001, set out to thwart Ambassador Usama bin Laden’s plans to nuke New York City.’

When first announced in late July, Liberality For All immediately touched off a controversy that is still raging. The resulting enthusiasm from conservatives, and simultaneous denunciation as neo-con indoctrination propaganda by those on the Left, continues to feed a firestorm on this provocative, full-color, eight-issue, comic book mini-series.

This press release is from November 1, 2005, but I had never heard of this epic controversy until just now. I had also forgotten just how stupid things got around the middle of the last decade. Lest anyone think we have presently entered an unprecedented era of self-styled conservatives completely losing their shit, I present Liberality for All. Things have been stupid for quite a while. (Incidentally, the ACC Studios webpage appears to have received its most recent update in June 2006. Perhaps its editors rage-quit after the Democratic victory in the 2006 mid-term elections.)

The “alternate cover” is pictured here. The fantasy-fulfillment element is quite remarkable. This appears to depict a one-eyed Sean Hannity, for some reason holding an Apple laptop and dressed sort of like an X-Man. The real kicker though, is G. Gordon Liddy, who would be 90 to 91 years old in 2021, riding a hog. The other cover also depicts a by-then 78 year-old Oliver North, but at least it shows him with a cane. Maybe he didn’t receive any “bio-mechanical enhancements.” It is impossible to look at this and not make a joke about how these three probably can’t look at these comic book covers without getting erections. Continue reading →

Belated Memorial Day Tirade

Posted on June 1, 2012 by wellsdc

Memorial Day was observed on Monday, May 28. I was in Mexico at the time, paying for things in pesos and generally contributing nothing to the U.S. economy. Specifically, I was in Cancún, in a part of Mexico never once invaded, occupied, or wrested away from Mexico by the U.S. I’ve spent two 4th of July holidays abroad (Belarus and Spain, long story), but this was my first Memorial Day outside my home country.

I don’t usually make a big thing out of Memorial Day. I try to take a moment to appreciate the sacrifice others have made, sometimes in noble causes and sometimes not so much, that I don’t have the cojones to make. Typically, though, I find the holiday to be yet another opportunity for unabashed and shameless jingoism.

As we dive head first into what is likely to be an absurdly acrimonious election season, I expect to hear a great deal of rah-rah patriotism out of the Republican party, combined with accusations of Democrats hating the troops, blah blah blah. It’s worth a reminder of what Republicans really think of the troops.

Delegates to the Republican National Convention found a new way to take a jab at Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry’s Vietnam service record: by sporting adhesive bandages with small purple hearts on them.

Morton Blackwell, a prominent Virginia delegate, has been handing out the heart-covered bandages to delegates, who’ve worn them on their chins, cheeks, the backs of their hands and other places.

I am referring, of course, to the 2004 Republican National Convention. Continue reading →

Confronting empathy head-on

Posted on May 14, 2012 by wellsdc

A fascinating thing happened the other day. A Republican insider (at least, I think that’s a fair way to describe him), Jan Van Lohuizen, penned a memo urging the party to get with the times, so to speak, on the issue of same-sex marriage. On the heels of North Carolina’s farce and various other national embarrassments, it is a remarkable document.

He starts out citing statistics about increasing support for same-sex marriage (or at least civil unions) across the political spectrum. This may be a good political argument for changing positions on the issue, but that’s as far as I would be willing to go. The question of how many Americans favor extending these rights to same-sex couples implies that these rights are somehow ours to give, which they are not.

The policy statements he recommends, however, are very interesting. In essence, he makes arguments in favor of same-sex marriage based on what might be termed traditional conservative principles of “equality under the law.” He goes on to eviscerate the tired argument about “special rights:”

This is not about giving anyone extra protections or privileges, this is about making sure that everyone – regardless of sexual orientation – is provided the same protections against discrimination that you and I enjoy.

He goes on to point out the real reason why changing public opinions are important:

As more people have become aware of friends and family members who are gay, attitudes have begun to shift at an accelerated pace. This is not about a generational shift in attitudes, this is about people changing their thinking as they recognize their friends and family members who are gay or lesbian.

The problem with many of the positions taken by today’s Republicans is that they rarely survive a head-on collision with empathy.

He concludes with a shoutout to “the freedom to decide how you live and to enter into relationships of your choosing” and “the freedom to live without excessive interference of the regulatory force of government.”

The problem, of course, is that Republicans probably have some biological imperative to oppose same-sex marriage now that Obama has voiced support for it. Their all-but-chosen presidential candidate isn’t exactly winning empathy points, either.

The bullying is not the issue so much as the not remembering

Posted on May 11, 2012 by wellsdc

It seems well-established now that presumptive Republican presidential nominee Willard Mitt Romney engaged in acts of bullying against at least one gay classmate when he was in prep school in the 1960’s. For my part, I am a firm believer that the mistakes of youth should not, in and of themselves, define a person’s opportunities as an adult. In other words, I believe people who do stupid, mean, petty, vindictive things in their youth, or even just earlier in adulthood, deserve the opportunity to change and to demonstrate that change to others. When I hear about something someone did in the past, I am at least as interested in what they have to say about it now as I am in what they did. What they did helped create the person they are today, but it is not the only factor.

One of the many tensions in evaluating presidential candidates is that we don’t want to disqualify them based on the stupidity of their youth. George W. Bush’s blanket denial that “when I was young and irresponsible I was young and irresponsible” seems like a good rule. On the other hand, we want to know who these candidates are who seek to lead us (especially when they spend so much time offering us synthetic versions of themselves). We are looking for some piece of evidence, some sign of what makes them who they are. Many of us prize “character above all” in a president and a lot of those hints about presidential character are located in the stories of youth. If you want to be president, your résumé, accomplishments, and experience are not enough. Your origins matter.

Continue reading →

If you can’t be bothered to vote, I can’t be bothered to care about your opinions

Posted on May 10, 2012 by wellsdc

City elections are Saturday. Here’s a story about why you should give a shit.

Seven years ago, a tiny percentage of Austin’s voting population voted to ban smoking in bars located within the city limits. Leading up to the election, bar owners split over the proposed ban, and some warned of dire consequences if it did pass. By the end of May 7, 2005, around 5% of the city’s registered voters had weighed in on the question, approving the ban 52% to 48%.

As I recall, there was wailing, gnashing of teeth, and cries that this would destroy the downtown scene once and for all, as people deprived of their right to smoke would simply go elsewhere. I spent an afternoon at Crown and Anchor Pub about a week after the election listening to someone make these dire predictions, only to learn that he hadn’t voted. I had two responses to the people warning of the sky falling, one of which holds true today.

First, this is Austin, Texas, the “Live Music Capital of the World.” Where else are people going to go? San Marcos, where the bars closed at midnight? Round Rock, where the, uh…..well, nothing interesting ever happens in Round Rock. Are smokers going to skip the bars and clubs and just listen to a Bob Schneider CD while chain-smoking in the living room? I seriously doubted it at the time, and the fact that downtown Austin has sprouted multiple high-rises since 2005 seems to support my position that downtown Austin would be just fine.

Second, roughly five percent of the voting population actually voted in that election. I don’t know what percentage of the voting population subsequently whined about the outcome, but I know it was large. If you opposed the ban, yet didn’t vote, shut up. Just shut your pitiful fucking mouth. The ordinance passed by 2,420 votes, according to one crazy libertarian blogger. That’s more than the capacity of Antone’s, sure, but that certainly represents but a fraction of Austin’s smoking population circa 2005.

For my part, I’m glad the ordinance passed. I think people ought to be able to do what they want as long as it doesn’t hurt other people. Smoking bans tread close to the edge of what “hurts” people, in terms of secondhand smoke, but note that the ban didn’t exactly lift the floodgates of nanny-stateism all over the city. Continue reading →

The effective application of sarcasm

Posted on May 8, 2012 by wellsdc

Funny or Die keeps on making incisively savage political satire, and this is yet another great one:

Republicans, Get In My Vagina! from Kate Beckinsale

Even if it is profoundly uncomfortable. (h/t Bon Tindle at ZvtS)

In a truly just universe, Judy Greer would be a huge star by now.

Thanks to Steve Doocy, Every Time We Lie, We Can Just Say We “Paraphrased”

Posted on April 24, 2012 by wellsdc

“Being born rich is Mitt Romney’s greatest accomplishment.”

We can thank Stephen Colbert for that one. Colbert had a brilliant bit on Fox News’ Steve Doocy doing something inconceivable for a cable news host, particularly one on Fox News: Doocy made some shit up.

The Colbert Report

Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Steve Doocy’s Subtext Reporting

www.colbertnation.com

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Political Humor & Satire Blog

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(As an aside to the people who seem to genuinely believe that Colbert is really a conservative punking the rest of us: the National Institute of Standards and Technology recently recalibrated the average American penis length to 2.5 inches. Congratulations on your newfound virility.)

Back to Doocy: yup, he asked Mitt Romney about a slur against Mittens’ wealth, uttered by Obama, that Obama never actually uttered.

I guess it’s okay to do that because the oppression of the obscenely wealthy is a national scourge that must be rooted out, right?

Sarcasm aside, the Dooce realized the error of his ways and issued a heartfelt, honest apology. Except for the fact that he did not do that. Here’s what he said:

Last week President Obama talked about not being born with a silver spoon in his mouth. That was interpreted as a big dig at Mitt Romney. When I was interviewing Governor Romney on this show I asked him about it. However, I did some paraphrasing that seemed to misquote the president. So to be clear, the president’s exact quote was, ‘I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.’ And I hope that clears up any confusion.

Here’s what The Raw Story had to say about the clarity of the confusion:

Actually, Dooce, that does not clear up all the confusion. You clearly reached for a piece of paper on-air in your interview with Romney in order to read this fabricated quote. Who wrote the material you were reading? What was the source for that version of the quote? Were you reading from internally produced material or from a third-party source? From how high up in the Fox News universe did this fabrication originate?