It turns out that the IRS bureaucrat mostly directly responsible for the IRS scandal is actually a self-described conservative Republican. This blows Darrell Issa’s purported scandal out of the water, as it would seem to demonstrate that this was not some campaign of persecution against conservative organizations orchestrated from on high by the White House, right?

Of course not!

As any good conservative in the year 2013 knows, Barack Obama is guilty of many, many crimes. We just have to figure out what they are.

If the individual who drove the IRS activities in Cincinnati is actually a conservative Republican, that just shows how powerful Obama’s White House really is—they can get Republicans to do their bidding for them!!!

Obviously, the White House is using some sort of mind control device on IRS bureaucrats. Possibly in connection with HAARP.

(Of course, despite Obama’s near God-like powers to control our very thoughts, he is also profoundly incompetent. If you don’t understand why these two viewpoints are entirely logically consistent with one another, you hate America.)

Photo credit: “Mind Control” by ~ang-kaik [CC BY-SA 3.0] on deviantart.com.