![Ginny [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/)], via Flickr](http://crypticphilosopher.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/2507505208_266c6950c6_z.jpg "Ginny [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/)], via Flickr")
Dads just aren’t safe anywhere anymore.
You just cannot make this stuff up (h/t Mental Floss).
– Culturally appropriative irony, explained? PolicyMic has a piece on why hipsters seem to think it’s cool to wear Native American headdresses. The short answer is that there is no good reason, but plenty of reason to stop doing it: Continue reading
![License to Boot [CC BY 2.0], via Flickr](http://crypticphilosopher.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/8603847244_429bc2a35f_z.jpg "License to Boot [CC BY 2.0], via Flickr")
Seriously, no one ever even mentions music at Coachella. It’s all about fashion, trends that everyone will look back on in embarrassment, and unforgivable neologisms like “Coachella diet” and “smuicing.” (I promise I will never use that word again, ever.)
Even the fashion aspects, to judge from the pictures, make it look like Coachella consists entirely of skinny hipster chicks without sweat glands standing in the middle of remarkably empty and green fields. Oh yeah, and white people in headdresses, because fuck history.
It wouldn’t surprise me at this point to learn that the whole thing is just staged by New York fashion designers. I mean, I don’t think I know anyone who’s been to Coachella, so how do I know it actually exists???
I’m not even sure why I wrote this post. Now get off my lawn. Continue reading
“If you see the finger-mustache guy on the road, kill him!” -Zen Master Linji [citation needed]
When I first discovered Tumblr, it appeared to be largely devoted to pictures of empty Starbucks cups framing a slightly out-of-focus Williamsburg, Brooklyn in the background. When I joined Pinterest, the boards automatically assigned to me, which the system seemed to think I would like, consisted mainly of pictures of tiaras. I am not kidding. Instagram was closed off to me for most of its still-short life, on account of my not having an iPhone. I remedied that last summer, but I wouldn’t say I entirely understand what Instagram is all about. Thankfully, the comical folks at College Humor have let me know that I am not alone:
Here’s the thing, though. Several wise friends have pointed out that hating on hipsters and hipster-y things has reached a point of becoming pretty hipster-y in and of itself. I’m not going to stop ripping on the most annoying of the hipster tropes, but I am going to try to be a bit more thoughtful about it.
Instagram and its ilk brings to mind Sturgeon’s Law: “Ninety percent of everything is crap.”
This applies to any and all forms and genres of media, be it visual arts, television, or cleverly-filtered smart phone pictures of half-eaten gnocchi from a deli on the Lower East Side. (Do they have delis on the Lower East Side? I haven’t been to Manhattan in eleven years, and even then I was not required to navigate.) (Also, do they serve gnocchi in delis?) (What exactly is gnocchi?)
Somewhere amid all the detritus (and by detritus, I mean “pictures of finger mustaches”) are a few bits of awesome. Yes, there is more detritus out there, in part because there are more people in the world, but mostly because more of the people have access to the internet, and the means to take and post pictures. Some people genuinely believe their pictures are meaningful, while others believe posting bad pictures is a good idea. I’m sure we have all fit in both categories at times. If you can get past the coffee foam and blurry sunsets, every so often something good will pop up.
And while you’re waiting to find it, you can join me in derisive laughter at finger mustache guy.
Photo credit: ‘Fingerstache’ by Vorhese [GFDL or CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikipedia.
Punkartkaietsi has created tutorials on how to make two kinds of bracelets (1, 2) out of expired pills that are still encased in their original blister packs. She used her expired ferrum pills for both craft projects. (via Laughing Squid)
This is it, hipsters of America. This is the moment that you Went Too Far. Please stop now. Your glasses look stupid, and the mustaches are even worse. Your poetry and your photography were never very good, and many, many engineers worked very hard to develop multi-geared bicycles to facilitate travel within urban areas. It’s over. Go take a shower.
(Cross-posted on Tumblr.)
!['Tom Petty 2010' by musicisentropy (http://www.flickr.com/photos/bandfan/4701587083/) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons](http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3ATom_Petty_2010.jpg "'Tom Petty 2010' by musicisentropy (http://www.flickr.com/photos/bandfan/4701587083/) [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons")
I rarely pass up an opportunity to make fun of hipsters. The problem is, I think I might actually be one.
Last Saturday, I fulfilled a childhood dream by seeing Tom Petty live in concert. He played at the Frank Erwin Center, the only large venue available in the city of Austin (unless you count the football stadium, which you shouldn’t.) Tom Petty has had a long, successful career, amassing a wide array of classic, beloved songs. His appeal is broad and his music is oddly timeless. As a result, he serves as an effective hipster repellant.
Part of my issue with hipsters en masse is that they defy description–in fact, defying categorization is a defining characteristic of the hipster. A hipster is largely defined by what he or she isn’t. Rather than contribute new ideas, fashions, or innovations, they tend to recycle old ones (often ones better left discarded.) Outdated fashions become the latest “ironic” trend, which drives me mad because of its abuse of the very concept of “irony.” Continue reading
For the first time in my 12 years, 6 months, and 15 days as an Austin resident (I wasn’t counting, I just remember the date I moved in), I have purchased a badge. It’s only for the Interactive festival, but dammit, I’m going to be one of those cool kidz strutting around downtown with that icon of cool, the SXSW badge.
Let me say up front, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve sashayed around the fringes of the ever-growing conference for over a decade, only now jumping partway in. My effort last year to watch the free Strokes show at Auditorium Shores without actually entering the park is a good representation of my level of commitment up to this point. I have mostly come to view SXSW as an invasion. A bunch of LA/NY types who espouse styles that have not yet reached Austin (and will never matter to me) descend on my city for two weeks and turn it into a sea of tight jeans, ironic sunglasses, and (largely) unearned self-importance.
This year, y’all are going to have to deal with me. And I will be saying “y’all” a lot, because it’s provincial, bitches.
I think the interactive festival is a bit different. There will still be a big hipster contingent, but we’re also all nerds (or geeks). There is a meetup session for Game of Thrones fans, for crying out loud!
I spent several hours yesterday creating a schedule on the SXSW website. Just doing that made me tired. I’m boarding my dog for a whole week (in luxury, fear not) and buying a bus pass so I can avoid parking and worrying about making it home at a certain time for feeding and peeing (the dog, not me). This will be an interesting week. When it is all said and done, there will still be five days of music. And I only slept four hours last night. I am in way over my head.
The bloggings of people I know and/or read and/or grudgingly respect have been invaluable. Here are two good primers:
With no further ado, here is my unsolicited advice to those of you who will be gracing my fair city with your presence for the next few weeks. These are in no particular order.
1. Austin is not like the rest of Texas. All the stuff you read about in the news that’s so embarrassing for all Americans, nay, humans? Aside from shenanigans at the State Capitol, that all happens elsewhere in the state. The Capitol building is actually protected by a force field that keeps the crazy contained to a roughly three-block radius while the Legislature is in session.
2. Austin is not just like the West/East Coast. So stop trying to make it that way, please.
3. We get it. You’re cool. I’d really like to see you wear that wool hat, sweater, and skintight jeans ensemble here in August, though. One great thing about this town is that we don’t take ourselves too seriously. We’re going to extend that same courtesy to you.
4. Pedestrians may have the legal right of way, but cars are still bigger than you. When you enter a crosswalk in downtown Austin at 5:00 in the afternoon, please try to remember that thousands of people work there, have no connection to SXSW, and are just trying to get home to their families in peace and without developing the nickname “Hipster Slayer.” If they have the green light, don’t try to cross in front of them.
5. If you’ve never used “Texas” phrases before in your life, do not start now. It hurts our ears. This includes “y’all,” “fixin’ to,” “might could,” and “that dog won’t hunt.”
5. Welcome to Austin. This town is fucking awesome, so enjoy it.
6. Chill the fuck out. The six hours you’re spending waiting in line for the Perez Hilton party? You could have spent that time doing things you couldn’t also do in Los Angeles. The organizers of SXSW work very, very hard to put on a kick-ass conference. The people of Austin work year-round to create a kick-ass city.
Photo credit: All photos by author.
