– You’re doing it wrong: Apparently some Mormons think that masturbation (or online pornography) is equivalent to what appears to be the Bastogne campaign from the Battle of the Bulge during World War II (h/t Jason).

Now I have to laugh because I said “bulge.”

– Is that a piranha in your pocket, or are—DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!! Did you know that piranhas are illegal in at least 25 U.S. states? (Including Texas, under Administrative Code Rule 57.111(15)(F) – whew!) You might wonder why that’s even necessary, because who would want to bring such a notorious killing machine into—oh, I see:

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