The Gold Medal for Not Drilling Oneself Into the Center of the Earth with Figure Skates Goes to…

…whomever this is:

(h/t TIPME)

Seriously, though, I get incapacitatingly dizzy spinning in a circle for more than five seconds, so respect.

Share

A Friendly Legal Reminder

It’s illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.

Don’t just take my word for it, though. Chief Wiggum says so. Continue reading

Share

What to Expect at the Sochi Olympics Opening Ceremony Tonight

You probably thought the Soviet Union broke up, right?

Yes, that's what we wanted you to think!!!

MUST CRUSH CAPITALISM

The Simpsons predicted it in 1998.

Via UTC_Hellgate and an unknown Reddit user.

Share

Life Imitates Stephen King

Ragen Chastain (who is one of the most awesome people I know) has a post on her blog about The Biggest Loser. She is not a fan.

The Biggest Loser has named a new champion.  Rachel Frederickson won the show by losing 60% of her body weight, going from 260 pounds to 105 pounds. This is a Biggest Loser Record. She lost the most and so she walked away with $250,000 because TBL is a game show wherein people manipulate their body size for money. It’s not a health show, it’s a game show. A terrible, terrible game show. [Emphasis added.]

By Courtney Szto [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Jillian Michaels is very disappointed in you.

Most reality shows—well, the ones that don’t consist of cameras following minor celebrities or “real” people around and waiting for them to get into pointless fights with each other—are really just glorified game shows. I’m not knocking game shows. I’ve enjoyed a few game shows, and I admire that they admit that they are, in fact, game shows. Not so much with shows like The Biggest Loser, which seems to me, based on the little I’ve seen of it, to be entirely about people deemed overweight who volunteer to be abused on television by obnoxious exercise buffs.

The Biggest Loser uses the concept of health as an incentive, a smokescreen, and profit generator.  They use threats about, and promises of, health to convince fat people to be physically and mentally abused for profit.  They use the idea that they abuse fat people “for our own good to make us healthy” to help their audiences justify watching the physical and emotional abuse for entertainment.

Honestly, we are nearing the point Stephen King wrote about in his novella The Running Man, which was adapted almost beyond recognition for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Continue reading

Share

This Week in WTF, February 7, 2014

– You’re doing it wrong: Apparently some Mormons think that masturbation (or online pornography) is equivalent to what appears to be the Bastogne campaign from the Battle of the Bulge during World War II (h/t Jason).

Now I have to laugh because I said “bulge.”

– Is that a piranha in your pocket, or are—DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!! Did you know that piranhas are illegal in at least 25 U.S. states? (Including Texas, under Administrative Code Rule 57.111(15)(F)whew!) You might wonder why that’s even necessary, because who would want to bring such a notorious killing machine into—oh, I see:

Continue reading

Share

Let It Rain (UPDATED x 2)

Georges Biard [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia CommonsPhilip Seymour Hoffman, as you’ve no doubt heard by now, died of an apparent drug overdose last weekend at the age of 46. He had struggled with addiction for years, been sober for decades, and only relatively recently relapsed. To say he was a talented actor seems a ridiculous understatement, but at the same time, to lament the loss of his talent seems insensitive and trite at the moment.

(The title of this post is a line from Along Came Polly, which I just watched for the first time the other day. While it is far from a great movie, it is classic Hoffman.)

The news of his death hit me pretty hard, certainly harder than any other celebrity death in recent years. Maybe it’s because we’re close to the same age, or maybe it’s because I identify with the tubby, socially awkward archetype he often portrayed. Maybe it’s because I’ve lost people to addiction and other demons, some quite recently.

Maybe I feel a profound impact from this, not because his death seems so senseless (even though it does), but because I can envision a scenario in which it would seem to make perfect sense. I have been fortunate in that my issues with addiction have not threatened me in such a critical way, but I am still a recovering addict who knows how quickly the real world can slip away.

I started collecting articles written about him, and about the issues he has brought to light, since last weekend. They represent some of the best ways to respond to such a tragedy, and a few of the worst. Continue reading

Share

American Culture Probably Made This Inevitable (UPDATED)

To paraphrase my friend Bob regarding this bit of news, there is no way this will end well:

That George Zimmerman charity boxing match is really happening, and now he has an opponent.

Celebrity boxing promoter Damon Feldman said in a news release that he picked rapper DMX out of a pool of 15,000 e-mailed requests to participate. “The match will be one of the Biggest Celebrity Boxing matches of all time,” the release read, as quoted by CNN.

Zimmerman previously said the match was his idea, and that he had been training since “prior to the incident.” He was acquitted in 2012 in the killing of teenager Trayvon Martin.

DMX was pretty fired up for the bout. He told TMZ he was prepared to break every rule in boxing “to make sure I f**k him right up.”

I suspect we’re going to see a lot of true colors on display around this event.

For my part, while I suppose I’m rooting for DMX (to the extent I’m rooting for anyone), I don’t really want to see Zimmerman get the crap beaten out of him. I don’t want to see him at all. I think he’s willing to accept large numbers of people hating him if it means he stays famous—it’s therefore a far greater punishment for him to fade into obscurity, a footnote in the history of American stupidity.

Continue reading

Share

Optimistic SciFi

Rob Bricken at io9 answered a question last week about the seeming dearth of optimism in science fiction these days, and he initially responds that “[s]tories need conflict, and having optimistic futures where humanity got their shit together narrows the possibilities of what your protagonist has to struggle against.”

This certainly explains movies like Elysium, Avatar, and the Hunger Games series, but Bricken notes that even the paragon of future optimism, Gene Rodenberry’s Star Trek, has gotten the cynical treatment in the reboots:

The original Trek series — and the movies — and to an extent the series following it — were optimistic, that showed us a better future, that gave us hope that humanity might not fuck it all up. And then the new Trek movies completely ditch all that for the same old shit we’ve seen in everything else — violence, disaster porn, and war. I’m not such a Trek fan that this is such a betrayal of Gene Roddenberry’s vision that it keeps me up at night, but I do miss what made Star Trek so unique and charming.

This got me thinking about my personal favorite Trek series, Deep Space Nine. I liked it for the fact that it was darker and grittier than the other Trek series, but I think I realize now that part of what made DS9 so good was that it existed in this broader universe of optimism. To put it in cheesy terms, DS9 was good because it allowed its protagonists to be bad in a universe that was mostly good. If you look at it that way, DS9 may have been the most optimistic Trek show of them all. Continue reading

Share

Tell John Peter Smith Hospital Where to Send Their Bill

John Peter Smith Hospital, the Fort Worth hospital that interpreted Texas law to require them to keep a pregnant woman on life support long after she was medically considered dead, and against her family’s wishes, might now be trying to bill the family for several months of unconsented and unwanted treatment.

For what it’s worth, sign this petition if you don’t think that’s right (h/t Jennifer).

You might also tell Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott and your state legislators how you feel.

The law in question is a 1999 addition to the Texas Health & Safety Code, § 166.049:

PREGNANT PATIENTS. A person may not withdraw or withhold life-sustaining treatment under this subchapter from a pregnant patient.

The key there is “life-sustaining.” Part of the dispute was whether the hospital should keep a patient who, it was generally agreed, was brain dead on life support.

Not at all surprisingly, Rep. Bill Zedler, R-Arlington, doesn’t get it.


I’d say shame on you, Rep. Zedler, but we both know it wouldn’t do any good, don’t we?

Share