Growing Up Non-Religious in the Bible Belt

A horrifying piece on xoJane by Joanna Clark recounts her experience at an optometrist’s office in her hometown, in which the doctor and two technicians locked her in a room and prayed with her without giving her any real opportunity to opt out. Her story is compelling, but the background of her story particularly jumped out at me:

As religiously unidentified liberals in the third most Bible-minded city in the United States, my family has always been very conscious of how we deal with discussions of religion. I grew up learning that I needed to respect other religions while keeping quiet about my own beliefs.

As far as my parents were concerned, I could choose any religion that suited me, and we even attended services at a Unitarian Universalist church for years before deciding that we just weren’t very committed. In elementary school, my mom briefed me on proper religion-talk etiquette. I was supposed to be vague and accommodating, never mentioning my own affiliations, or lack thereof. I should listen and nod, but offer as little information about myself as possible.

She and my dad would accept whatever decisions I made about my own faith, but others would probably not be so understanding.

It’s this “keeping quiet” aspect that has bothered me for a very long time. Nonbelievers, or even people who simply do not wish to pursue an active religious life, are not exactly welcome in many parts of America. I am a strong believer in not deliberately trying to deconvert someone without their express invitation. This means, of course, that if you ask me what I believe, I’m going to tell you until you tell me to stop, and you have no right to get angry if I say things that contradict your faith. I wish people who are so eager to spread their own version of the Gospel or whatever they wish to call it were so observant (or at least aware) of the boundaries the rest of us have had to develop.

When Christians talk about being “oppressed” in America today, I have to laugh, because the alternative would be screaming at what a phenomenally inane concept that is. Few American-born Christians have the first clue what real oppression looks like. Nonbelievers (of which atheists are one category) are not oppressed in America the way many other groups are, but the message many children seem to be getting is that if you do not believe exactly as certain groups of Christians do, you are somehow less.

Anyway, I have yet to hear of an atheist or agnostic optometrist locking a teenager in an exam room and reading selections from Cosmos to her.

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Michelle Bachmann Will Be in Congress for at Most 612 More Days

The most unintentionally hilarious political quote of 2013 so far, in my opinion, is the following gem from U.S. Representative Michelle Bachmann (R-MN), in her announcement that she will not seek re-election in 2014: “[T]his decision was not impacted in any way by the recent inquiries into the activities of my former presidential campaign or my former presidential staff.”

The best responsive quote is from John Avlon at The Daily Beast: “In a word: bullshit.”

The current Congressional session is scheduled to end on January 3, 2015. That gives us 612 more days of putting up with Michelle Bachmann’s crap. (There is a website that counts days.)

I’ll go back to Mr. Avlon for a few extra thoughts:

There is an impulse at the end of things to search for a redeeming quality, a handshake even between opponents for past battles well fought—and no doubt by midday someone will be offering a Slate pitch to go alongside the glossy partisan media farewells. But without attempting to characterize her personal life, the way Bachmann chose to use her time at the podium of public service was a disgrace.

She degraded national debate, consistently chose fearmongering over facts, and exhibited every impulse of the demagogue and the ideologue. If she ever bothered to do her homework, she could have been dangerous. Instead Bachmann will stand as a sad cautionary tale, a curious footnote used to explain the reality-show auditions of the 2012 GOP presidential primaries, now all part of her reel tape as she attempts to get what she always really wanted: a Fox News contract.

You have 1 year, 8 months, and 7 days left in Congress, Rep. Bachmann (calculating based on 30-day months). Try not to embarrass America during that time. I don’t care if you embarrass yourself.

As for the people of Minnesota’s 6th Congressional District, please try a little harder in 2014. The whole country is watching.

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“Literally, as a fundamentalist”

800px-The_Creation_of_AdamFrom an account of a debate between Richard Dawkins and Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth in the U.K., Lord Jonathan Sacks:

The Jewish leader then asked Dawkins how many Judaic commentaries he read before writing about the Old Testament in his book, to which the atheist professor admitted that “enlightened Jewish commentators would repudiate these horrific stories,” referring to the slaughter of the Ammonites in the Bible.

The author insisted, however, that he was referring to the God of the Old Testament as he actually appears in the text. This prompted Lord Sachs to accuse Dawkins of reading the Bible “literally, as a fundamentalist.”

“How do you decide which bits are symbolic and which bits are not?” Dawkins later asked.

“Very simple,” the Chief Rabbi replied. “The rabbis in the 10th century laid down the following principle: if a biblical narrative is incompatible with established scientific fact, it is not to be read literally.”

Two comments on this:

First, I cannot speak for how religious texts are interpreted in Judaism, although I know there are a wide array of interpretations. There is likely to be an even wider array of interpretations in Christianity, mostly just because there are quite a few more Christians. Most Christians, I suspect, do not derive their religious beliefs from studious review of theological texts. I suppose it is possible that an intensive reading of Judaic commentaries informs the religious views of most of the world’s Jews, but for Christians, I very much doubt it. It is mostly based on what people learn from their families and communities, often delivered in easy-to-digest bites by ministers, pastors, etc. The argument that a person cannot argue against a foundational religious text without first reading an extensive array of supplemental materials is fallacious thinking at its finest. It even has a name: the Courtier’s Reply.

My main comment, though, is Lord Sachs’ assertion that the question of scriptural literalism is based on the extent of its overlap with established science. There’s a name for this, too: the God of the Gaps. Scientific knowledge keeps growing, you see, as we continue to explore, research, and learn. By the standard set forth by Lord Sachs, religion can only get smaller, as formerly-literal teachings become figurative. Sooner or later, if a teaching has to give way to science, how can any of them have literal meaning?

Just saying.

Photo credit: “The Creation of Adam” [Public domain], via RationalWiki.

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All Your Nudes Are Belong to Us: Likeness Rights in the Age of Photoshop

3762597413_d820da2d19During an inadvertent foray onto TMZ’s website, I came across this bit of fun a few months ago:

DO NOT Photoshop Megan Fox’s naked face on another chick’s naked body … and then publish it online … because she will sue the crap out of you — at least that’s the threat she sent to one website this week.

Megan’s legal team fired off the cease and desist letter to a parody website called Celebrity Jihad — after the site published a shockingly good Photoshopped pic last week, depicting Megan’s face on a naked chick’s body.

I’d be curious to hear a fair use argument for the doctored photo, but copyright law does not seem to enter into the discussion here. It’s hard to know what legal arguments were raised, because all the coverage comes from mouth-breathing websites like TMZ and Perez Hilton. Anyway, the website that posted the pictures was not nearly terribly clever in its reply:

A rep for Celebrity Jihad tells TMZ … “While we appreciate Megan Fox’s concern for her image, we find it hard to believe that a woman who spent two Transformers movies bent over with her breasts pressed together could have her reputation damaged by a blatantly satirical website.”

See, Megan Fox slutted it up in two Michael Bay movies, so how could she complain about some hack website sticking her face on someone else’s naked body, amirite??? (That’s my interpretation of their argument, anyway.)

(If you want to see the picture, you’ll have to Google it yourself. I already feel bad enough for linking to TMZ, although I tagged it “nofollow.”) Continue reading

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Cell Phones: Making International Intrigue Less Gripping Since the 1990’s

(Written in October 2012, not published until now.)

After watching Argo, the new thriller about a daring rescue during the Iranian hostage crisis of 1979-80, I could not help but ponder how different the story would have been had any of the characters had cell phones. (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!)

For starters, those Iranian guards at the airport would have had to do far less running. If I had to guess, I would say about 40% of the dramatic tension of the film was related to someone trying to call someone else on the phone, but that person had stepped away for one reason or another. Argo is practically a collaborative commercial for AT&T, T-Mobile, and Verizon.

"This guy is going to go to Val Verde with you, and he's going to call us every 20 minutes from the in-flight phone. So don't even think about breaking his neck, covering him with a blanket, and sneaking off the plane during takeoff." (Via theoneliner.com.)

“This guy is going to go to Val Verde with you, and he’s going to call us every 20 minutes from the in-flight phone. So don’t even think about breaking his neck, covering him with a blanket, and sneaking off the plane during takeoff.” (Via theoneliner.com.)

At any rate, modern technology has rendered more than a few classic films moot. Had Sully possessed a cell phone in the 1985 epic Commando, then the chase scene that provided much of the film’s backbone (prior to the final mass carnage montage, of course) would have been unnecessary. Rather than run to find a pay phone with Schwarzenegger on his tail, he could have texted “kill girl” to the other bad guys, and the movie would have been over within the first 45 minutes.

Here are some other films made redundant by cell phones:

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Monday Morning Cute: Little Animals with Musical Accompaniment

Today is the return of my “Monday Morning Cute” series, which went on hiatus because I’m lazy.

First, we have a baby monkey riding backwards on a pig (h/t LGF):

The song is also associated with an iPhone game:

Next, we have a little octopus climbing over a rock:

All of the music here is by Parry Gripp, who has many similar videos. Here’s one more about a porcupine eating a carrot:

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Good Music, Strange Name

(The following is part of my series of posts that I started writing in mid-2012 but didn’t publish until now, with some edits to bring it up to date.)

I first heard this band a few weeks ago [sometime in May 2012 – ed.] at the coffee place down the street from my house [where I no longer live – ed.] (I think the song was “Two-Headed Boy” [it was – ed.]). Since I could tell that the song would be stuck in my head for a while [more than a year so far – ed.], I asked the barista about it when I went to get a coffee refill. The conversation went roughly like this:

Me: “Who does this song?”
Barista: “Neutral Milk Hotel.”
Me: (slightly bemused) “I’m sorry?”
Barista: “Neutral Milk Hotel.”
Me: “……….one more time?”
Barista: “Neutral. Milk. Hotel. Here’s your coffee.”

I immediately went to Google because (a) I wanted to learn more about the band that created the song that was still boring its way into my skull, and (b) I wanted reassurance that I had not just received a coffee refill from a madman. Turns out the band was active in the late ’90s, during that period of acoustic post-grunge rock epitomized by bands like Neutral Milk Hotel.

Other strange band names: Olivia Tremor Control, gorky’s zygotic mynci, Ned’s Atomic Dustbin.

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Game of Thrones, for Those Who Don’t Like the Violence and Drama and Stuff

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Via eclecticbooksandmovies.blogspot.com

Game of Thrones offers something for a wide range of tastes, from intricate and interconnect plots, palace intrigue, and uncomfortable romance; to swordfights and zombie battles; to, let’s face it, boobs.

Someone went an edited together all of the nude scenes from the first two seasons (NSFW and with spoilers, of course). It does a good job of demonstrating that not all on-screen nudity is good nudity. Daenerys’ early scenes with Khal Drogo come to mind. Also, it’s almost entirely female nudity, and while that might be more my thing, it’s pretty darn unfair. As I recall, towards the end of season 1 there was a brief scene in Winterfell’s godswood with Osha admiring Hodor’s, um, hodor, and I think maybe some almost full-frontal of Theon Greyjoy, but considering that Roz almost never wore clothes in any of her scenes, it ends up pretty lopsided. There’s a pun in there somewhere.

This is also reflected in George R.R. Martin’s writing, which delves into the creepy-sexy quite a bit. The guy talks a lot about nipples.

I’m not sure if the video will embed in WordPress, so if you can’t see it below, click here.

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Where the People Are

Via Imgur:

CK6aONG

“There are more people living inside this circle than outside of it.”

Pretty crazy. Time to do some Wikipedia’ing, based on my eyeballing of the countries included in the circle.

Bangladesh 161,083,804
Bhutan 716,896
Brunei 408,786
Burma 54,584,650
Cambodia 14,952,665
China (I’m not sure if this number includes Hong Kong and Macau) 1,343,239,923
East Timor 1,143,667
India 1,205,073,612
Indonesia 248,645,008
Japan 127,368,088
Laos 6,586,266
Malaysia 29,179,952
Maldives 394,451
Mongolia 3,179,997
Nepal 29,890,686
North Korea 24,589,122
Pakistan 190,291,129
Philippines 103,775,002
Singapore 5,353,494
South Korea 48,860,500
Sri Lanka 21,481,334
Taiwan 23,071,779
Thailand 67,091,089
Vietnam 91,519,289
TOTAL 3,802,481,189

The U.S. Census Bureau’s estimate of the world population is constantly increasing, so I’ll just round it up to 7.087 billion. The above total represents approximately 53.6% of the world’s population.

The above list includes six of the ten most populous countries in the world. For gits and shiggles, here are the other four:

United States 315,895,000
Brazil 198,176,000
Nigeria 170,123,740
Russia 143,347,100
TOTAL 827,541,840

The above map includes part of Russia, so that circle actually has an even higher percentage of the world’s population in it.

To offer another perspective, the above-circled area probably represents more total land area than the United States, but it also has over twelve times as many people. If I had more time, I’d compare the GDPs of the 24 countries in the circle to that of the U.S., but I’m sure someone else has done that.

For a little extra fun, someone labeled the islands of Indonesia with the European countries that have similar population numbers.

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The island of Java (53,589 sq. mi.) has about the same number of people as all of Russia (6,592,800 sq. mi.), and is about 0.8% Russia’s size.

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I Am Justice Sotomayor!

At least according to this “personality quiz” from NonCuratLex.com:

Click to embiggen (via noncuratlex.com)

Click to embiggen (via noncuratlex.com)

I give props to whomever wrote this for not making it too obvious where the various answers will lead, and making it clever when it is obvious (“Philo Farnsworth’s original patents” was pretty inspired.) I cannot claim that my answer is entirely valid, though, because I came upon the question regarding Major League Baseball preferences. There are few issues about which I care less than Major League Baseball. The World Series of Poker comes to mind, along with anything involving Real Housewives. Anyway, I chose the Yankees, because I at least know that two guys with the same names as me have played for them. (That wasn’t the reason at the time, but it’s an excellent post hoc rationalization.)

We even have the same hairdo.

We even have the same hairdo.

Also, I really would “perform a silent jig of unadulterated joy” if asked to be on Sesame Street, although I doubt it would be all that silent.

Seriously, please put me in a sketch with Barkley. I have theater experience, and I’m good with dogs (even supernaturally large ones).

Back to the issue at hand, I can totally live with a personality matching Justice Sotomayor’s. At least I’m not Scalia.

Photo credits: Kyle at NonCuratLex; pvsbond (TBS Analyst David Wells) [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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