Responses to Mrs. Hall: The Greatest Hits

By Alwaysthefearless (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Random example of a selfie. (Via Wikimedia Commons)

When I saw Mrs. Hall’s open letter to the teenage harlots who tempt her teenage sons, my only way to directly relate to the material was through my own experience as a teenage boy. I mostly recall it as a chaotic mixture of hormones and angst, but I feel very fortunate that I had people around me who taught me about self-control, as opposed to trying to impose restrictions on those around me. (Of course, I came of age in a pre-social-media era, so maybe things are significantly different now—I doubt it, though.)

I pondered writing my own response to Mrs. Hall’s letter, addressing my concern about how her overt slut-shaming is harmful to girls, or how her implicit denial of her sons’ moral agency in the presence of braless teen girl selfies is extremely harmful to boys and girls, or the remarkable irony in chastising girls about their own states of undress in the midst of muscle-beach photos of her own beefcakey brood. The only criticism Mrs. Hall seems to have heard and processed involves the beefcake angle, so she re-posted the same piece minus the teenage boy-flesh. I’d posit that the other issues are more important. Enough people have weighed in now that I doubt I can add much more, so here are excerpts from some of my favorite responses: Continue reading

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This Week in WTF, September 6, 2013

– Police arrested a couple for having sex in a shed at a Home Depot in North Charleston, South Carolina. At 8:30 in the morning. At least they closed the shed door first.

This happened:

Via thedorseyshawexperience.tumblr.com

Via thedorseyshawexperience.tumblr.com

– A married couple in the UK had their marriage annulled after learning (and I am not making this up) that they are actually twins separated at birth:

According to a peer addressing the House of Lords, the case highlights the importance of ensuring all adopted children have access to the details of their biological parents.

And their siblings, I would add.

– A restaurant in Oklahoma City may be the site of the return of a Lovecraftian deity:

The restaurant discovered a three-foot tall, concrete block on their front lawn last Friday. The roughly cut block bears a bronze plaque with the inscription “In the Year of Our Lord 2012 Creer Pipi claimed this land for Azathoth.”

I’m not all that up on my Lovecraft, but Azathoth sounds unpleasant.

– We’ve all heard about how your rectum can be a good hiding place in critical moments. Well, we’ve heard that in movies, but I’ve always maintained a healthy skepticism about the practice (along with never having quite such a critical need to hide anything.) A Tennessee woman learned the hard way that rectum-hiding has certain medical risks, which, in her case, require hospitalization.

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Signal Boost: Anti-Choicers’ “Shocking Amount of Entitlement”

From “The Deeply Disturbing World of Modern Anti-Abortion Activism” by Amanda Marcotte, on anti-choice efforts in Kansas:

What all this bespeaks is a shocking amount of entitlement on the behalf of anti-choicers. It makes sense; the underlying premise of being anti-choice is believing that you have the right to control the reproductive decisions of perfect strangers and that your beliefs about what sexuality is “for” should be imposed on others by government fiat. Once you get into that headspace, all other kinds of shockingly entitled attitudes follow, including the belief that you get to misuse the medical records of underage rape victims and that clinics, and not you, are to blame if your protesting is an irritant to the rest of the community. The anti-choice movement, at its heart, is imperious and cold-hearted, but the situation in Kansas shows how an insular, radically anti-choice community can take the already grossly entitled attitudes of anti-choicers and blow them up into grotesqueries.

As I have stated many times in the past, I do not believe for a second that the higher-ups in the anti-choice movement have any serious interest in reducing the number of abortions. At best, it is about removing any legally-sanctioned access to abortion so that they can claim a clear conscience and place the blame for continued abortion on “criminals” (which really is quite the feat of rhetorical sleight-of-hand). At worst, of course, it is just yet another effort at imposing archaic notions of control over women.

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Fetuses, the 26th Amendment, and Texas Republicans

xandert from morguefile.com

Childhood hijinks, or sinister liberal plot?

If fetuses in Texas could vote, they’d probably vote Republican, at least according to one state official:

In a recent speech to an anti-abortion group on the economic impact of terminating pregnancies, Texas Railroad Commissioner Barry Smitherman, a Republican candidate for attorney general, said he believed many unborn babies “would have voted Republican.”

***

Smitherman spokesman Allen Blakemore called the candidate’s statement a matter of statistics.

“Of course he was referring to the ones in Texas,” Blakemore said, “and we know that the majority of Texans vote for Republican candidates.”

I am honestly just too worn out to bother trying to make fun of Smitherman directly, and this comment actually boggles my mind to the point where snark begins to fail me. Instead, I will point out the callous disregard Smitherman shows for children through this comment. Apparently he wants to give the franchise to fetuses, but nothing he said indicates that he would support granting similar voting rights to children between the ages of birth and eighteen. Individuals in that age range do not have the right to vote, per the 26th Amendment to the United States Constitution.

What does Smitherman know about children that would cause him to seek to suppress their voting rights in this manner? What is behind this push for a fetal franchise? Are Texas children far more liberal—and therefore more likely to vote for Democratic candidates—than their amniotic-submerged counterparts? Or is something more sinister at work here?

Or, in the alternative, is Barry Smitherman talking completely out of his ass? History will decide (assuming that we’re still even bothering to teach history in the future).

Photo credit: xandert from morguefile.com.

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Bacon Jumps the Shark

Our love of bacon may have finally jumped the shark.

Ford Graphics unveiled last week a bacon-wrap design that is now available for the [Ford Fiesta], “in anticipation of International Bacon Day,” on August 31st, says its website.

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I am not knocking bacon in any way, mind you. I have moral compunction a about eating it, given what we know about pigs’ intelligence and all, but dammit, bacon is meat used to enhance the flavor of other meat. It’s just that literally wrapping your car in figurative bacon might be a bridge too far.

It’s good, but can we all stop acting like it is the end-all, be-all of anything food-related? Must we really engulf our cars with a giant bacon likeness just to show everyone that we are more bacon-loving than they are? Can’t we all just concede that bacon is delicious and never speak of it again? No? Fine. Whatever.

I already thought bacon milkshakes were a bit much, but never underestimate the power of bacon.

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Monday Morning Cute: Defining “Cute” in Human Terms

Some members of the animal kingdom never seem to earn the description of “cute.” I suspect that we tend to find cuteness in creatures that are more similar to us than dissimilar, although I’m too lazy to see if science backs me up on that. We would therefore be much more likely to find a mammal (e.g. a dog, cat, rabbit, sloth, or manatee) cute than, say, an amphibian or reptile (e.g. a tree frog, gecko, or chameleon). We would definitely find mammals and reptiles cuter than arthropods (e.g. spiders, lobsters, beetles, horseshoe crabs, or millipedes), at least as a general rule. Cephalopods seem to be an outlier (e.g. cuttlefish and octopi).

I do have a hypothesis as to why we feel this way about bugs and their close relatives: we tend to find small things cute when they are not ordinarily small, like puppies, kittens, and finger monkeys. Most bugs are already small, so while a baby hedgehog that can fit in the palm of your hand might be adorable, a bug that is the same size might actually be terrifying. The same goes for cephalopods, actually. A giant squid is not cute by any stretch of the imagination, but a tiny octopus might be adorable.

So what happens when an arthropod that we expect to be large is actually small? Can that be cute? Well, here’s a lobster that is about the size of some dude’s finger. You tell me if it’s cute:

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Via yourocklobster.com

Something that we normally expect to be about the size of our hand, like a crab, might become cute when it is small enough to perch on a finger: Continue reading

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Kirk and Khan

I’m about halfway through watching Star Trek: Into Darkness (spoiler alert, sort of). My first observation is that Benedict Cumberbatch is no Ricardo Montalbán. (I am decidedly of the opinion that Montalbán es más macho.)

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What blew my mind, in regard to Montalbán’s reprise of the character in 1982’s The Wrath of Khan, was this:

At no point during The Wrath of Khan are Khan and Kirk face to face; they speak to each other only over communication links such as view screens. This was due in part to the fact that the set of the Reliant was a redress of the Enterprise bridge, and the two actors’ scenes were filmed four months apart. Montalbán recited his lines with a script girl instead of to William Shatner.

In dozens, if not hundreds of viewing over the past 31 years, I never really appreciated the fact that the two characters never met face-to-face. While the “Khaaaaaaaaan” scream will live on forever in movie history, the world would undeniably be a better place had the film included a 40-something on 60-something fight scene…….in space.

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This Week in WTF, August 30, 2013

– Proving once again that the lives of obscenely rich New Yorkers are a complete mystery to me, people are paying $1,500 per square foot for basement storage space in a fancy high-rise under construction. Considering the $300,000 price tag for a 200 square foot space is less than 1% of the cost of some of the building’s units, it’s a relative bargain. Of course, if Bane ever takes over Manhattan, I don’t want to be anywhere near this building.

– Someone stole a Vancouver woman’s bicycle, then posted an ad for it on Craigslist. The woman responded to the ad, met the seller/thief in a McDonald’s parking lot, and did what any Canadian BAMF would do: she stole the bike back.

This happened:

At least one million cockroaches have escaped a farm in China where they were being bred for use in traditional medicine, a report said.

Commence heebie-jeebies.

– That Video Music Awards thing. Now let us never speak of it again.

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“Baby on Board” Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry

By Vinu raj at Malayalam Wikipedia (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia CommonsAbout a week ago, someone flagrantly cut me off on the feeder road of the highway near my house – to the point where they probably would have clipped my front bumper if I hadn’t braked in time.

Aside from the fact that it was a small white car, the only thing I noticed was a “Baby on Board” sign affixed to the back window of the car. I’d be tempted to think that the car was stolen, but it’s equally plausible that anyone who would drive around with a “Baby on Board” sign in their car in 2013 is just that much of an asshole.

Photo credit: By Vinu raj at Malayalam Wikipedia (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.

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Judge in Montana Affirms the Notion that a Man Cannot Be Trusted with His Own Genitalia

Once again, the legal system has accepted the notion that certain men simply cannot stop themselves from having sex with others, regardless of how the others feel about it. It really should go without saying that consent is a required aspect of sex, but somehow people don’t get that message. Beyond all the harm this “boys will be boys” bullshit causes to others, how long does it have to go on before men start realizing just how damaging, and insulting, it is to men? If you have sex with someone without the other person’s consent, and you claim that the other person was somehow at fault, you are claiming that you can’t control your own genitalia. Thanks to male privilege, of course, this never gets imputed to all men, but that doesn’t stop a lot of guys from trying.

A Montana state judge sentenced a former teacher to about a month in jail, while suspending the remainder of his fifteen-year sentence, after he pleaded guilty to having sex with a student when he was 49 and she was 14. District Judge G. Todd Baugh of Yellowstone County reportedly stated in court that the girl was “as much in control of the situation” as the teacher, and that she was “older than her chronological age.” The defendant, Stacy Dean Rambold, reportedly pleaded guilty to a felony charge in April. The case had been deferred for several years, until prosecutors learned that Rambold’s sex offender treatment program had terminated him. The actual incident took place in 2008. The victim committed suicide in 2010.

Here’s the deal: statutory rape laws generally operate on a theory of strict liability, meaning that knowledge of an alleged victim’s age is not a required element of the crime. This can hypothetically lead to injustice in a case where, say, an alleged victim goes to great lengths to conceal their true age, and the defendant is genuinely unaware of their age. I don’t know how common or how rare such occurrences are, but it doesn’t matter here, because this teacher knew damn well that this student was 14 years old, well under the age of consent for Montana.

The judge’s statements, as reported in the media, are actually worse than the standard narrative of victim-blaming, because the victim, Cherice Morales was not there to defend herself, because she committed suicide at the age of 17. The Missoulian reported:

Baugh said he listened to recorded statements given by Morales before her death and believes that while she was a troubled youth, she was “as much in control of the situation” as Rambold.

The judge also said Morales was “older than her chronological age.”

A judge listens to recorded statements made by a teenager, who was probably in a state of distress, three years after she made them, and concludes that she had the same legal and moral agency as an adult, specifically a schoolteacher, who was 49 years old at the time the offense occurred. He even specifically mentioned that she was a “troubled youth” in assessing, by some unknown metric, her non-chronological age.

I get that there is a certain—extremely limited—nuance to cases involving statutory rape, only in the sense that an alleged victim who is fifteen minutes away from attaining their state’s age of consent presents different issues than someone years younger. There is no clear dividing line in this regard, but again, it doesn’t matter in this case, because the victim was 14 years old.

To say that she was “as much in control” as a 49 year-old teacher, who has presumably had extensive education and training in how to interact with children, is to say that this teacher lacks the ability to control himself. The judge apparently did not elaborate on how the victim’s control of the situation played into what happened between the teacher and her, and we really don’t want to revisit it. That said, however, is this a warning that young girls need to be on guard against their own teachers, because those teachers will not always be expected to be the responsible adult?

If you have such little control over yourself as this former teacher, you need to seek help or remove yourself from society. I generally think our system of sex offender laws is completely screwed up, but this strikes as one case where they got it right. An evaluation reportedly said that this guy is “a low risk to re-offend and could be treated in the community,” but by his own admission, he has self-control problems around young teenagers.

I should also mention the defense’s line of argument. I generally don’t fault defense attorneys for using whatever reasonable defense is available, so my beef is with the mere fact that anyone would consider this defense to be reasonable at all:

Reminiscent of the Steubenville rape case earlier this year, the defendant’s attorney’s launched into “the poor rapist” line of defense, citing that the publicity surrounding the rape had cost Mr. Rambold his job, his marriage and his home and that he had suffered the equivalent of a “scarlet letter of the Internet”. Imagine that. A school teacher lost his job after raping a 14 year-old student three times and to add insult to injury his wife left him too. Damn that publicity, why will we as a nation and a community not just let him rape little girls in peace?

To give you a sense of setting, this all happened in Yellowstone County, Montana, where another county official is currently facing accusation of plagiarizing a letter to the editor he submitted to the Billings Gazette entitled “Why I hate Barack and Michelle Obama.”

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