Does Coachella Actually Have Music Anymore?

License to Boot [CC BY 2.0], via FlickrSeriously, no one ever even mentions music at Coachella. It’s all about fashion, trends that everyone will look back on in embarrassment, and unforgivable neologisms like “Coachella diet” and “smuicing.” (I promise I will never use that word again, ever.)

Even the fashion aspects, to judge from the pictures, make it look like Coachella consists entirely of skinny hipster chicks without sweat glands standing in the middle of remarkably empty and green fields. Oh yeah, and white people in headdresses, because fuck history.

It wouldn’t surprise me at this point to learn that the whole thing is just staged by New York fashion designers. I mean, I don’t think I know anyone who’s been to Coachella, so how do I know it actually exists???

I’m not even sure why I wrote this post. Now get off my lawn. Continue reading

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What I’m Reading, April 9, 2014

By Marc Gallant (Flickr) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia CommonsI’m Not Your Disappearing Indian, Jacqueline Keeler, Indian Country Today Media Network, April 3, 2014 (via Jezebel)

No, it wasn’t Stephen Colbert who forgot about us, nor was it “Stephen Colbert,” a character played by comedian Stephen Colbert, to satirize the extreme insensitivity of Republican conservatism. His show,The Colbert Reportdid a whole skit skewering Dan Snyder, billionaire owner of the Washington Redsk*ns, and Snyder’s new Original Americans Foundation (OAF), exposing it — through satire — as a blatant attempt to use charity to provide cover for his NFL team’s racist name. It was the hashtaggers, PoC (People of Color) and progressives, our own allies on Twitter who trended the hashtag #CancelColbert in response to the fictional foundation’s name featured in the skit.  And yet, Dan Snyder’s real foundation promoting an ethnic slur against us, a foundation thatactually exists, failed to garner even a tiny fraction of outrage by the same group. In fact, in her Time Magazine article that followed the enormous success of #CancelColbert, hashtag originator Suey Park failed to mention Snyder’s foundation at all. She certainly did not mention the Native hashtag protesting it #Not4Sale, despite it being covered by Mike Wise at the Washington Post and Al Jazeera America’s The Stream just days before. Only one reporter, Jeff Yang of the Wall Street Journal included any mention of Native responses to it.

Mega-Donors Are Now More Important Than Most Politicians, Peter Beinart, The Atlantic, April 4, 2014

The astonishing concentration of wealth among America’s super-rich, combined with a Supreme Court determined to tear down the barriers between their millions and our elections, is once again shifting the balance of power between politicians and donors. You could see it during last weekend’s “Sheldon primary,” when four major presidential contenders flocked to Las Vegas to court one man. When Chris Christie, not known for backing down from a fight, used a phrase (“occupied territories”) that Adelson disliked, he quickly apologized. And with good reason. Adelson, who probably spent north of $100 million in the 2012 election, can single-handedly sustain a presidential candidacy, or wreck one. He’s certainly wields more influence over American politics than most members of the United States Senate.

It’s time the press starts behaving accordingly. The media, for the most part, still treats elected officials as the key players in our political process. They get most of the scrutiny. Mega-donors, by contrast, are permitted a substantial degree of anonymity. Now that must change. If Adelson or the Koch brothers or their liberal equivalents can single-handedly shape presidential campaigns and congressional majorities, their pet concerns and ideological quirks deserve more journalistic attention than do those of most members of congress. It’s no longer enough to have one reporter covering the “money and politics” beat. Special correspondents should be assigned to cover key mega-donors, and should work doggedly to make their private influence public.

Photo credit: By Marc Gallant (Flickr) [CC-BY-2.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

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What I’m Reading, April 8, 2014

Every review of Black Widow in ‘Captain America’ is wrong, Gavia Baker-Whitelaw, The Daily Dot, April 2, 2014

Honestly, this kind of catsuit-focused review says more about the reviewer than the film itself. Apparently the mere concept of Scarlett Johansson in a tight outfit is so dazzlingly erotic that it bypasses some male reviewers’ conscious minds and causes them to ignore everything she says and does for the rest of the movie. The result is a series of reviews from highly respected film critics who, given the opportunity to describe each Avenger in a single sentence, replace Black Widow’s summary with the announcement, “I AM A HETEROSEXUAL MAN AND SCARLETT JOHANSSON’S BOOBS ARE AWESOME.”

Yes, the Cover of Golf Digest Is Tacky, Gross, and Exclusionary. But So Is Golf. Philip Bump, The Wire, April 4, 2014

It’s actually perfect that Golf Digest‘s cover image of sexy, non-golfer Paulina Gretzky has irritated people for being sexist and exclusionary. After all, nothing provides a better digest of golf than exclusion, annoyance, cultural damage, and self-absorption.

***

Here is the thing: Golf is the worst sport, if it is a sport at all. Golf is worse than NASCAR, and I say that fully understanding the weight of those words. Golf is worse because it is more classist, more racist, and probably more environmentally harmful than car racing. And what’s really remarkable about golf is how little legwork it takes to demonstrate each of those qualities.

[Ed. note: For the actual cover, see here.]

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How “How I Met Your Mother” Did a Multi-Season Story Arc Better than Most Shows

It took me a little while to figure out why people were so pissed about the finale of How I Met Your Mother, but I think I get it now, and I agree. Major spoilers ahead.

The entire nine-year run of the show, as it turns out, was misdirection. I rather like misdirection in a story up to a point, as do (I think) most people. I don’t know exactly where that point is, but it is more than safe to say that the point beyond which misdirection stops being enjoyable occurs well before the nine-year mark.

(If you are still reading, I will assume you are okay with spoilers, so here goes.) Continue reading

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I Hope This Helps, Mr. Koch

Charles Koch has a sad.

He wants us to know that he only wants what is best for us, even if we can’t always see it or understand it at first. (He’s even asking his employees to help him get the word out about what a great guy he really is!)

But we just keep on giving him a hard time, and it’s making him glum. Since I hate to see anyone in a bad mood, especially plutocratic oligarchs, consider this: people often root for the villain as much as, if not more than, the hero. Consider the Bond films. People remember who played Bond, of course, and they may have strong opinions about who did it best (although any answer besides Sean Connery is wrong). They also remember the best villains, and the actors who played them.

Copyright Getty Images, reused for comic effect

The Bond films wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t have Gert Fröbe’s Goldfinger, Donald Pleasance’s and Charles Gray’s Blofeld (sorry, Telly Savalas and all those other people, but Pleasance and Grey were better), Christopher Lee’s Scaramanga, or Christopher Walken’s Zorin, just to name a few.

Blofeld pets the kitty

And, while such a position is obviously beneath you, let’s not forget the henchmen, particularly Robert Shaw’s Grant, Harold Sakata’s Oddjob, Bruce Glover and Putter Smith’s Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd, Hervé Villechaize’s Nick Nack, Grace Jones’ May Day, and Famke Janssen’s Xenia Onatopp. A special place of honor is reserved, of course, for Richard Kiel’s Jaws.

Jaws gives us a smile

I hope that makes you feel better, Mr. Koch. I mean, you already seem to see us as caricatures of oligarchic underlings, so you might as well complete your own transformation into a caricature of evil.

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Lest We Forget a Great Performance

I haven’t seen Frozen, but I am intrigued by the Frozen/Watchmen-comic mashup (h/t Marc) that notes the similarities between the character of Elsa in Frozen and Dr. Manhattan.

Click to embiggen.

Some people have wondered aloud whether Elsa’s “Let It Go” scene was a direct homage to Dr. Manhattan’s trip to Mars. Others are quite convinced that it is not. I’ll reserve judgment, possibly forever because meh.

While this analysis, not to mention the various memes poking fun at John Travovo’s now-classic mispronouncement, are fun and all, it also offers a chance to remind the world that Idina Menzel turned in a freaking awesome performance of that song:

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What I’m Reading, March 19, 2014

By John Martinez Pavliga from Berkeley, USA (Contemporary American Auto Dealer) [CC-BY-2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia CommonsWhat Do Car Dealers Do? Gerard Magliocca, Concurring Opinions, March 17, 2014

What is the public purpose behind a statute or regulation that says that you can only buy new cars through a dealer? I’ll grant that the dealership model has been around for a long time, and dealers are a powerful lobby, but is there anything else to this regulation? For example, can you say that car dealers do a better job at protecting consumer safety or welfare than a store owned by the manufacturer? I find that hard to believe. I’m not sure these dealership statutes are constitutionally irrational, but they are ridiculous.

Continue reading

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In a World Without Movie Trailer Voiceovers

Hal Douglas, whose voice you’ve heard even if you never knew his name, died last week at the age of 89.

Don “In a World…” LaFontaine died in 2008.

Movie trailers are increasingly non-verbal.

Some movie trailers are works of art in their own right that exceed the actual movies they advertise. Prometheus is a recent example. Watch this trailer and tell me you don’t, just for a moment, forget the disappointment of the actual film:

The crowning achievement in movie trailers, though, has to be 1989’s The Abyss. The movie ended up pretty forgettable, IMHO, but the trailer still stands as one of the best scifi short films in history: Continue reading

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SciFi Glory that Never Was

Via mashable.com

Via mashable.com

I’m actually a fan of David Lynch’s Dune, despite its many flaws. (A lot of people seem to like that Sting was in it, for whatever reason.)

The 2000 television miniseries made up for some of the deficiencies of Lynch’s version, but added in new deficiencies of its own.

The Children of Dune miniseries was much better (I especially liked the Godfather-esque montage at the end of the first episode, with a song in the actual made-up Fremen language.)

Simply knowing that another version of Dune—directed by Alejandro “Free SXSW Hugs” Jodorowsky, designed by H.R. Giger, and featuring Orson Welles as Baron Harkonnen and Salvador-fucking-Dali as Emperor Shaddam IV—could have existed but never came to fruition makes me ponder the value of everything that has happened in human history from that point in the 1970’s onward.

At least there is a documentary about how the movie did not get made.

The movie business is finicky. Remember how Saw had six sequels?

At least Giger went on to give us Alien.

Photo credit: Via mashable.com.

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