I started having this thought after watching Zoolander for about the 50th time recently about how undemocratic the “fashion” business is. By that, I mean the decision from on high to introduce new styles or bring certain styles back, presumably because it is the only way to ensure that people will spend a shitload of money every year on overpriced clothing. (NOTE: Aside from the handful of links above, I have done no research whatsoever into the economics of clothing. I just know that I never pay attention to what is “in” this “season.”) To me, it all seems very communist. Actually, I like the term “fashion fascist,” now that I think about it.

I typically buy all of my clothing at one of three locations, and don’t get rid of anything until it falls apart. I do occasionally spend a gift certificate somewhere more chi-chi, and it was during one of these trips that I had something of an epiphany: the saleswoman was trying to sell me an obscenely expensive argyle sweater. Given that it was 2007 and I am in my early 30’s, I asked why the hell would I consider spending $100 on a butt-ugly argyle sweater.

“Because argyle is back,” she said.

I pondered that for a moment, then calmly explained that, if argyle is indeed “back,” that means that it must have gone away at some point. That also means that it will go away again, and I will be out $100 for a sweater that I could only wear for one “season.” Screw that. To be fair to her, though, it really does seem to be back.

To give you an example of my thriftiness, I own three suits. Total. These suits were purchased in 1995, 1999, and 2001. They all still fit, and they are all still in prime condition (ironically, the newest one is showing the most signs of wear). Apparently, fashions have changed regarding cuffed pants legs or something like that, but I just figure anyone who spends enough time looking at my feet to develop an opinion about the stylishness of the part of the pants that might accidentally brush the ground is not someone I need to be overly concerned about, because they will eventually bump their head on something sharp and go into a coma and I won’t have to listen to their fashion tips anymore.

The reason I am posting this now is because I came across this while looking for something for Zeta:

Argyle is back and perfectly styled for your Yuppie Puppy. Dress your pup in the hottest trend!

I think that should be the sign that a trend has gotten too hot when it can be used in the same sentence as “Yuppie Puppy.” I think my dog would rip my throat out while I slept if I tried to turn her into a “Yuppie Puppy,” and I think I would let her do it if it had come to that.