Quote of the century from PZ Myers:

Look at the bible as a pastiche, a collection of mutually and often internally inconsistent fragments slapped together for crude reasons of politics and art and priestly self-promotion and sometimes beauty and a lot of chest-thumping tribalism, and through that lens, it makes a lot of sense. It does tell us something important…about us, not some fantastic mythological being. It tells us that we are fractious, arrogant, scrappy people who sometimes accomplish great things and more often cause grief and pain to one another. We want to be special in a universe that is uncaring and cold, and in which the nature of our existence is a transient flicker, so we invent these strange stories of grand beginnings, like every orphan dreaming that they are the children of kings who will one day ride up on a white horse and take them away to a beautiful palace and a rich and healthy family that will love them forever. We are not princes of the earth, we are the descendants of worms, and any nobility must be earned.

Seriously???

No matter how many times I blink, rub my eyes, or try to wash them out with Visine, it’s not going away.

[A]nother Pasco County substitute teacher’s job is on the line, but this time it’s because of a magic trick.

The charge from the school district — Wizardry!

Substitute teacher Jim Piculas does a 30-second magic trick where a toothpick disappears then reappears.

But after performing it in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land ‘O Lakes, Piculas said his job did a disappearing act of its own.

“I get a call the middle of the day from the supervisor of substitute teachers. He says, ‘Jim, we have a huge issue. You can’t take any more assignments. You need to come in right away,'” he said.

When Piculas went in, he learned his little magic trick cast a spell that went much farther than he’d hoped.

“I said, ‘Well Pat, can you explain this to me?’ ‘You’ve been accused of wizardry,’ [he said]. Wizardry?” he asked.

I guess I’ll have to stop removing my thumb to entertain kids, lest I be branded a minion of the Dark One or something.

Excellent post at Skepchick about what a particular atheist does believe in. Assuming I have time, I want to add my own positive beliefs, but for now I’m going to carry one commenter’s belief around with me for a little while:

I believe that we were put on this earth to take care of dogs. I believe our reward for that is that we get to take care of dogs.

Skepchick has a funny piece on whether non-theists should invoke the name of God or his ilk when cursing:

My hubby was on a message board the other day where someone was telling him that when an atheist says “Goddammit,” it implies at least some vague belief in God.

I find that notion somewhat nutty, and perhaps a bit self-contradictory. Truth is, though, that a good hearty G/D is sometimes the most effective way, on the spur of the moment, to express one’s true feelings. She offers some alternatives to the old standards, of which the following are my favorites:

“Holy Curie’s Isotopes!”

 

“Mother of Galileo!”

 

“Great Merciful Hawking!”

One commenter recommends dropping into another language (vaffanculo!), which can be both effective and amusingly confusing to your listener. I will admit to dropping some ordinary German and Russian exclamations (Scheisse! Жаль.), but my favorite came from a Spanish-speaking friend back in college. Just try saying it:

¡Hijo de la fregada!

Babelfish translates it as “Son of the mopped one,” but I’ve also been told it means “Son of that which bothers me.” What it shows, though, is that in this crazy, technological, postmodern world, there are more than enough cursewords to go around, in just about any language. Try using a completely innocuous, yet reasonably uncommon, foreign word as a swear, and see how soon it starts to sound a little inappropriate in polite company. Imagine you just swung a hammer straight into your thumb, and then recite the following words:

Shishkebab

Portobello

Melange

Ensalada

Lieblingsfarber

Humuhumunukunukuapua’a

See what I mean?

In closing, I have to note that the Wikipedia entry on the cumbersomely-named Hawaiian fish above states that its name is one of the longest words in the English language. Do I really need to point out that it’s not in the English language?