Old white Republicans seem to have quite a bit of time on their hands, and they seem to think passing anti-choice legislation is a good way to pass the time. I thought I’d offer some tips on things they could do instead. (h/t to Jen for the idea.)

1. Shuffleboard.

2. Contra. Not the Nicaraguan guerrilla group—I’m talking about the 1980’s Nintendo classic. (Psst! There’s a secret code that can get you nearly unlimited lives. If you promise to stop trying to pass all this restrictive legislation, I’ll tell you what the code is.)

© 1988 Konami

3. Duck hunting. This can be accomplished with the Nintendo or in real life.

4. Ensuring the people have access to affordable contraception.

5. Arm wrestling. 

6. Fly fishing.

7. Building a ship in a bottle.

8. Southern-style cooking (I hear there’s a vacancy in the Southern-style cooking TV show market coming up.)

9. Guaranteeing adequate and effective sex education.

10. Retiring.

Here are a few things you should not do instead of trying to pass restrictive anti-choice legislation:

1. Constitutional amendments that involve marriage.

2. Starting your own pornography company.

3. Drone strikes.

Photo credits: jimb from morguefile.com; ‘Contra’ © 1988 Konami, via Wikipedia; nasirkhan from morguefile.com; jppi from morguefile.com; Bombadil77 [GFDL, CC BY-SA 3.0, CC BY 2.5], via Wikimedia Commons; seriousfun from morguefile.com; Remi Jouan (Photo taken by Remi Jouan) [GFDL, CC-BY-SA-3.0 or CC-BY-SA-2.5-2.0-1.0], via Wikimedia Commons; LifeisGood from morguefile.com; Katherin Parker Bryden (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons; Seemann from morguefile.com; sullivan from morguefile.com; Mkey (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons; US Air Force (http://www.noaanews.noaa.gov/stories2005/s2421.htm) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons.