It’s been a week since I saw the Transformers movie, so I’ve had a chance to process my thoughts on the matter. In short, I have concluded that I have no coherent thoughts other than the following (SPOILER ALERT, sort of):

1. Glenn Morshower remains one of the most criminally-underrated actors out there–although I still haven’t seen season 6 of 24, he portrays one of the only non-Jack-Bauer characters to survive five straight seasons.
2. Megan Fox almost supplants Charlize Theron for my title of too-beautiful-to-be-human. Almost.
3. Questions regarding the consistency, coherence, or even plausibility of the central plot and various plot points are pointless. There is an item sought by everyone in the movie that has the power to turn ordinary electronic items into evil robots. For no stated reason, it cannot create good robots. Whether this is a meditation on the ubiquity of evil in the universe and the ease by which the ordinary can become the malevolent, or whether this is a complete failure of imagination on the part of the screenwriters, is of no interest to me.
4. Bumblebee is supposed to be a VW Bug, dammit! OK, I’m over it.
5. Character development. It’s important to a movie. Who the fuck are all these Decepticons that show up in the last twenty minutes? It’s as though the writers suddenly remembered, in the final moments of the movie, that they needed some sort of resolution with the bad guys they had been ignoring. Plus, I didn’t even notice that Megatron was voiced by Agent Smith.
6. Good call not making Megatron a large robot who turns into a small gun. It’s nice to see at least one shout-out to the laws of physics. Plus, he’s scarier this way.
7. It’s good to see that the guy who voices Optimus Prime can keep it on his resume for this film.
8. Summer movies and deep thought do not go together.
9. Despite several hours of inundation with the message, I still don’t want to buy a Camaro.