In the wake of the tragedy in Virginia, it is important to remember the following: Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.

They often do so with guns.

All guns do is make the killing incredibly efficient. Remember a few years ago when that student at Imaginary State University killed 17 people in a thirty-minute garrotting frenzy? Or the Great Jambox-In-The-Bathtub Massacre at Make-Believe Tech? Oh wait, those didn’t happen.

I have to agree with the NRA, though. Guns aren’t really the problem, it’s the people who would take advantage of the efficiency they offer in killing that are the problem (at least, I think that’s their argument). The solution is either (a) kill anyone who might go on a mass killing spree to prevent said spree, or (b) fix human nature to prevent inter-person violence in the first place. Since option (a) quickly collapses under the weight of its own sarcastic irony, I guess we’re left with (b)–if improving human nature is the plan, though, then why is the NRA such a bunch of dicks?

Besides, can we not agree that, had Mr. Burns not been packing heat, Maggie never would have been able to shoot him?

What do you think, 1970’s sci-fi gimmick Zardoz?

Hey, Zardoz is a Republican!