– No points for good intentions: You have to admire the man’s sense of responsibility, although its belated nature does make it hard to be too sympathetic with his plight. I am referring, of course, to the man in Abbotsford, British Columbia who jumped into the back of what he thought was a taxi after concluding that he was too drunk to drive himself home (h/t Sean Robichaud).

There were two problems with this plan: (1) he came to the realization that he was too drunk to drive while he was driving; and (2) it was a police cruiser, not a cab.

Oops.

– To be fair, plush-animal technology has made huge advances in recent years: A 911 caller reported a live tiger on the loose, which turned out to be an extremely lifelike stuffed tiger. Not “stuffed” in a taxidermy sense, but “stuffed” in a normally-snuggly/cuddly sense.

This occurred in Grand Rapids, Michigan in May. No, wait, it happened in Camas, Washington in June.

Holy crap, it happened twice in the space of two weeks.

That has got to be a cosmic sign of something.

– Define “friendly”: The Village of Whitesboro, New York apparently has a seal that makes its name even more ironic, which depicts a white man and a Native American doing……something (h/t G).

Many people think, entirely reasonably, that the white man is choking the Indian, but the mayor of Whitesboro says that the seal is “actually a very accurate depiction of friendly wrestling matches that took place back in those days.”

That strikes me as a reasonable explanation, sort of—by that, I mean that I am applying Hanlon’s Razor here: “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.” That doesn’t change the fact that it is a ridiculous seal and offense is an eminently appropriate response to it. It may not rise to the level of offense of, say, the South Park town flag (which is fictional), or the struggles between the white settlers of Pawnee, Indiana and the indigenous Wamapoke Indians (which are also fictional), but unlike those examples of flagrant racism, this one is real.

Also, the claim that this is a “friendly” wrestling match is somewhat contradicted by the historical account on Whitesboro’s own webpage. It traces the seal back to 1922, which is probably long after the era of “friendly wrestling matches,” and notes that the seal was redesigned in 1963 “to commemorate the Village’s Sesquicentennial.” Here’s where it gets weird:

In an article of the Observer Dispatch, written by Joe Kelly in 1977, a notice of claim was filed with the Village Board saying the seal depicts a “white man choking an Indian” and said the seal demeans, disgraces and creates prejudice and distrust of Indian people. He asked the Village to stop displaying the seal. As a result of this, the seal was re-designed with Hugh White’s hands being placed on the Indian’s shoulders and not so close to his neck. The wrestling match was an important event in the history of the settling of the Village of Whitesboro and helped foster good relations between White and the Indians. The new version is displayed on Village trucks, highway equipment, letterheads and documents.

[Emphasis added.] I wonder if the hands were on the neck before 1963.

– Ku Klux Klan action figures: This is a real thing, that really exists. That’s all.

(I should note that the website where this was allegedly found no longer exists, although the internet never forgets.)

– Efficient resource placement, I guess: By now, you’ve probably heard about the patent application for a new airplane seating arrangement that is probably guaranteed to create Purges on most commercial flights (h/t Ragen).

This is a terrible idea, but luckily it’s only a patent application, not a patent—plus, even if it gets a patent, that doesn’t necessarily mean airlines will start using this.

They may jump straight to packaging us in plastic six-pack rings for shipment to our destinations. You know that’s where air travel is headed.

– Butthurt: I should also mention that the above-linked article about the drunk guy in the police car includes other “excuses” for traffic infractions deemed insufficient by Abbotsford police, such as:

The driver who admitted to speeding because of bothersome hemorrhoids, prompting the officer’s tongue-in-cheek apology for making the motorist sit even longer.

When talking about hemorrhoids, I think it’s best to avoid the euphemism “tongue-in-cheek,” don’t you?

Sorry/not sorry.

– I’ll end this on a cute note: Behold this dog, who is half-husky, half-lab, and is split bilaterally between the two breeds.

This dog is part husky part lab, the split is straight down the middle pic.twitter.com/mt1im9ywLh

— Baby Animals (@BabyAnimalPics) July 13, 2015

Seriously, look at this dog!!!!!

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Photo credits: “Stuffed tiger on couch” by Monika Wahi (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons; “Mini-Klansmen” originally by Reb-Ware Products, via TheSocietyPages.org; Village of Whitesboro seal [Public domain], via Raw Story; Seating arrangement diagram © Zodiac Aerospace, via WIPO / SomeECards; Husky/lab via @BabyAnimalPics on Twitter.