There’s quite a bit to catch y’all up on here.
– For the Buffalo Bill in us all: If you’ve ever wanted furniture upholstered with human skin, but are squeamish about the whole murder/butchery thing, science has developed “a leather chair with a pheromone-impregnated silicone base that makes it feel (and smell!) like you’re lounging in the fleshy, comforting folds of a man’s belly.” Just what humanity needs, right? (h/t Laura)
– This version of the Constitution is shielded by several layers of tin foil: Did you know that the original U.S. Constitution was secretly suspended in 1871 and replaced with something that places us under the jurisdiction of the Vatican? Or the lizard people, maybe? No one else with any knowledge of U.S. history or a scrap of sanity did, either! (h/t Jason) (BTW, I think the site I linked just now—not Facebook, the other one—might have just tried to put malware on my computer. Proceed with caution.)
– If you see giant cockroaches pretending to be homeless people, run: A DNA sequencing project in the New York City subway system couldn’t identify about half of the samples it collected around the city. This doesn’t in any way imply that the DNA is from mutated insects that have grown to Eldritch proportions and await a sign to herald their destruction of humanity, but it doesn’t not imply that, either. Just sayin’. (h/t Chris)
– Someone watched too many movies late at night: Sexual assault in prison is no joke. There is something comical about this story from Brazil, though.
Twenty-eight inmates escaped from a Brazilian jail after three women in fantasy police costumes “seduced” prison wardens, it was reported today.
Police found three wardens naked and handcuffed inside the Nova Mutum public jail, near Cuiaba, central Brazil, the morning after the mass break-out.
The women reportedly drugged the prison guards by giving them spiked whisky after convincing them to take part in an orgy, according to investigators.
Inmates then left the prison through the main doors, even taking with them guns and munitions they had taken from prison caches.
Look, if you’re a dude and you become a warden or guard in a women’s prison, sex—especially sex orgies—should never be assumed to be one of the perks. (h/t Marcia)
– That’s one way to say “I love you,” I guess: Valentine’s Day is over, but you can still give your loved one a box of chocolates shaped like your butthole, if that’s your thing. (h/t Alice)
