I have gotten very far behind on this particular blog series, so here is a quick roundup of what I meant to post over the past few months (part 2 of 3).
– I’m Not Sure What These Are For: Have you ever thought that your poop just didn’t quite sparkle enough? If that describes you, (1) please don’t ever speak to me, and (2) do not consume these Glitter Pills:
Via GlitterPills / Etsy
The Etsy page says it quite clearly:
F.A.Q.
Q. Will these make my poop glittery?
A. We have no idea, they are for decorative purposes only.Q. Am I supposed to eat Glitterpills?
A. No, absolutely not, the risk is entirely on you, the customer.Q. Are these safe to eat?
A. Probably not, if you decide to eat them, you assume all liability and risk that comes with that decision. IN OTHER WORDS DO NOT EAT GLITTERPILLS!!!Q. What is the point of Glitterpills?
A. They look awesome!!! They are a unique product that many people simply find fascinating.
Uh, okay.
– Not Nearly as Funny as It Sounds: Someone leaked a bunch of chlorine gas inside a hotel in suburban Chicago, causing an evacuation of the building.
The fact that someone leaked poison gas inside a hotel somehow wasn’t considered the newsworthiest part. That honor went to the fact that the building evacuation caused the attendees of a furry convention to spill outside, and then to go across the street to a building that happened to be hosting a dog show.
Yes, this actually happened, and it caused some of the more straight-laced members of our media to learn what a “furry” is for the first time.
– “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal”: If you’re going to appear before a judicial panel charged with reviewing whether or not you are competent to continue in the practice of law, it might be best not to do it dressed as, and apparently in character as, Thomas Jefferson, although I guess it depends on what you want the outcome of the hearing to be.
– Not Very Cheerful: Now that drone technology seems to be here to stay, we’re probably going to start seeing them everywhere. This includes restaurants, where, at least so far, they aren’t delivering food or drinks to anyone’s tables, but they are occasionally delivering mistletoe. Just watch out for those propellers, because they can—uh oh.
If you think a crowded restaurant is one of the worst places to fly a drone in, photographer Georgine Benvenuto will most likely agree with you. After all, the mistletoe drone TGI Fridays unleashed in its Sheepshead Bay, New York location didn’t lead to a kiss — instead, it took a small chunk off her nose and clipped her chin. According to Courier Life’s Brooklyn Daily (where she worked), the operator encouraged the reporter with Benvenuto to land a 10-inch drone on her hand during a demo on December 4th. While it was the smaller of the two drones on site, and the propellers were only five inches in length, their blades were both sharp and uncovered.
The operator, David Quiones, claims the accident wouldn’t have happened if the reporter didn’t flinch when the flying contraption landed on her hand, sending the drone hurtling towards her companion.
The drone operator didn’t seem too concerned for the future of the gimmick:
Quiones sounded unrepentant. “If people get hurt, they’re going to come regardless. People get hurt in airplanes, they still fly. There is a risk involved — anything flying, there is risk.”
– Speaking of “Grand Gestures”: The marriage proposal is one of the most important acts a guy will perform in his life, at least according to movies and commercials and shit. This tends to inspire some pretty grand ideas for how to pop the question, many of which are rather ill-advised (anything involving a Jumbotron comes to mind.)
One word of advice I might offer to people embarking on this tremendous step: Don’t do anything that risks destroying her house, or in this case, her neighbor’s house.
A Dutchman rented a crane intending to reach his girlfriend’s window Saturday morning and pop the question, Dutch affiliate RTL News said.
Instead, the crane tipped over, crashing through the roof of a neighboring home. Hours later, during an attempt to right the crane, it fell through the roof again, making the hole bigger.
She said yes, in case you’re wondering. The article also says they “went directly to Paris to celebrate.” I’d want to get the hell out of town, too.
