I have gotten very far behind on this particular blog series, so here is a quick roundup of what I meant to post over the past few months (part 3 of 3).

– Austerity goes too far: I know kids’ birthday parties can be hella expensive, and it’s awfully rude to say your kid will be there and then just not show up. That said, I’m pretty sure it still violates some clause of the social contract to invoice the kid for the cost of his share of the party. Seriously, they didn’t send a bill to the parents—they gave it directly to a five-year-old.

– Suck it, Goonies: I once found a pipe that was part of an old gas line buried in my backyard. I never found buried pirate treasure or anything. These kids in California found a buried Ferrari.

© Michael Haering, via Sliptalk / Jalopnik

This happened in 1978, but it’s still both newsworthy and WTF today.

– Follow your dreams, within reason: Chugging contests are a proud holiday tradition. Well, I’m sure they are somewhere. I once participated in a beer-chugging contest in college, at such a late hour that the only beer left on tap was a stout. I bring that up because that’s the only experience I can think of that might compare to this guy in Utah who won an eggnog-chugging contest. After his victory, he spent three days in the hospital with double pneumonia, which is what you risk happening when you chug eggnog and don’t stop to breathe.

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! (Via Wikimedia Commons)

– Alright, alright, al—wait, what? What’s worse than spending six days in a coma after a car accident? Try waking up from the coma, only to discover that, despite being absolutely convinced that you are, in fact, Oscar-winning Hollywood heartthrob Matthew McConaughey, you are not.

By all accounts, 25-year-old Roy Curtis is lucky to be alive. In 2012, Curtis suffered a brain hemorrhage when he was part of a accident consisting of a six car pile-up. After emergency services took about 40 minutes to free him from the wreck, he then spent six days in a coma in Birmingham, England. Although Curtis was unconscious, he was apparently experiencing a rich subconscious life because he came to speaking fluent French and convinced he was Matthew McConaughey.

“When I went to the toilet I went to look in the mirror and I was shocked because I didn’t look like him, I didn’t know what I was looking at.” Curtis told The Metro, “Then slowly over time it eventually clicked and I thought ‘he is an actor, what am I on about?’ But at times I was in hospital thinking I can’t wait to get out of here and back to filming movies.”

© HBO / Via Proyector Fantasma

© HBO / Via rebloggy

© HBO / Via Esquire

– It’s not a killometer, you idiots: When AirAsia Flight QZ8501 went missing back in December, some Fox News hosts wondered if the airline’s use of the metric system might have been a factor in the plane’s disappearance.

This is actually too stupid to mock any further.

– In my day, people just flashed the stage: A Dead Kennedys concert got pretty interesting for a few minutes (h/t Georgette):

All hail to whoever the woman is that gave no fucks and got her pussy eaten right on stage at a Solona Beach Dead Kennedys concert Thursday night. I certainly can’t think of a single thing more “punkrock” (as the white kids like to say) than that.

– This sounds like a movie…: Woman catches husband having sex with her twin sister in his car, then drives off in his car, leaving the two naked in public. He appears to have known that he was not having sex with his wife at the critical moment—what type of movie this would be really depends on that, I suppose.

Some things are much, much better left in the realm of fantasy, seriously.

Via Wikimedia Commons

– Speaking of things that are better left in the realm of fantasy for most: There’s a guy with two penises. He wrote a book about it entitled Double Header: My Life with Two Penises. Major punnage points.

– Headline only: China begins mass-producing Inflatable Sexy Pony dolls.

Photo credits: © Michael Haering, via Sliptalk / Jalopnik; Dinner Series [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons; See Imgur for McConaughey GIF credits (1, 2, 3); Luke Ford [CC BY-SA 2.5 or CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons.