If I wanted to lampoon overblown right-wing rhetoric, I might write a mock children’s book entitled Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!
Someone already beat me to the punch, except they’re apparently not kidding.
This full-color illustrated book is a fun way for parents to teach young children the valuable lessons of conservatism. Written in simple text, readers can follow along with Tommy and Lou as they open a lemonade stand to earn money for a swing set. But when liberals start demanding that Tommy and Lou pay half their money in taxes, take down their picture of Jesus, and serve broccoli with every glass of lemonade, the young brothers experience the downside to living in Liberaland.
Good thing it’s “written in simple text.” That’s far from the best one, though. Check out Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate:
Parent, if you have a young son and you want him to grow up to be a man, then you need to keep him away from pop culture, public school and a lot of Nancy Boy churches. If metrosexual pop culture, feminized public schools and the effeminate branches of evanjellycalism lay their sissy hands on him, you can kiss his masculinity good-bye because they will morph him into a dandy. Yeah, mom and dad, if – if – you dare to raise your boy as a classic boy in this castrated epoch, then you’ve got a task that’s more difficult than getting a drunk to hit the urinal at Chili’s. Read this bold and hard-hitting guide by Doug Giles, the politically incorrect master, on how to raise your son in a world which more and more seems to hate masculinity.
Yes, this is a book published in 2012 that actually uses the word “metrosexual,” which is, like, so 2003. This might as well be titled A Guide for Sexually Insecure Man-Children.
The author, Doug Giles, also pens columns with manly titles like the “Warrior Or Wussy Test.” Aside from wussies, he doesn’t have much use for atheists, even if he doesn’t seem to know much of anything about us. He doesn’t much care for gay people, either, because he’s “chick-o-centric” and that’s somehow relevant to how other people live their lives.
He really likes posing for pictures with guns and/or cigars, because it’s important that you know he’s not a wussy.
Via The Daily Caller
It’s very, very important that you know he’s not a wussy.
Via Clash Daily
He. Is. Not. A. Wussy.
As so often happens, the Amazon reviews are classic, especially this one, this one, and this one. This review from Christine offers a serious treatment of why the book is most likely ridiculous:
This book is disgusting. I bought it thinking it was satire but Giles is not joking. Giles writes, “The feminists and the men who have yielded up their private parts to the lesbians, I mean feminists, [who] have an organized system of male hatred that they just can’t wait to slap your son with”. Not only is It is obvious the author has no idea what feminism is he goes on and on about how men are natural leaders but spends most of the book whining about how men are victims of a female conspiracy. Apparently he forgot to look up the definition of “leader”. I think what struck me as most disturbing is the emphasis he places on the importance of how we should raise all boys to dominate and control. It left me with the question of whether or not he was implying that they are to dominate and control women? Does that mean I should squash my daughters dream of becoming a doctor and instead raise her to be dominated and controlled? Books like this nurture male hatred.
So yeah, you gotta work harder and harder to be satirical these days.
Oh, in case you were wondering how I found these, someone on Facebook posted a link to the classic children’s tome My Parents Open Carry, which is also not satire. These books were listed under “Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought…”
