The Raw Story has a list of “5 sexual health services insurance will cover… for men.”
I’m sure someone will make the arguments for the medical necessity, under whatever circumstances, of each of these five procedures, which is completely not the point of bringing up these five procedures. The issue is the way that someone is (or many someone’s are), sooner or later, going to rush to defend these five procedures as legitimate and medically necessary while still blithely dismissing various forms of women’s contraception as mere recreational implements for being a big ol’ Slutty Slutterson.
So I’ll just go ahead and get the ball rolling by making statements I know to be counter-factual, so that maybe people who are inclined to dismiss contraception as slut pills will get some smidgen of an idea of what it’s like to see demonstrably false statements treated as fact (or as “sincerely-held religious beliefs” when push comes to shove comes to science):
1. Viagra is only for old men who won’t accept that they’re too old and gross to have sex, ad I wish they’d just go away and be old in private.
2. Penis pumps are only used by weird perverts who can’t achieve orgasm through normal means.
3. Penile implants are purely for vanity, for guys who think their junk is too small but don’t have enough room in their driveway to park a monster truck.
4. Vasectomies are for men who want to be irresponsible, and who are probably already hiding from enforcement orders in at least three child-support arrearage cases.
5. Circumcision is stupid. Also, people don’t need to go to a doctor to get circumcised. You can totally do it yourself. I saw it on YouTube. Anyway, if you let a doctor do it, they’ll just end up putting a bunch of toxins in your system.
Each of the preceding five statements has as much (if not more) truth value as the claim that the contraceptives eschewed by Hobby Lobby are “abortifacients,” or that birth control pills are purely recreational slut drugs. Isn’t it awesome that, as dudes, we rarely if ever have to defend our own decisions re: sex and reproduction to complete strangers? (BTW, it’s not awesome.)
And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Eric Idle:
