We can re-grow our hair in the face of male-pattern baldness, or we can maintain interest in sex—apparently, we have to choose one or the other.

Maybe, just maybe, all that stuff about baldness being repulsive to the opposite sex was only trying to sell us stuff, not tell us some greater truth of the universe. Who knew?

There’s a Rogaine commercial from the 2001-02 period that I can’t seem to find on YouTube or anywhere else on the Googles. I linked to a few posts above by people who were complaining about it back when it aired, so it clearly made an impression on people. The commercial pretty much flat-out said that your girlfriend will leave you if you lose your hair. It’s sort of burned in my brain because it was so over-the-top awful.

There was a narrator asking a guy questions, one of which was something like “Won’t she still feel the same way if you lose your hair?” The guy responds “Yes…..about someone else.”

The woman even chimes in with something like “Of course I’ll still feel the same way about you whatever happens to your hair,” to which the guy doesn’t say anything–he just gives a look to the camera that clearly says “RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT.”

So I guess the point of the commercial was that not only will women (or at least hot skinny blonde women in their early 20’s) drop their fellas the moment the hair starts to go, but they will also LIE ABOUT IT TO OUR FACES!!!!!!!! So use Rogaine, or else you’ll die alone, because women, amirite?

Like I said, it’s hard to conceive of a more blatantly sexist (against all genders, really) way to try to sell a hair loss product.

Mind you, I started losing my hair around age 17 or 18, and at 22 I shaved it all off once and for all (long before Vin Diesel made head shaving cool). Never a moment of regret.

While I’ll never be as cool as him (e.g. I’m not 6′ 5″ and never will be), my bald-guy inspiration has long been Midnight Oil’s Peter Garrett.